Online Dating

So I've recently entered the world of online dating. There's a number of sites out there based on what you are looking for (action, pictures, dating, husband...etc). I joined two of the middle of the road sites in hopes of meeting some new people outside of my current circle and maybe finding a cool guy to date.

The day you join you feel like a superstar. You get tons of messages and compliments. You are the new guy in town. Then after a few weeks the messages slow down and you are become one of the regulars. Online dating can really bring out the obsessive nature in people. I know I ended up checking for messages multiple times a day and spending way too much time searching profiles.

One of the problems with online dating is that the profiles can be misleading. People want to put their best selves forward. I found that very often these "best selves" are what the person aspires to be, not how they actually are in real life. A "28 year old, banker with an athletic body and an interest in playing rugby" might actually mean he's 34, wears baseball hats, works in a coffee shop in the BMO building and owns the naked french rugby team calendar.

There's a vetting process that goes on when you meet someone in a natural setting (like at a party, grocery shopping...etc) versus an arranged date from online. You get to see how the person really is and decide if they are worth pursuing. With online dating it takes a few meetings before you get an idea of the persons true self.

Real Life Awkward Situation - I went on a coffee date with a guy from online. Seemed nice, a little reserved but a quality guy. On the Official First Date we went for dinner then he suggested we get some wine and go back to his place. It was a week night but I figured what the hell. Against my better judgement, we ended up getting hammered but it was fun. Who isn't fun after a few drinks? He called me one wednesday night wasted telling me how much he likes me. A novice mistake. It happens. (red flag #1)

Official Second Date: went for dinner where he told me he wanted to "show me off" to his friends and ex boyfriend. (red flag #2). We go to a party where he proceeds to grope me in the most blatant public display of affection I've seen. He refuses to stop until I actually push him away from me. (red flag #3). He gets wasted and makes a jack ass out of himself. I overhear a number of people commenting on what a mess he is. (and the final red flag) Pulls his jeans down in the middle of the living room to reveal his underwear and that I'll "get to see more later". Um no. I'm good thanks.

My point is that it took me hanging out with this guy three times before I saw that he was kind of a drunk mess and that he was not someone I'm interesting in hanging out with. I suppose that is the "fun" part of dating.

Now, the profiles have been deleted...I think I'm going to stick to meeting guys through friends and being a little more aggressive if I see someone who piques my interest. I have met some great people from online so it's not all bad. What are your thoughts on online dating? Any horror stories? Any love matches?

How do you break up?

Speaking with a new potential, I was reminded of former loves and the dreaded break up. I don't know about you, but I'm horrible at finding the right time to break up. Even when the time arises, I usually cave and agree not to break up. In conclusion, I'm awful at it.

My first real love took me months and months to break up with them. Mostly, cuz I'd spend all week preparing to do it and then I'd see him on the weekend and it'd be like 'Hooray, he's back in my life.' No need to break up, when you're happy. Mostly, I think I was horny and not seeing someone during the week and then only on weekends, it meant that I chose to let the horny win out over the emotions.

When I was finally set to end it, there was never a good time. My b-day in September, Thanksgiving in Oct, his b-day in Nov, and X-mas coming up in Dec. Finally, I did it the worst way possible. I did it over the phone. Which for a LTR, it's about as bad as ending it over a text these days.

My next majjjjuuuhhh break up was even harder. I lived w/ him. Now that sucks hardcore. How do you break up with somebody, when you fear that they'll fuck your shit up? Or like destroy the house that your 'rents own? That's some tough shit to deal with. Plus, you're working 6 days (sometimes 7) a week, going to school, doing placement, and just don't want to deal with anything. It's only when your friends pop back into your life that you get a wake up call and the balls to end it. I can still hear him crying after it was finally over. Never do I ever want to hear such pain again. I still feel pretty awful over that break up.

My last big break up was a good long while in the making. In hindsight, we should've broken up probably 6 months in. Our arguments from the start were always about the same thing. I'd finally have enough, we'd have a 'serious' talk, I'd forgive, he'd promise to try harder and we'd move on. Or, I'd not forgive, I'd say 'it's over', get to the door, we'd hug and then that'd lead to kissing, which would to sexy times. :P We finally came to a mutual decision to just break it off.

After the break ups, comes the still having sex thing that I really need to start getting better at not doing. But that's a piece for another day!!!

So how about you? Are you any good at breaking up?