The Partner Itch

Ever get that itch and you know that you shouldn't scratch it.  Cuz once you do, it just makes it itch so much worse.  Or leads to you crying in the corner over another failed relationship. ;)

Whoa, now that was a big jump.  But follow along down this path with me...

It's been about 15 months since I've been in a long term relationship.  Even longer, if you count that relationship as being over a few months prior to when we actually ended it.   A lot less if you count us ending things and then not officially parting ways until this last February (lol...did you follow all that?)

I keep convincing myself that I have no need for a partner.  They take up too much time.  You're constantly disappointed by them.  You're forced to hang out with their lame friends.  They get sick or someone they know get sick or their life is so depressing that you can't break up w/ them in fear that they'll kill themselves.

But then there's time after you've had a successful day and you want to come home, get naked with a lover and celebrate such accomplishment.  Sometimes, you just want to turn over in bed and find your lover lying there naked with a peaceful smile on their face.  Or when you want to do something random and your lover is an eager accomplice.

Plus, I really miss the arguments.  It's no fun to argue with anybody else, there's no stakes.  A customer presents a conflict.  Who cares!  Your Mama yells at you.  She can't ground you any more.  A friend gets upset with you.  When does that even happen?  But a fight with a lover is filled with passion and tears and fantastic make up sex.  I miss that.  Plus, I miss wondering if this person will be the one that I share the rest of my life with.  I miss having someone that knows me far deeper than the many layers that I put up. 

But I don't miss feeling like I give it my all and they only give it a try.  I don't miss looking deep in their eyes and realizing that this isn't right.  Finally, I don't miss the feeling of waking up beside somebody and that 'feeling' being gone.  You can't explain it to them, other than 'I just don't love you any more.'

The Partner Itch is a tempting one.  For now, I'll let it sit and fester. 

Am I Sex Addict or do I just really like Sex?

Since I have been sexually active I have had quite a number of partners. I am not the biggest slut out there and by no means even close but it is still extremely high. I never really thought about the possibility that I am a sex addict until recently. Without going into the details, I hurt someone I really cared about and it really made me think why I was having sex with all these random people. As a deal to myself I said no random sex for three months. As a form of therapy I am going to be talking about my sexual encounters to the world over the coming days, weeks and months. Now all of you who I have had sex with, don't worry I won't use real names, just pet names. ; ) Most of these stories will be quite boring because most of the people were boring. Maybe I am boring...lol. Hopefully these stories will remind me why I should not waste my time with lame ass individuals who just want a random fuck or it might do the opposite, not sure. I also hope that by avoiding random sex I can actually focus on me and what I want in my life and find out what type of partner I want in life.

Let's start at the beginning

Ok now I am sure everyone had that special friend as a child that you were inseparable from as a child. Mine was Amy. She was my next door neighbour and we hung out every single day from the time I was five until I was thirteen. We played games like barbies, store, house and doctor. Now doctor and house started off innocently enough but hey kids like to explore. Amy had accidentally walked in on her parents having sex and she wanted to show me how to do it. So at age six I had my first sexual encounter with a girl. The problem was we kept doing it. It was always in her room and her parents and sister would be home. We weren't allowed to have the door shut to her room after we got caught but that didn't stop us. Now I can't even remember, but its not like we were really having sex, I mean we were just trying to stick things in where we thought it should go. To be honest I don't remember half the things we did but her sister still teases me to this day about it. I remember once being at their chalet and I pulled out my dick and said I showed you mine now show me yours. Not really much different then with the boys I sleep with today or cam shows. One thing I learned from that experience is if I ever have children I will have locks on my doors so they don't walk in. The other thing I learned is that even from a young age I enjoyed having sex and I wanted more. We stopped fooling around when I was about 7 or 8 and I didn't have my real first sexual experience until I was 15.

Well that is all for now but hope you enjoyed. There is lots more to come, I have only just begun.