It's cool to buy illegal guns, but wrong to smack your bitch up!

Hey look, it's 2 famous urban artists, Chris Brown and T.I. They're responsible for such 'hits' as 'Forever' and 'Live Your Life.' One's a felon and the other isn't...yet.

T.I.'s got himself in trouble for trying to purchase machine guns. Chris Brown's in trouble for allegedly beating the shit outta Rihanna.

Now which one would you choose to be on your marketing campaign? I'll give you a few seconds to weigh the pros and cons. Convicted vs. innocent until proven guilty. Hrem...should be an easy one. Both kinda even in the looks department, though I'd rather do T.I. than Chris Brown. T.I. just seems more freaky. Chris is young and would probably just be a bit too hyper. Keep debating and then jump to the next paragraph for the answer.

It's....the convicted felon, T.I.!!! You see, there's a film coming out in 2010 (yep, that far away) called 'Bone Deep' starring T.I, Chris Brown, and Hayden Christensen. Apparently, due to Chris Brown's beating up of Rihanna, they've deemed him too controversial to have in any posters, trailers, or anything like that. Now T.I. is okay, cuz you know all he tries to do is buy illegal guns...you know to hunt for deer n shit...in the urban forest. :P

Not only does he get to be in the ad campaign, but he also gets his own show on MTV called 'T.I.'s Road to Redemption: 45 days.' You see, he's got to put in 1000 community service hours to prove to the judge that he's a good boy. If he does, he may get a reduced sentence. Each week, he gives a life lesson to a teenager on the 'wrong path.' Anybody else know what community hours is??? It's not getting paid to do a tv show. Getting paid is a job! Community service hours is donating your time for free, doing menial stupid ass work.

Now I'm in now way letting Chris Brown off for his alleged crimes. I fully support not playing his music, smashing his cds, and of course, having Rihanna's Dad go and kick the shit out of him.

I think that T.I. should be facing a little bit of trouble too. Boy's got a couple of convictions for ass kicking himself. Instead it seems like he's had nothing but success...which don't make no sense.

Today's life lesson of the day: It's cool to buy illegal guns, but wrong to smack your bitch up!

Do like Jesus, Lent it up, yo!

According to here, Lent is around the corner or today or yesterday...I'm still confused as to its date. Either way, Lent is when you give something up for 40 days. Jesus did it, so the idea is that you can too.

Last year, stupid kids gave up facebook for 40 days. How is that a challenge? Can't one just have the updates e-mailed to them and then technically, they aren't facebooking?? Yah, yah...see I totally caught them.

I think I had a friend give up junk food once. Which isn't hard for those of who crave carrots and dip. Another tried masturbation or maybe that wasn't a friend, but that awful Josh Hartnett movie.

I like personal challenges, but I'm not in it for lent. I don't get the idea of giving up shit, why not do 40 days of trying to improve yourself. A habit is created in like 21 days, so habit away!!!

Now here's what I've given up before...

Sex for 4 months after heart break.
Booze for a year after bad boozing incidents .
Myself for like 1st 2 years of high school. ;) Fuck, I hated high school.

Any plans for lent? Have you ever given something up before? What upcoming changes do you have?

Let's continue to be pervy!

Last week's poll indicated one thing to me, we've got ourselves a slutty audience. Or at least based on the 8 votes that the last poll received. Which means that we're slightly more successful than the previous poll. Even though our viewership more than doubled last week with 30 of you tuning each day to read.

A good 62% of you have had more than 50 partners. With 50% of you have had more than 100 partners and beyond. 25% have had less than 15 and I think that still makes us a little slutty. Though I guess it depends on how old that you are.

In keeping with our skanky theme, why don't we explore orgasms this week? We'll keep it pretty simple. What is the most orgasms that you've had in one day? They can be self inflicted or shared with one or more.

This could be way back in the day, when you first discovered masturbation and wanted to see how many you could shoot off before there was no more semen left and your dick was super raw and you couldn't jerk off for another few days. :P

Or maybe just a fuck a thon that you had in the early stage of a relationship, when it's all just lust filled.

It can be a combo too, maybe you jerked off in the morning, shared a cpl with another in the afternoon, and then jerked off again at night.

Think of the number of orgasms and make a vote on your right hand side!!!

Dirty Little Friend

By Kai Wa Yapp





You are my dirty friend.

No one knows about you, because you’re dirty.

Naughty, almost.

You dress yourself up in purple, sometimes pink.

You leave me breathless, hardly able to think.

You’re tall. Taller than most I know.

And that is what makes you my special, dirty friend.

I keep you hidden from my other friends.

When I hear you call, I make excuses.

When I need you desperately, I don’t bother with explanations.

When you are with me, I feel whole.

When men find out about you, they get scared.

Threatened.

Their power and purpose is usurped by your greatness.

My dirty friend, your reputation is known far and wide.

Your ability to please, I need not lie.

For those who know my special friend,

Know just as well as he or she or him or her,

That no one can beat my dirty, lil' vibrator.

Chesty Morgan

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

CHESTY MORGAN

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

Chesty Morgan contemplated having breast reduction surgery

And looking for a McJob.

Her huge breasts hung down so low

She was unable to cook breakfast on the stove.

Her tits would flop out of her negligee

And end up plopped into the frying pan,

Scrambling the eggs and burning her nipples.

At the age of 75,

They almost reached down to her labia.

Chesty had deep indentations on her shoulders

From the weight pressing down on her bra straps.

I bought a DVD, from the Net, of Chesty Morgan’s two starring roles on film.

Not porn, just campy soft-core exploitation silliness.

No sex, just lots of bare boobs.

I was fascinated by her appendages.

Chesty possesses the largest breasts I have ever seen in my life.

I sat mesmerized, as if I were watching the landing of a UFO.

She made her living from those ta-tas

But it must have been a nuisance to own them.

It would be like carrying 50 pounds of groceries with you

Everywhere you went.

In these two movies, Chesty wears bad blonde wigs,

Hideous, flowery Seventies clothes and five inch platform heels.

Her voice is dubbed because of her thick Polish accent,

I am told.

Is she the fifth Wonder of the World?

Having sex with her would be like screwing a waterbed!

Her teeth are kind of rotten at the back

Making me wonder if she has dragon breath.

The midriff bulge spills over the sides of her tight skirts.

Her breasts cascade out of the front of her enormous brassiere.

The screen is saturated with washed out reds and turquoise

Because the film stock has deteriorated in 35 years.

The tinny music reminds me of my wild youth.

I’m sure millions of men would love a wife with tits that big.

I want to meet Chesty Morgan and ask her about her stripping career.

I understand that, even to this day,

Pushing 80,

She still gardens in a halter top,

Frightening the neighbourhood children

And giving guilty boners to all the frustrated teenage boys.

Chesty was in Fellini’s “Casanova” but ended up on the cutting room floor.

You can watch a clip from the outtakes on YouTube.

A friend of mine went to see her strip at the Victory Burlesque Theatre on Spadina

Back in the late Seventies, when she was hot.

Chesty, you are a work of art, my dear.

A trailer trash diva made of fine cut crystal.

Bless you.

Ciggies.

Do you have a cigarette?
Can I light one up with you?
Can I bum a fag?

I don’t get it. I never got it. Smoking. It’s gross. I can’t stand the smell, and I can’t stand the taste of it on lips. And the health risks alone?! I’ve never been one to pollute my body with foreign substances. I don’t even trust the flu shot. But smoking? What good does it do?

A lot of my friends smoke. A lot of them. When we’re out, every fifteen minutes it’s a smoke break. Be it rain or shine, they will brace all weather for their nicotine fix. All huddled in a group. Smoking. Waving their hands in the air, gesturing emphatically while they tell stories about their children or spouses, their bodies fixed in a well-rehearsed formation of exclusivity, like when I was in high school and all the cool kids would stand by the smokers pit at the end of the driveway that lead up to our school… smoking. During class.

And you know that they totally think that they’re better than everyone, because it was just so cool to smoke. It was like a club! The smokers club of cool people. But the thing is, I’m not really a big fan of drawn-out suicide.

So there’s this guy at the office and he works with me on the 10th floor. He’s totally cute and seems really nice, but I never get to speak to him because I work on the south-facing-side of the floor and he works on the north-facing side of the floor. I occasionally get the usual nod of acknowledgment that all guys give to other guys, but that doesn’t even communicate anything and only frustrates me even more. And I can’t exactly walk all the way across the office and ask to borrow a stapler or a high-lighter. That’d be pretty stupid and silly of me, don’t you think?

But here’s the shitty part: he smokes. North-Facing-Hottie, NFH, smokes! Every day before lunch he goes out to the fourth floor cafeteria, grabs a coffee, black, no cream or sugar cause he’s healthy like that, and heads out to the balcony for a cigarette. But every, single, fucking day that stupid tramp Sally follows him out there, cupping his hands while he lights her cigarette, laughing and flipping that stupid hair of hers at all of his jokes, and enjoying the company of NFH while I sit inside, eating my stupid egg salad sandwich with Bob from the cubicle beside me and this chick from accounts payable. But sometimes… sometimes, I wonder. I mean, what would you do for a chance at true love? Could I do it? Could I really…would I really? PART TIME! Only part time. I would never take it up full time… but, oh, just to get a chance…

Fuck Off Rudy!!! Don't Mess with my Sue Johanson!

The picture on your left shows two different people. The first is cute innocent Rudy from The Cosby Show. She was occasionally bratty, but generally, a good mannered gal. Her and Vanessa would have fights, but then they'd learn a lesson from Papa Cosby and everybody would hug it out.

The picture to the right shows the 'after shot' - Rudy grew up and turned into a little 'stir the pot' bitch.

Read this!!! Rudy decided to take the gloves off and attack my poor Sue from the Sunday Night Sex Show. Apparently, she thinks that Sue is an old white woman and that her show isn't informative and that it's a joke! I call bull shit!

I don't know about you, but I remember listening to the Sunday Night Sex Show with Sue Johanson on AM 640. Every Sunday and just listening away to all the advice that I could suck up. I was in gr. 8, had moved into my 'rents basement, and my curiousity about sex was solved! I, then, discovered that it was a tv show on the Women's Network. She would always talk about using toys, but I never realized what they looked like. Until I saw them! She taught me it was okay to masturbate, different sex positions, and that a girl's smelly vagina may be a yeast infection.

Sue never never ever judged anybody that called, she would make light of the situation, but all in good fun. She didn't care that you were gay, straight, bi, trans, Sue just tells it how it is. She's fucking hot! Somebody who's that honest about sex is fucking hot in my books! Plus, you know, she's a registered nurse! She's smart!

So this is why I say, 'Fuck off Rudy!' - she's attempting to grab herself some attention. You know what, she's got it. Unfortunately, just pointing out how young and stupid she is. Why attack somebody who's been doing their job for years and making the world a better place? Little Rudy continues to make me smile through repeats in syndication...grown up Rudy is a bitch! Enough said.