Out of the Closet! - Dream Girl!

Like any good writer, I keep a bag of all my old notebooks, ideas written on scrap paper and articles of inspiration that holds over 10 years of me in it. I haven't been through this bag in forever and only did this morning, cuz I'm missing 2 sheets of paper holding my latest 'masterpieces' on them. :(

It was while going through this bag that I realized that it's only in the last 2-3 years that a lot of my pieces have had a chance to see the light of day. My 2nd realization is that I wrote a lot of crap 10 years ago.

I present piece #1 from Letsbevain's new 'Out of the Closet' series, where shitty pieces that have long been hidden away will finally be revealed. :)

"Dream Girl" - March 22/98 - unedited
Verse #1
Lying in my bed
I'm thinking about her
The way she looks
The way that she smiles
And I'm wishing, I'm dreaming
That she will be mine.

Chorus:
Dreaming about my dream girl again
Wondering if she's even real
Thinking about all the great times
We could have
If I knew where she was...
Dreaming about my dream girl

Verse 2:
I've spent many nights, just lying here
Thinking about you
I picture you and me
Hand in hand
Laughing uncontrollably

Chorus

Verse 3:
If I knew where, I would go there
Doesn't matter how long it would take
I would go anywhere for you
I would do anything for you
Tell me when, I'll be there

Chorus

Verse 4:
Falling asleep again
Hoping to dream about you
Cause in my dreams
We are always together
Always happy, nothing can go wrong,
Nothing can go wrong!



-Now it's your turn to post your awful works of art. :)

I love 'fuck my life' - the site!!!

There are some sites that I visit on a daily or weekly visit, fmylife.com is DEFINITELY one of them. It's simply hilarious!

Here are some highlights from the last few days:

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML

What random sites do you visit?

We watch the same shows...NOW HELP ME, HELP MYSELF!

Alritey so last week's poll proved one of two things. 1) You're tired of polls or 2) You prefer polls that talk about your sex life. ;)

Sorry folks, but this week is simply about helping me out. If you didn't know, this blog is run by my little art company, a jay stewart project. In an effort to rebrand, i've now been directing people to the blog using letsbevain.ajaystewartproject.com. Smart, ain't it?? Why am I doing this? Cuz we're taking on a series of projects that will be announced over the coming weeks. Some little, some big, and some just for my own personal enjoyment. Why else would one have a self titled company, if it weren't for personal interests???

Anyways, back to last week's poll about television. Only 9 votes!! Sad, sad, sad!! Did you know that you can vote only once from home, but again from work, and then again from an internet cafe??? That's right! Or at a friend's house, you could encourage them to vote and then make me feel special. :)

Surprisingly, 66% of you watch 30 Rock and Brothers & Sisters. ROCK ON! I've only really been following 30 Rock this year. I watched the premiere a few years back and it was only so so. I'm finding this year to be consistently funny. I mostly enjoy Tina Fey, she's just so awkward and hilarious. Her stints at getting out of jury duty and a reveal of an ol' adult hotline commercial still make me laugh at the memory.

Brothers & Sisters, I've only watched the first season and that was about 1.5 months ago. It was really good. Now I'm trying to think of a time that I'll have to catch up on the next 2 or 3 seasons. What season is it in now??

Next up with 44% of the votes was Lost. Which is also super super cool! I think we're in season 5 of Lost now and it starts off really strong and then kinda gets into a rut. I think the last 3 episodes, I've seen nothing really progress. Sure, we've got some answers, but really..no real movement. When they divide up the cast, I tend to get a little bored. I like to see everybody hanging out w/ each other.

The next 3 at 33% were United States of Tara, Entourage, and Little People, Big World. U.S. of Tara is really interesting. It's comedy, but then drama. Toni Colette is amazing as Tara...she pulls it off so well. I def. recommend that people download it!!!

Entourage is just good fun! Seriously, when you need to escape, stick in an episode. It's the fastest 30 minutes of my life. Nothing happens sometimes, little thing happen, but it's just a quick escape to chill w/ some of your friends. Ari is my fave, cuz I love ppl who don't filter. :)

Finally Little People, Big World. How many years have we been following these people?? It's great, simple as that!

Now for this week's poll is really easy and will hopefully help me. I pimp out this blog in the hopes of others joining as contributors (IF YOU WANT TO JOIN, LET ME KNOW!!) and to get viewers to check the site. I advertised via MSN (jaycanadiandude@hotmail.com), twitter (jaystewart82), facebook (jay stewart), and then post on various search engines for blogs. So my question of the week is how do you remember to check this site. Through my ads, through bookmarking this site, through the contributors, randomly found it?

Vote on your right!!! Not by leaving a comment. :) Or do both!

Hot Wet Food

March 19, 2009

HOT WET FOOD

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

Freddie stuck his penis into the soft chocolate mocha cake.

Runny whipped cream dribbling down his legs.

Tongue flicking into rude, forbidden crevices.

Fascist police running down empty hallways.

Hidden guns in lingerie drawers.

Tiny, taut breasts.

Bent, silver, broken knees.

Vicious and evil words spewing out of vile mouths.

Craziness and lies.

Fat lips and broken teeth.

Lust is harder than concrete.

Dirty buggered bitch dogs.

Dank, frightened basements.

Ghosts and putrid deeds.

Ugly faces.

Pretty boys who need to shave.

Love and violet smirks.

The loss of innocence.

Ricky Ray

Saturday, April 11, 2009

RICKY RAY

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

I see him surrounded by Dark Forces,
Swirling around and engulfing him,
Strangling his Higher Self.
I try to send him love and light,
To ease his pain
And to stop the devilish energy from killing his goodness.

Ricky calls himself a Buddhist
Yet he is consumed with rage and vengeance.
I do Wiccan rituals,
To the light of a candle,
In the silent depths of the night,
Asking my Guides for a miracle.

This ugly, mean being tries to rob me of joy and passion.
My creativity sits on a chair, unused,
Like a soiled, torn garment.
Thick hands encircle my neck,
Distorting my voice and choking my Life Force.
I stand in court pleading my innocence
For I have done no wrong.

Ricky has no support system,
No life, no hobbies, no lovers or friends.
His tormented shadow falls on all my daily activities,
Like a rabid dog chasing me through a nightmare.

I watched a movie on my TV set.
One of the scenes was set in a beautiful house
Overlooking the ocean in Southern California.
I read a book where the main character owned an 8,000 acre ranch in New Mexico.
She roamed the mountains with her dogs,
Trekking through canyons and cool streams.

Oh, how I long to escape to these places.
To find solace in nature,
Surrounded by quiet and tranquility.
I wish for money to lead a proper life.
Forever the struggling artist counting his pennies.

Ricky professes to believe in Karma,
Yet he cannot see the consequences of his actions
In the here and now.

The Universe surrounds me in a cocoon of White Light and joy.
No harm will come to me.
This is merely a learning experience.
I am not attached to this man,
In any way, shape or form.

I send Reiki to the courtroom.
I am alone.
My Higher Self speaks to me
And I try so hard to hear the soft, faint words.

Ricky is drowning in a black, inky cesspool.
It is not my job to save him.
My biggest wish is for him to disappear from my life
Forever.

Twit, tweet, twitter-ific?

I've spent a week on twitter, I've seen my followers go from 13-15-14-15-14-15-14-15-14. I think I know 2 of the people and the rest are just randoms. I don't know how people find random people on there.

In my eyes, the only point of twitter is to see what 'famous' people are up to in their lives. If I want to know about my friends, they'll update their facebook status.

This week, I witnessed Ashton Kutcher and CNN battling it out to get to a million followers. Ashton won! It was all over the news, in case you missed it. Plus Ashton has taken to the airwaves a la ustream.com to do mini shows. His buddy, Diddy (you know Puff Daddy), has joined in on the fun too. Diddy looks for inspiration and all that jazz. Ryan Seacrest is on, cuz he's a whore and pimps himself out everywhere. I got to add Alyssa Milano, so that's fun. I've had a crush on her forever!!! Now I get to cyber know her. ;)

Of all the celebs, I enjoy Rob Thomas' (matchbox20) and Kevin Smith - mostly cuz Kevin talks about chickening out of trying to do his wife a lot. :P

What's the point of twitter?? I've still no clue. I'm using it like I use facebook to spread the ajaystewartproject brand as far as I can. You can find me at jaystewart82 on there.

What's your experience like on twitter? Are there any celebs that you'd like to connect with?

I want to be old!!!

I've been visiting my grandma the last 2 days as she's temporary moved into a mature residence (haha...old folks home) for 3 weeks. It's part of her recovery from hip surgery that she had about 4 or 5 weeks ago. It's super fancy!

There's a gardening room, an exercise room, a study, a huge movie viewing room, internet area, salon, crafts room, snooker room, it just goes on and on.

Best of all, the dining room is super kick ass! I stayed for dinner tonight and it was crazy. You get bread, salad, the entree was cornish hens with baked potato, wild rice, peas, and cranberries. Plus, your choice of dessert - I had cheesecake.

It's nothing like a high school cafeteria, people just randomly come up to you to ask you about your life history, etc too.

To fill the agonizing boredom of being old and no longer having a purpose, there's activities each day. Today, grandma could have done yoga, watched a documentary, and attended a church service. Or you can invite your grandson (that's me) to entertain you for hours and win 2/3 times at pinochle (greatest game ever!!).

So yah, I used to dread getting old and now I can't wait!!!

Hermit is me!

If you feel like you haven't seen me in a few weeks, it's cuz I'm in hiding. I feel like a good ol' hermit for 2 weeks now. I just can't bring myself to socialize, entertain, or any of that. It's not depression, it's just exhaustion on my part. Too much work/school and not enough play.

I think my 6-8 weeks of constant dating from Jan-March, where I was out almost every other day and then up late being naughty, it's finally all just taken its toll.

Now I don't want to see anybody. Which is why I'm semi dreading this upcoming week. I played semi social on this last Thursday, super social tonight for work, gotta be good lad social tmrw, and then university friends on Monday, hit a friend's show on Tuesday. I can already feel the exhaustion. I have an upcoming road trip, where I'll be meeting a bunch of new people too. Ack, I can feel my introverted side just squirming.

Does anybody else have these phases, where they'd rather just energize through self reflection?

Double Confession For This Week!

For awhile there, I was laying my 'heart out' with a weekly confession. It's been awhile, but one simple video gives you a double confession. Scroll to 4:36 to get the song.



If I'm home and I remember that it's on, I'll watch 'Oprah.' Usually I find her quite irritating, but there's times when I'll find it interesting, possibly informative and occasionally funny. My friend Kristina and I used to watch her together 7 years ago and our commentary was hilarious!

Confession #1: I watch Oprah!

Whatever day this was, Oprah was celebrating country stars. Which I always find kinda funny how much she loves country. I've seen Shania on there, Reba, Dolly you know, everybody. ;)

Confession #2: I kinda like country music.

My Mom loves loves loves country music. No jokes. Growing up, I listened to records from the 50s and 60s (not all country, rock n roll too) and then gas station cassettes with 50s and 60s music on them (anyone remember when you got free shit from the gas station?). Plus, she was huge fans of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. I've listened to Trisha Yearwood, Garth Brooks, Colin (can't remember his last name), and it goes on and on. Many a car trips to the cottage and/or farm were spent singing along to Shania Twain.

Anyways, so I secretly watched Oprah plus Country's Biggest Stars this week. I don't get the appeal of Kenny Chesney. Carrie Underwood kinda emotes terribly, but I was really IMPRESSED by Sugarland. I vaguely recall singing their Something More song a few years back, but hadn't heard their 'All I Wanna Do' song. It's AMAZING! In a way that just makes me happy. I love country due to its simplicity, its story telling, and I love the sound of guitar.

Sugarland is super cute playing live too, they seemed to really enjoy what their doing, which is soooo key to life.

My favourite line from the song is:

"I got my whole life to change the world and climb the ladder. Looking at you, looking at me is the only thing that matters. Come a little closer baby, we can talk without the words."

What's your confession of the week?

I got chills!

YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!!

Sorry I can't embed this, youtube won't allow it. But you must must must watch this clip!!! I don't cry often, but I do get CHILLS a lot! I get chills in sweet moments w/ intimates, certain songs, and def. a lot when I watch tv/film.

If you can watch this, not get chills or filled w/ happiness or a little teary eyed - you're more stone cold than I.

The best part about this is the lesson that it comes with. When you first see her, you assume that it's gonna be another William Hung/Sanjaya type fiasco.

Instead, you have the opportunity to realize that there's greatness in every single one of us. It may come out today, tomorrow, or even 20 years later, but eventually it will be revealed.

I had heard about this clip, but hadn't checked it out. I strongly encourage you to. Here's the link again.

What'd you think?

Don't Hate, Just Masturbate: Animated!!!

I don't do well with time off. I feel the need to be 'productive.' I shopped, I yoga-ed, I ate, I did a bit of cleaning (not enough) and I took an old 'hit' of mine and added animation to it!!!

Here's the result...

Keys to my present happiness!

The followings are keys to my present happiness:

1) The cottage. If you don't have one, I'm sorry. If you do, you'll understand. Water plus green space makes me calm and extremely happy. I only got a day there, but I was still glad that I went. I don't think I've ever had a bad experience there.

2) Yoga. Whenever, I'm pissy, tell me to go do some yoga. It's like my instant release from any and all shitty-ness.

3) Naps. I haven't slept well for at least 2 months now. Naps are key to my sanity. An hour, 20 minutes, even just a quick doze...life is better post nap!

4) Calls/e-mails/msn time w/ friends that you don't keep in touch with often. One of my besties called today while I was driving around from a new number and I almost didn't pick up. Thankfully, I did. I sat in a parking lot, roasting, just chatting away and catching up. 1.5 hours passes as fast as it used to.

5) New ppl who call me out! I don't mean to, but I intimidate some ppl. So when I find someone who's willing to call me out on what I do that annoys, it's awesome!

I think 5 is a good number, so let's stick with 5!

What's presently making you happy?

Happy Easter Ya'll

Just thought I'd celebrate my day off work with all you people.

And not to get killed for not posting so often on this blog.

I kinda wish I had more Easter traditions. As a kid when I asked with gleaming eyes to get chocolate, Easter egg hunts or other things kids got to do or get on this magical day, my parents just retorted "go get it from the store". As I grew older, it just became an even LONGER service at church on these days.

So getting this day off now...is sweeter than chocolate :P

Anyone have traditions on this day??

I like these songs right now...

This is off Prince's new double album and it's just super sweet and awesome. Me likey!!!



I didn't really expect to like Lily Allen's new album, but I do. Then this song started with this awful country beat and I thought I'd definitely hate it. But nope, it's HILARIOUS!!!



I think this song sums up every relationship after it's over and you look back and realize that it wasn't meant to be and you've moved on.



The Black Eyed Peas are BACKKKKKK! They're experimenting with some new sounds and this one is definitely heavy on the dance beats. It's cool, cuz really there's not much vocals, just a lot to dance to. Lo and behold, it's #1 on the Billboard charts. Here's to trying something different and finding out that it can lead to huge success!!!

That's what I'm enjoying this week...how about you?

It's time to Meet the Parents!

Alritey, so say you're one month into hanging out with somebody and you decide to introduce them to the parents. What would be your natural reaction?

For me, it's a state of calm and I'm not sure why. The last person that I introduced to my parents was after a full year of being with them. We were in love, committed, and so it felt right that my parents should finally meet him.

This time around, we've been hanging out for over a month and only officially dating as of earlier this week. It's Easter, I always escape to the cottage, so I figured that I'd just bring him along too. Everybody loves the cottage and an escape from the city is good for all. Plus, it's cheaper than driving to Montreal, paying for accommodations, food, gas, etc. ;)

Yep, I think I just admitted to choosing the cheaper option even though, it may cause some possible grief. I haven't really said much about him to my family. Well except for lying that he was 37 and super rich. To which my Dad exclaimed 'Ugh..you're only with him for his money.' This displaying that my Dad knows nothing about me as I don't do much older and never am with somebody for their $.

I think because things have been so casual that I'm not feeling any anxiety over our day at the cottage. Mostly, cuz I know my fam and they are pretty harmless and when not, I've warned him of what to beware of. My Dad called my ex Shamu for an entire weekend, cuz he thought it was hilarious. My ex coming from a family where people don't make fun of each other...did not! New guy has a pretty good sense of humour, though I'm a little excited to see what flaw Dad will pounce on. ;)

While on the outside this may seem like a 'big step', I don't feel it is. If anything, it's a chance for us to endure a mini road trip with each other, spend a day together, and see how that feels. I've got an upcoming cross country road trip and him many little trips out of province/country. Perhaps this will encourage us to spend some of those together or just continue on our current path of casual-ness.

Do you spend a lot of effort not introducing your relationships to the family? Is it a big step when you do so? Would you rather the family and partner never interact? Any disaster stories to share?

Fatty McFat's TV Viewing

Last week, we learned all about where you like to eat out.

63% of you all enjoy some Pizza Pizza and I don't blame you. Pizza is awesome! Plus, they've got all these great deals nowadays. I'm partial to the $5 combo as you can get pizza, fries, drink and dipping sauce. That's sweet ass!

54% of you like Wendy's and that's super supa cool! I recommend the chicken on the go wrap (grilled) with a small chili and iced tea. If you're in a fatty mood, then jr. bacon cheeseburger, fries, and iced tea.

45% of you have had McD's, Mr. Sub/Subway, and other nasty mall food court food. I haven't had McD's in at least 3 years, but their dollar menu almost got back me. I think I did quizno's in the Fall and I did do mall food court recently. Though I don't know if chicken schwarma counts as nasty food. It tastes pretty damn good!

Now that we're all big and fat from indulging in our fatty mc fat foods, let's talk television. I don't watch a lot of tv, but when I do, I think it's either really good or really really bad.

I love 'Lost' as it's just consistenly unfolding and always has a good season ender. On the flip side, I fucking love 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' too. Why? Cuz I love a man with a mullet!! Haha..I just can't resist. Anything on A&E, I love!!! Then I love 'House' too and that show is great. On the flip side, if I remember the 'Biggest Loser' is on, then I have to watch. So I'm just going to list a ton of shows that I tune into and you vote for the one's that you watch too.

Fuuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk You!!!!!

These are the days when it feels sooooooo good to say 'FUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YOU!!!!!!' to everything and anything!!!

I'm not sure if it's the fact that I worked 7 days in a row and the only got a day off.

For my day off, I spent it writing a 20 page paper - so really I didn't get a day off.

I return back to work and have to deal with a mountain of bull shit and 2 meetings that were booked last minute.

One meeting was alrite, the other not soooooo much. One person accusing me of yelling at them, I was frustrated w/ them, but I didn't yell. She'd know if I was fuckin yelling at her!!! It would've been LOUD!!!

Another long ass day and more bull shit thrown my way through stupidity that is my co-workers!!!

A drive home that takes an HOUR, cuz traffic is blocked at 2 diff. locations!

I've been bad and not yoga-ed in over a week...which was stupid of me, cuz now my FMS is flaring up like crazy and causing me tons and tons of pain!

In conclusion, I'm solving my problems by letting out a good ol' FUUUUUUUCCCCKKK YOU!!!

What'd you do to get through your not so happy times?

I love the song, I hate the video

I have heard this song literally every single time that I've turned on the radio in the last few days and I really freaking like it.

How could I not? It's called 'Love Sex and Magic.' Plus the beat is pretty damn catchy and the lyrics, well, it's a pop song. ;)

But now I freakin' hate the video for 2 reasons: Justin and Slutty-ness.

1) Why is Justin in this video? He sings in some small part, so just show him then. Do I need to see him throughout and like lickin Ciara and doing his usual douche face. This is almost as bad as Rihanna's Rehab video, where he takes a shower with a shirt on.

2) Slutty-ness is cool, but this video takes it over the top. The song is called Love, Sex and Magic. Not Sex, slutty, and whore. There's no love in the video and there's certainly no cool magic. I read something that she said that she studied burlesque dancers for the video...I'd like to give burlesque dancers more credit.

What'd you think?

How do you break up?

Speaking with a new potential, I was reminded of former loves and the dreaded break up. I don't know about you, but I'm horrible at finding the right time to break up. Even when the time arises, I usually cave and agree not to break up. In conclusion, I'm awful at it.

My first real love took me months and months to break up with them. Mostly, cuz I'd spend all week preparing to do it and then I'd see him on the weekend and it'd be like 'Hooray, he's back in my life.' No need to break up, when you're happy. Mostly, I think I was horny and not seeing someone during the week and then only on weekends, it meant that I chose to let the horny win out over the emotions.

When I was finally set to end it, there was never a good time. My b-day in September, Thanksgiving in Oct, his b-day in Nov, and X-mas coming up in Dec. Finally, I did it the worst way possible. I did it over the phone. Which for a LTR, it's about as bad as ending it over a text these days.

My next majjjjuuuhhh break up was even harder. I lived w/ him. Now that sucks hardcore. How do you break up with somebody, when you fear that they'll fuck your shit up? Or like destroy the house that your 'rents own? That's some tough shit to deal with. Plus, you're working 6 days (sometimes 7) a week, going to school, doing placement, and just don't want to deal with anything. It's only when your friends pop back into your life that you get a wake up call and the balls to end it. I can still hear him crying after it was finally over. Never do I ever want to hear such pain again. I still feel pretty awful over that break up.

My last big break up was a good long while in the making. In hindsight, we should've broken up probably 6 months in. Our arguments from the start were always about the same thing. I'd finally have enough, we'd have a 'serious' talk, I'd forgive, he'd promise to try harder and we'd move on. Or, I'd not forgive, I'd say 'it's over', get to the door, we'd hug and then that'd lead to kissing, which would to sexy times. :P We finally came to a mutual decision to just break it off.

After the break ups, comes the still having sex thing that I really need to start getting better at not doing. But that's a piece for another day!!!

So how about you? Are you any good at breaking up?