Let's Create A Club Night...

I did it.  I went queer clubbing in TO again for first time since the Winter.  For the most part, I spent the evening complaining (yes, big surprise!) and I've decided that it's time to assist club promoters. 

With that, let's create an amazing club night.  Here are a few of my rules...what are yours?

1) No one under 25 - I know, it's age-ist, but this is my club night and why not have a queer night for us oldies? ;)

2) No purses on your person in the club.  You're dancing and buying liquor.  All you need is a money clip, once you get into the bar.  Stuff it in your bra or shoes, if you have no pockets. 

3) Songs that are over 10 years old may only be played between 10:30-11:30pm.  It's early in the night, so you expect to hear bad music.

4) This leads to the next rule that really popular songs may be played twice with a 90 min. break in between.

5) The DJ must dance.  I've determined that DJs play shitty music, because they don't dance.  There's no way you can play 'American Boy', if you dance.  This song is not dance-able.

6) Candy!!!  Can you imagine??  Seriously, I think more candy should be sold at a club. 

7) If you're buying 2 drinks, then no cover.  Purchase your drink tickets at the door and you slide by.  If you're playing it sober, $5.  If people are going to pay for your over priced booze, why not reward them with free entrance?

8) Line-ups only when the club is at capacity.  Making people stand outside when the bar is empty is pure bullshit.  Line-ups make people go somewhere else, it doesn't develop interest. 'Oh there's a 20 min. line-up, this place must be hot..we should totally line-up.'  Nope, they just walk elsewhere or go home.  Seriously.

9) Be personable and responsible.  If I'm running a club night, I'm going to be there. I'm going to interact with customers. I'm going to see how my night is doing.  If after 10 years of doing the same thing on the same evening with the same DJ and the same performer, I'm not seeing the place as packed as it used to be...I'm going to change things up.  I'm not going to do a cover charge increase to make up the difference.

10) Have fun.  Let's have odd theme nights.  Random prizes.  Spotlight dances. Show vintage Simpsons on screens throughout.

What are some things that you'd love to see in a club night?

One hag per fag!

Alritey this argument isn't all that original, but let's do a one hag per fag rule and implement it hardcore across the queer scene.

Cuz lately, the queer scene is looking way too straight for my tastes and this from somebody that easily melds into the straight scene.

But if I wanted to chill w/ a bunch of str8 ppl, then I would...by going to their spaces. If I want to grind and tongue bathe a member of the same sex, I wanna do it in a queer scene surrounded by queer individuals doing the same thing. I can't do that when homo to my right has brought his girly hag posse of 7 to celebrate his 'coming out.' Such celebrations can be done at home! Then you put your pansy self onto the online world, find yourself some male friends and party it up right!

The biggest problem with girly hag posse is the damn huge purses. You're going to a club, not a day at the country club. You need: some $ and id! That's it, nothing else! If it doesn't fit in your pocket or you have no pockets, then whatever fits in your bra. My good girly pal puts her cell, money, lipstick, tampon into her bra and I can barely tell.

Another problem with girly hag posse is that your focus is on them and getting drunk, which leads to requesting terrible songs! I don't want to hear spice girls or anything from the 90s. Neither do you in your sober state of mind. But you're out w/ your hags and therefore just drinking away and being stupid. You're trying to recreate your lame ass gr. 8 parties in my queer space and it leads to me not dancing, while you're dancing too much and badly.

When it comes down to it, it's a queer space and should be respected as such. You can go to a str8 space with your 6 girlies as one guy and nothing will happen to you. You might get picked up or you may find another closeted gay boi who can't make any male friends. When you come into the queer space, it limits the chances that I have of making queer connections. Which is why I go to queer spaces, to meet individuals that share similar thoughts, struggles, fantasies, etc.

So while I'd love to say 'fuck off to all str8s', I'll stick with allowing you your one hag per fag. :)

What rules do you want for queer spaces?