Saturday, May 2, 2009
POTTY MOUTH
By Philip Cairns
Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns
I rimmed a dwarf on Sunday,
Instead of going to Church.
Sparkling purple amethyst sits on my kitchen table,
A birthday gift from a dear friend.
On Monday, I went to Confession.
The priest wanted to call the Police.
He thought rimming was an act of violence.
I was reluctant to explain the full truth to him,
As he’d led a sheltered life.
A piece of fluff got into my mouth.
I worried it perhaps was fecal matter.
Since it was odourless and tasteless,
I relaxed and tried to enjoy the situation.
The dwarf’s teeth were a little rotten
But his penis nearly hung to his knees.
In this life, you have to take the good with the bad.
I watched Garrett Hedlund in a movie with Jane Fonda.
He looked like the sexiest man alive.
My apartment is full of crystals and semi-precious stones.
Dreams and sorrows waft through the air, inside.
They are so real you can touch them.
I value the silence of the night more than anything,
Except, perhaps, a full body orgasm or $10 million in the bank.
I’ve never made this dwarf cum
Though we’ve had sex many times.
He hugged me close and I asked his name.
His voice cracked like an adolescent boy.
Soothing herbs entered my guts
To kill all the nasty micro-organisms he gave me.
I watched a movie that made me weep
And I worried about dying.
A miniature china version of Judy’s ruby slippers
Sits on a filing cabinet in my living room.
Anita Ekberg called from her villa in Rome.
I didn’t pick up.
Charlie Chaplin sat on my face and farted.
It felt familiar,
Like working at a boring office job
Peopled with nasty shit-head sharks,
Just like the ones who worked in the Purchasing Department at a large hospital.
The only thing worse than most jobs is eating cold midget shit
On a tarnished silver platter.
Life sucks most of the time
But dying at Grace is even worse.
The priest told me to go home and flagellate myself for 20 minutes.
I told him to fuck off then asked him for a date.
He thanked me for the offer
But told me he only liked 12 year old boys.
I knew he was gonna say that.
The psychic with the green sparkly turban
Told me she could bring back my lover
If I gave her $5,000.
I told her I’d give her $7,000 if she made sure he never came back.
She’d never heard that one, before.
The pervert threw a dirty diaper on Sasha’s white, furry couch.
This is symbolic of life on this planet.
I can watch the multi-hued sunrise from my kitchen window
Before I go to sleep.
Lots of things are very beautiful.
I musn’t forget that.
Instead of going to Church.
Sparkling purple amethyst sits on my kitchen table,
A birthday gift from a dear friend.
On Monday, I went to Confession.
The priest wanted to call the Police.
He thought rimming was an act of violence.
I was reluctant to explain the full truth to him,
As he’d led a sheltered life.
A piece of fluff got into my mouth.
I worried it perhaps was fecal matter.
Since it was odourless and tasteless,
I relaxed and tried to enjoy the situation.
The dwarf’s teeth were a little rotten
But his penis nearly hung to his knees.
In this life, you have to take the good with the bad.
I watched Garrett Hedlund in a movie with Jane Fonda.
He looked like the sexiest man alive.
My apartment is full of crystals and semi-precious stones.
Dreams and sorrows waft through the air, inside.
They are so real you can touch them.
I value the silence of the night more than anything,
Except, perhaps, a full body orgasm or $10 million in the bank.
I’ve never made this dwarf cum
Though we’ve had sex many times.
He hugged me close and I asked his name.
His voice cracked like an adolescent boy.
Soothing herbs entered my guts
To kill all the nasty micro-organisms he gave me.
I watched a movie that made me weep
And I worried about dying.
A miniature china version of Judy’s ruby slippers
Sits on a filing cabinet in my living room.
Anita Ekberg called from her villa in Rome.
I didn’t pick up.
Charlie Chaplin sat on my face and farted.
It felt familiar,
Like working at a boring office job
Peopled with nasty shit-head sharks,
Just like the ones who worked in the Purchasing Department at a large hospital.
The only thing worse than most jobs is eating cold midget shit
On a tarnished silver platter.
Life sucks most of the time
But dying at Grace is even worse.
The priest told me to go home and flagellate myself for 20 minutes.
I told him to fuck off then asked him for a date.
He thanked me for the offer
But told me he only liked 12 year old boys.
I knew he was gonna say that.
The psychic with the green sparkly turban
Told me she could bring back my lover
If I gave her $5,000.
I told her I’d give her $7,000 if she made sure he never came back.
She’d never heard that one, before.
The pervert threw a dirty diaper on Sasha’s white, furry couch.
This is symbolic of life on this planet.
I can watch the multi-hued sunrise from my kitchen window
Before I go to sleep.
Lots of things are very beautiful.
I musn’t forget that.
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