We will be visible

On Monday August 24th at 8pm at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, my company 'a jay stewart project' presents Hard & Able: celebrating queer disability. It is by far my proudest artistic accomplishment project thus far. I had the idea about a year ago to put on a cabaret event featuring artists that identify as both queer and disabled. Why? Cuz I'm queer and disabled and wanted to meet other similar artists.

First, I did my research to see if anybody else was doing similar events. I really dislike creating something from scratch if somebody else was doing it. Research demonstrated that others HAD been doing similar events, but no longer. I applied for a grant from Community One and was the lucky recipient back in April.

This put into motion a call out to the community to locate artists that were queer and disabled. Which proved to not be so easy. I discovered that the word 'disabled' is a word that many of us choose not to subscribe to. It's you know...for those...that are really disabled. If you wear glasses, suffer from depression or have a heart murmur...that's shitty, but not enough to be disabled. WRONG-O in my books!!! That stuff all qualifies as a disability and I wanted individuals like this to be a part of the night. It's an evening for all those that exist on the disability spectrum to come together and say that a) we are visible and b) we're immensely talented!

As someone who suffers physical pain daily and wears hearing aids, you may or may not have ever classified me as disabled. Why?  Cuz my disabilities are not all that visible. I've been like this since birth and my Mom has always prided me on celebrating my differences. Who I am today is owed very much to having such a supportive individual in my life. I was brought up to acknowledge my disability, but to never let it stand in the way of accomplishing any of my goals.

I invite you to come out to Hard & Able: celebrating queer disability and support artists that identify as both queer and disabled. It's going to be an exciting evening filled with artists doing drag, spoken word, songs, skits with videos and photography too.

If you're not in Toronto, you can still be a part of the event by paying for access to the live feed. E-mail me at jay@ajaystewartproject.com for more information.  Check out the facebook event for those in the GTA

I hope that you will come and bare witness to a small step towards making each of these artists a visible part of the artistic community.

In an effort to make this event accessible, the venue is wheelchair accessible and there will be ASL interpretation provided.

I don't get heterosexuality!

I just had a thought and granted it's not a very well thought out one. But I figured that I'd put it out into the cyber universe and allow you to play around with it.

I just don't get the label of heterosexuality. Like I get that it's been burned into brains through religious and conservative doctrine, but besides that - it makes no sense to me that anybody would classify themselves as heterosexual.

I can understand that somebody can be homosexual. If you look in the mirror and you find yourself to be attractive. Why wouldn't you find those of the same gender to be attractive? If you can finger your pussy and stroke your cock to orgasm, why does doing it to another's freak you out? It' seems so simple. You like your cock, why wouldn't you like another? Take hetero boys who can self suck (aka auto fellatio), they dig cock enough to suck their own...what's so gross about another's?

With this, I totally get bisexuality. Of course, I'm biased. I dig both girlies and boys. I find them both to be attractive. I don't squirm at the sight of tits or become repulsed about slamming into an ass. In this instance, one is attracted to their own gender, but has also found the opposite gender to be attractive.

Which leaves us with heterosexuals. They claim that they are only attracted to the opposite gender. Which leads me to wonder, if they are really just self haters or delusional? If they were self haters and didn't find themselves to be attracted, how is it that they are able to love another? After all, if you don't love yourself first, how can you ever love another? Self love means loving every part of yourself, even if one wishes to improve it. Or is this the reason why so many marriages and relationships fail? Because there's a sea of self hatred spreading around and everybody's drowning in it.

As for being delusional, yah I can see that too. You've spent so many years believing that the world only accepts man and female without passing judgment, so you decide that you'll stick with that. When really, one can be perfectly happy with being queer. Now I'm not saying that hetero relations are wrong, I'd just simply like individuals to stop being all 'eww...I could never love the same sex.' All I hear with that statement is 'I hate myself.' ;)

What'd you think? Cuz seriously, I've always believed that nobody is straight and not in an egotistical queer way. Just that it makes no sense to me. Where are you at on this discussion?

500 days of summer is brill!

If you've met me, you may think that I'm a bit insensitive, slightly cold hearted and generally a bit of a non-believer in all things lovey dovey.

It's with that in mind that I highly recommend 500 Days of Summer. A film recently released that stars Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Levitt as a (non) couple. We track them from Joseph's view of the 500 days from the time that they meet, date, and well...SPOILER...break up. Not much of a spoiler considering within the first 10 seconds you read something to the effect of, "This is a work of fiction, it has nothing to do with anybody. Especially you Summer. You bitch."

Either way, this cute little film tracks heartbreak in an non-chronological and creative way through a variety of film styles, genres, and realistically real moments (or as real as something can be on film).

Zooey does her usual cute girlfriend role that she's getting known for and Joseph is the perfect candidate for the boy who loves too hard.

For someone who's had some serious loves and has now been out of love for over a year, I thought it was extremely cute and fun. It's not sappy and that's what is important. Plus, the ending can be interpreted as happy, but I chose not to.

For me, it had a very "before sunrise" feel to it, as it just allows you to be a part of the film without throwing it all at you. Plus, it was well edited and time moves quickly between past and present.

I have only seen a few movies recently (Terminator, Bruno, The Hangover) and this was a perfect mix for what will probably be one of the last films that I see this summer.

I would not quite rate this film as a date movie, but if you do go with your partner, it'll certainly generate some post-movie discussion.

...Buzz Buzz...

So my foray into dating asians has opened my slanted little eyes in more ways than one.

A couple small examples:

1) HK style cafes are the bomb. Anywhere where you can mix asian foods with breakfast foods AND get iced coffee all for under $8 is a golden ticket straight to my heart.

2) Soju bars...similar to 1) except with booze and a slightly higher price point. Still right at the ole ticker though.

3)Markham...not so scary. A lot of open spaces though.

4)My gaydar is worse on my own kind than it is on others...How the hell is that possible?

BUT the most puzzling matter of all is this...Who is the Asian Queen Bee?

Confused? let me clear things up as much as I can.

Apparently, according to my asian friends who are into asians, there is a ranking of all the asian races as to who is the most desireable.

For some reason, Filipinos are mostly ranked the least desireable. I don't know why though. Insight please.

Going up the ladder, mainland Chinese or Vietnamese are slightly above Filipinos.

Then it gets a little hazy and it's usually a mixed bag where HKers are a little above that and Taiwanese, Japanese and Koreans duke it out to be the top of the royal heap.

It's like Top Model but with races...weird, huh?

Who knows if the gaysian mafia will send someone out to sniper me off for spreading this but I wanna know who's on top?? And why it's ranked in this way.

All I get for an answer is "oh...it's personal preference". But if that were the case, then the bottom shouldn't be the same...but in the pool I've asked it is. Is it certain languages that sound less sexy? More or less masculine? Or mannerisms bred in by culture?

Is there such a ranking in other race worlds? Are Gingers less desireable in the white gay community? Are Africans less desireable than Jamaicans?

Who's on top then?

Who is the Asian Queen Bee???

We Can Kill The Weather Man!

Now, I have to admit that I don't pay attention to weather forecasts. It's for this reason that I'm usually caught out in the rain wearing shorts and flip flops. Or still in a sweater and pants, when it's unseasonably warm in early Spring.

I gave up on the 'witchery' that is weather forecasting many many years ago, but I never realized that I could go ahead and kill the person in charge of weather forecasting.

Check out this article here on thestar.com. It highlights that an individual in Canada who forecasts the weather has been assaulted and received negative e-mails about their inability to correctly state what the weather will be like.

As for the killing, well we'd have to move out of Canada to get away with that. According to the article, if it were before the 1960s and in Britain, we could burn someone at the stake for trying to predict the weather. The Taliban in the 1990s apparently banned it too, as they deemed it to be sorcery. In 1996, Peruvian meteorologist Francisco Arias Olivera was freakin hanged for not correctly forecasting a flash flood that killed 17 people.

I don't know about you, but does that not seem a little bit extreme. I'm all for angry letter campaigns and calling someone out for doing a shitty job, but I tend to back away when my friends start tossing around the idea of hanging someone. But that's just me.

Underwear Swap!

It's rare that I enjoy an advertisement, in my world, I tend to not really be aware of them.

I download most movies/tv that I watch, so I never have to view commercials/trailers. If I shop, it's at Valu-Village and not a lot going on there. Plus, I drive and when doing so, I listen to my ipod.

It's a wonderfully limited advertisement world for me. ;) While reading another blog, I came across this great ad done by legendary porn studio, Falcon. It's called the Undie Swap, where you get to choose 2 guys out of group and watch as they swap their underwear. I had a great time trying all the different combinations. Yes, you do get to see full nudity, so if you ain't into that...then don't check it out.

No, Falcon wasn't the mastermind of getting people to swap clothes to sell their product, it appears that Adidas was the first one to come up with this. Check out jersey swap and you can watch some jocks toss their jerseys at one another. This site is g rated, you only get to see torso.

Hope this helps your Monday start off a little bit better.

WALKING AFTER THE RAIN

Monday, August 10, 2009

WALKING AFTER THE RAIN

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

I’m walking after the rain has stopped.

Air is fresh and clean.

Crisp, damp.

Thinking about Cultural Icons.

Society needs them.

People desire role models.

Someone to look up to and fantasize about.

Listen to teenagers talk.

They babble on about the latest pop star celebrity,

As if that person was truly important in their lives.

They say we chose the circumstances of our life before we come down to Earth,

As well as the way it will end.

Someone consented to be James Dean and die in a horrific car crash.

It’s as if we are actors choosing our roles before we descend onto this thrilling Paradise.

A soul even agreed to be Adolf Hitler, as that being was needed on the planet.

We decide beforehand what we need to work on in the upcoming lifetime.

A group of souls staying and playing together for eons.

One time, this particular one is your Mother.

In another life, they become your husband.

Someone is spreading vicious lies about me.

A channeller said that this man is getting his revenge

Because of a past life connection between us.

We seek peace, comfort and knowledge on this plane of existence.

It’s a learning experience for us.

Even before the printing press, there was the Town Crier

Announcing news and upcoming theatrical events.

Humans need to look outside themselves,

To empathize with other beings.

To see their own stories right in front of their eyes.

I’m walking after the rain.

Feeling good.

Wondering what’s coming next?

Trying to make sense of past traumas

In order to move on and thrive.

Remembering fun times when I had more stars in my eyes.

I had celebrity role models.

Jane Fonda, Judy Garland, Janis Joplin, James Dean, Montgomery Clift.

I liked the ones with drama surrounding them.

A whirlwind of sex and acclaim.

I never grew up to be an icon,

Though I was blessed with some gifts.

You be the judge of that.

We hide in our little cubby holes

Coming up for air when we need it.

Mingling with like-minded spirits.

Attempting to tell the truth, we hope.

Dolls morph into magazine photos

Which transform into thoughts and dreams.

Lusting after the unattainable.

Even Brando turned out old and fat and finally dead.

I think of some truly talented people and the misery of their lives.

Give me Van Gogh’s genius but not his torment.

Bless me with Judy’s glorious singing voice but not her crippling addictions.

Give me Liz Taylor’s youthful beauty but you can keep her illnesses for yourself .

Society reaches out to grasp these icon’s dazzling lives.

It takes us away from the dreariness of our own puss-filled boredom.

Even Jesus Christ had to relieve himself, just like you and me.

After death, we review the life we just lived, as if it were a novel we’d studied in school.

What did we learn?

What did we do right or wrong?

What challenges did we overcome and why?

In one life, you are a male peasant, starving to death in a barren wasteland.

In another, you’re a beautiful woman, with jewels on silver platters.

We have to experience everything.

You murder and are murdered.

Rich and poor.

Famous and infamous.

Easy lives and hard ones,

All flowing into the same swirling river.

A kaleidoscope of lives meshing into each other.

Will you be royalty, if requested?

General Patton?

Roosevelt or Woody Guthrie.

Jewish or Arab.

Intersexed.

Heterosexual or gay.

Asexual or trans.

Consider the possibilities.

We have all of Eternity to play these endless games.

May we all be blessed with our fair share of joy.