I love my calendar

I don't know about you, but I find someone with amazing time management / organization skills to be crazy sexy!!!

How does one manage it?  With a cute ass calendar.  If you can bust out a blackberry or show me your pocket calendar, we can have ourselves a good time. :)

Seriously, I'm not joking.  I love calendars.  I have 3.  My work one on outlook, my personal one with google calendar and a handy written one for when technology screws me over and doesn't work.

I used to be able to keep my busy life all in my head, but as I get older I have seriously lost that ability.

When you're juggling work, school, clients, art projects, friends, family - it's essential.  Plus, there's nothing more fun than looking at your day and seeing '9:00 - Breakfast with Sal, 11:00 - Meeting with producer, 1:00 - Hit Ryerson and bitch out admissions, 3:30 - Yoga session...'  Especially, when you're dating someone new and you can be like 'well I'll fit you in here or here or here.'

What drives me nuts is when somebody is like 'oh I'm really busy...you know super busy, I've got no time that day for you.'  You ask them for their schedule and it's like 'well dinner around 6pm.'  I'm sorry but that's not busy at all.  You have plenty of time to schedule in a shit load of stuff that day.

People wonder how I keep it all together...now you know.  It's called having a calendar. 

p.s. Just quick re-read and there's a lot of possible sexual innuendos in this piece.  Did you spot them?

Life goals...

RGH's fantastic birthday post got me thinking. In his post he talked about life lessons he's learned over his 30 years. As I approach my birthday as well, I have been thinking about goals and accomplishments. I think many people have similar basic goals (correct me if I'm wrong) - find love, buy a house, travel the world.

However, everyone has things they want to accomplish individual to them that others my find strange. Here's mine:

Work on a Canadian TV show - When I was growing up as a thin, non athletic dork in Pennsylvania I had a few TV shows I would become obsessed with and insist on watching whenever they were on. The thing they all had in common...they were Canadian. I associated everything I loved about these shows (and missed in my real life) with Canada. When I moved to Toronto a few years ago I was determined to work on one of these shows. I signed with a (non-porn) extra agency I found online and got to work on several barely-known Canadian productions and made about $30 for 16 hours of work. Fun stuff!

Skydiving - Fall from a plane, do flips and parachute to the ground. Seems like so much fun and a relatively easy thing to do! One of these days I will get around to do this. I think it would be more fun with a friend, but sadly my friends are "too scared". Hopefully it will be checked off before the 3-0 hits next year!

Record a song and make a music video with a big dance sequence - So I haven't made much progress on this...but I took a few hip hop dance classes and realized pretty quickly that following choreography was not my thing. Trying to figure out 8 counts had my head spinning. Also, I have no musical talent so the singing part of this dream probably won't happen either. Bonus life lesson - I have more of an appreciation for dancers and how tough their line of work is.

Anyone else have goals that may seem random to the untrained observer?

Recommended Reading - Emily Yoffe's Human Guinea Pig series of articles about expanding on her interests and the amusing experiences she has trying new and unusual things. Read about Emily, trying to sell her "hair muffs" to QVC, enter a beauty pageant, and being a "historical re-enactor".

Grandma - Looking fine at 29

Well it has been quite awhile since I have posted to this site, but now that I have been asked to contribute again I thought what better way then to acknowledge my idol.  

Many people have different idols, they may be people you know, people you want to know or people you wish to be like.  I was fortunate enough to know my idol from the day I was born.  Her name was Olga, and she was the cutest, sweetest woman you could ever meet.  Lucky enough for me, she was my Grandma.  I love her with all my heart but unfortunately she passed away two weeks ago from Colon Cancer.  

In the final months of her life, I really got to spend a lot of time with her and got to know her on a more intimate level then ever before.  I would go visit her one to two times a week at her hospital and we would do all types of things.  Some days I would go and we would talk, other days I would go and we would play scrabble, or other days it was just watching tv (her favourite shows being Deal or No Deal, or Judge Judy).  I don't think I can ever watch those shows again without thinking of her.  Grandma was one of those people who was truly special.  You could walk in that room and a big smile would come on her face and you would become the center of her attention.  It didn't matter if you were related to her or not, she always made you feel welcome and like any other typical Grandmother, she always wanted you to eat.  There were days I would sit with her and help her eat her dinner and it might not seem that special but they are moments I will never forget.  I have written her a poem which I read at her gravesite the day she was buried and I wanted to share it with all.  This is for you Grandma, I love you and will miss you.

I always will love your smiling face

Especially when you and I would embrace

When life got tough I could always go to you

You'd give me a hug and knew exactly what to do

No matter what I did you could never be mad

Having someone fully accept me is what I had

Whenever someone came into your home

You always treated them as one of your own

Going to your house to have Turkey dinner’s

Those apple pies haven't made me any thinner.

The days and nights that we would play games

Now without you it will never be the same

I remember the days we went to the Ex

Life was so easy and so not complex

Remember that night you brought Sexy Back?

You were wearing that cute little shirt in black.

As time went on we all grew older

Not you of course, my little soldier

I always wondered how you could be twenty nine

Just another wonderful trait, of this grandma of mine

I did the 10k, ran most of the way

In my heart you will always stay

You are now with Papa till the end time

Oh beautiful Grandma of mine.

I want to thank Jay for helping me clean up the poem and for being such a wonderful friend during my time of need.  I truly couldn't have made it through this time without you and know that I am forever thankful.  ; )

You Ain't Seen Nuthin' yet!

I am celebrating a milestone birthday today, and even though 30 isn’t really that much in the long run, it’s still an important enough number to stop and take stock : ) Here are some simple things I have learned on my journey from ova to diva.

It might seem like common sense, but Doing > Talking. Get up and do it. Right now.

Although I am a big believer in personal growth, leopards don’t change their spots. Someone who hurt you once will hurt you again and someone who shows you kindness will continue to do so. A liar will always be a liar, and if you are lucky enough to make a true friend in someone, they’ll always be that (even if you don’t see them for a while).

Some dreams come true and some dreams do not. Let the ones that do give you strength to deal with the ones that don’t.

You’re never as ________ as you think you are, and even if you are, someone somewhere loves that about you. Fat, skinny, ugly…we all have negative voices in our head. It’s hard, but worth it to try not to listen to them.

It’s ok to put yourself first sometimes. If you are not happy, figure out a way to be. If your needs are important enough to outweigh others’, step back and take care of yourself. On airplanes they say figure out your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs…applicable here.

We’re all trained from an early age to think otherwise, and this is something I struggle with sometimes, but asking for help is not a sign of weakness. That is what your friends and family are for, which brings me to a biggie:

Blood is NOT thicker than water. I began my life journey with one blood relative in my life, and I’m here later with an extended chosen family of people who are incredibly patient, supportive, honest, and loving in amazing ways. Don’t like your family? Choose a new one!

Finally, and most importantly if you play your cards right, things get better the older you get. Life makes more sense and you get better at what you do :)

What have you learned on your life journey?

My day without aids...

NOT AIDS!!! Hearing aids.  Oh how you fell for it.  Thinking it was one thing, when in reality aids means something different to those with a disability.

I spent Thursday without my hearing aids on.  Which is not all that profound.  I go many days and weekends and such without them on.  Why?  I like the silence.  The world is a very loud place and it's nice to not have to hear every single thing.

What I don't usually do is go without them at work.  When you're dealing with a lot of clientele and staff all day, you kinda need to be able to hear them.

On Thursday, I forgot that I had to move my car early and so I had to quickly leave for work when the reminder came over the speaker.  I grabbed my hearing aid case, got on the elevator, checked and realized that it was empty.  I decided to just go to work and give it a go.

Surprisingly it wasn't so bad.  It was difficult, but not impossible.  Perhaps, the hearing aids have been merely a crutch that I've been holding onto.  I find that when one aid dies and I don't have a battery that it impacts my self esteem.  I don't feel quite as confident when I'm not fully hearing abled.

Recently, I've had a few meetings with members of the deaf community.  We've communicated through using an interpreter, a laptop, me simply signing out letters, lip reading and it's worked out quite well.  It's got me thinking about the world that I live in and the world that I've missed out on by not embracing deaf culture younger in life.

My current (hearing) aids are on their last legs and replacing them will cost like $4000.  I've gone one full 'normal' working day with out them, could I go a life time? 

Why are you single?

Probably the most asked question (and probably the most annoying one) when people meet you first or when people haven’t seen you in so long is, “Are you dating someone?” And if the answer is, “No,” they would eventually assume that they have the right to ask you more questions about “Why are you single?” and try to interrogate you as if you committed the greatest social crime, that is, of being single (by choice or by force).

I was reading this article by Jason Dilts called “A Single Problem,” where he talks about (in a critical and academic way) being gay and single. There have been many writers who wrote about this, one of them being Steven Bereznai in his book Gay and Single...Forever? However, I like Dilts’ take on being gay and single because he speaks more for the twenty-somethings while Bereznai’s I find wrote more for the thirty and fourty-somethings.

What I like about Dilts’ article is his self-liberation from the social and cultural pressures of finding a man to complete his life; rather, he comes to the realization that the most important thing to complete someone’s life is not a boyfriend (or a life-partner or whatever kids call them these days) but it is about truly loving and valuing one’s self and having a self-affirming identity. I think the most important factor that people don’t get is that we need to create an identity for ourselves and not having someone to validate that identity for us; but rather, having us to validate that identity and learn to say “fuck off” to whatever societal pressures are around us.

Afterall, happiness is a social construct and the point is to change it and have our own standards of happiness rather than measuring our happiness vis-a-vis whatever the society has prescribed as being “happy”. It is hard not to judge single people in a society which values and privileges heteronormative forms of relationships (that is, being in a coupled, monogamous relationship) and anything outside of these norms is frowned upon and devalued by the society.

The joys of being single cannot be warranted (and I don’t think I could ever give them up) especially the fact that I can live my life in my own terms, the fact that I could value my own accomplishments, my educational attainments, the friendships I have made and are making, the bond I make in my community and the change I make for the society is more than enough for me to say that I’m as happy as I could be. Being single should not be a problem. Being single should always be celebrated.

Where’s my parade bitches?

Julie & Julia

I just got in from Julie & Julia, which filled me with laughter, happiness and sadness.

Laughter at every single time that Meryl Streep spoke. I've never seen much of Julia Child, but if she's anything like Meryl's impersonation, I would've loved her to pieces. The personality was so warm and welcoming. I loved her determination and her attitude to stick to what she enjoyed.

Amy Adams' story isn't as strong as Meryl. But Amy isn't comparable to Meryl. Meryl is a legend. Who has been on a such a hot streak as of late with film choices. From 'Devil's Wears Prada' to 'Mamma Mia' to 'Doubt', 'Adaptation', and 'The Hours' - she just knows how to find a great balance between the serious to the fun. Always committing fully to the character and the project, even if it's fluff like Mamma Mia.

Which is what I enjoyed about this film. It showed that dedication and commitment and working towards a passion will always be worthwhile in the end.  It's something that I've been reflecting on a lot lately. I'm considering a career/life/location change a year from now. I love my present job, but feel like I've done it all and am just starting to repeat myself. It's definitely within my passion, but I'm very passionate about not repeating myself and expanding on what I know and do.

I really enjoyed watching the relationships in the film between Julie and Julia and their husbands. They were supportive, cute, had great sex lives, laughed a lot, ate tons, and it just seemed so great.  Which is one of the things that got me kinda down and mopey (well as mopey as I could ever be).  I realized that both of these characters found their loves and then their passion. Which made me wonder, if I've gotten it all wrong.

Personally, I've always had my priorities like so: work, school, love, art, friends, other. I believe it's important to do a great job at my work and it makes me really really happy. I believe that having access to higher education is an amazing privilege that should be taken advantage of. This is why, I work full time and go to school full time. Finally, I really really enjoy being in a long term relationship, it makes me happy, it's a great comfort - but it always ends due to my busy schedule.

These characters almost lost their loves due to their passion, but they came back. How do I start something new with somebody these days with all that's going on and convince them that I'm worth it? It's been over a year now and I've gone through loads (hehe...loads) of people. Some connections made, but not enough to make them stay...

After all that ramble, I definitely recommend that you go see Julie & Julia. It's a light and enjoyable film and for those like me, it becomes a bit more. :)