Bestiality or Necrophilia?

So, I haven't read the books or seen the first movie but I decided to see New Moon. Mostly because a friend asked me and I made him sit through Cameron Diaz horrible movie The Box a few weeks ago.

Well, I now know I'm not missing anything by not getting on the Twilight bandwagon. New Moon was a steaming pile of cinematic crap. First I'll tell you about the good - the cinematography was pretty and the Taylor Launter is hot for a 17 year old...when not "acting".

The Bad - The acting was on par with a middle school production of the Wizard of Oz. Kristen Stewart spent the entire movie sulking, being moody and staring longingly out a rainy window. Robert Pattison is not nearly as attractive as the tabloids and my 12 year old cousin would have me believe. And then there's Taylor. Dear Taylor spends the first half of the movie in a ridiculous wig and is shirtless at any chance he gets all while unsuccessfully trying to act.

They really stretch out 15 mins worth of plot into over 2 hours. The story is basically it's the age old question "Bestiality or Necrophilia?"....I'm not spoiling anything by telling you she picks necrophilia.

Any thoughts?

THE BEST FUCKING THING I'VE SEEN ALL DAY

Alright folks, so I regularly visit AfterEllen and if you've read the title of this post, I was wide-eyed and frozen in place because holy crap what am i seeing right now??? more than a little pleased.



That is fucking ELLEN PAGE AND DREW BARRYMORE KISSING. Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore kissing! Kissing! Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore! Ellen! Drew!

Okay I'll stop.

There have been rumours about both of them not being exactly straight and more rumours about both of them not being exactly straight with each other and so I was a little excited. This was my mental monologue, "They're together! They're together and they're coming out to Marie Claire. Note: Buy Marie Claire. Oh shit, that means they're both off the market. Dammit. Dammitdammit. Calm down OrneryCornery, like you even had a chance. Well I can dream can't I? Yea whatever now shut up and stop staring like a creeper, that guy in the corner is looking at you weird".

So that was my reaction. And then I read the interview on Marie Claire. Apparently they are just really good friends. Bummer.

But this brings up something. I love lesbian couples. I genuinely crush on two lesbians who are clearly so in love with each other. And I'm not the only one.

It's not even just celebrities. I have two friends who I'll call A and B. A and B have been together since I've known them and they are just so goddamn cute together. They hold hands and whenever I see them I just want to envelope them in my arms and squish them like little bunnies. I of course don't do this because I understand personal space but I can't help my thoughts. What? Don't look at me like that.

So anyway where does this come from? Is it a lack of representation? All day everyday I see straight couples pass the dingo to each other and I just want to see some queer action? Why do I (and many others) go all Twilight for gay girls together?


Picture of Crazy Twilight Fans from here.

Has Twilight faded into night yet...?

Like so many people, I am one of those that have been suckered into the Twilight craze. I am not afraid to admit it.

But my eyes haven't been totally glazed over with sheer 16-year old teen fervor, which I thought would happen.

There are certain things that seem to gnaw away at me that no one else seems to bring up.

I know...blasphemy...but here goes.

1. The story is, of course, compelling...but the writing is...dreadful.

Well...in the first book. Freak...it reads LIKE a 16 year old wrote the whole thing. If I read the word "topaz" one more time I was gonna scream. The second one seems a bit better. Looks like ole Steph found herself some adjectives in this one.

Although there are still some really, really dreadful lines.

"His eyes looked sad...My eyes looked mad" *barf* Hmmm...when did i have lasagna?

I haven't got a chance to read the others yet. Let's just hope that her writing is like that game in Price is Right with the yodeling hiker and the mountain. Where you watch as things keep going up and up on this slope and hope it doesn't fall over the edge. Meyer step out from your ego and look up Anne Rice...a true vampire novelist.

2. The novels are so whiney ie. Bella is so whiney. If this is how rebel-outcast-17 year-old girls think, maybe there's a reason novels aren't usually produced from their perspective. You just want to shake her and say "Hey...your life ain't so bad. Why not try living in the world sometime and suck it up". There are times when I had to take a break just to keep my sanity.

The movie had its problems too.

1. I know the budget was less than $40 mill and they could only film Kristen for like 3 hours a day since she was under 18, but still. Did everything have to look so cheesy? Why did it look like a Canadian produced tv show rather than a wicked episode of Charmed? Please even Charmed did a better job with far less than $40 million smackers.

2. The movie also seemed to just take place in one long week. I thought it was supposed to be a school year. What ever happened to seasons? snow? holidays? anything. C'mon...take a note from Mean Girls director lady and put something in there that makes it seem as if time is passing. It makes things more believeable if you let things blossom over it.

3. I think I needed more..."Oomph". More of an impact in certain scenes. Things just seemed a little flowery and childlike. I thought it'd be a little more like True Blood on HBO, darker and more satiating. True Blood is like that first gasp of air after you've been underwater for far too long. Twilight was more of a gasp of air after you've drank water down the wrong tube.

4. Casting I think was Hot/Cold, thanks Katy Perry. The bad ones: Eric, Tyler, Jasper, Rosalie (aka Fatty), and Esme (aka awful reconstructed Grey's Anatomy chick).

My main reason to go see it was because of Edward and Bella.

The boy who plays Edward, Robert Pattinson, is smolderingly good looking, and I've found him dreamy since he played Cedric in Harry Potter. I die. I die. Good American accent too.

And Bella, Kristen Stewart, well...I've thought she's rocked since Panic Room. Although before this, I tried asking people if they knew who she was and 4 out of 5...wait...make that 9 out of 10 times people gave me a blank stare. The 1 would kinda squint pretending to recognize the name, but I think they were just trying to be nice or make me stop riddling them with movies that they might remember with her in them.

Don't get me wrong. I am thoroughly enjoying the books...now. The characters are growing on me and delving deeper into their history is quite intriguing. But those little things are points I just had to get out there.

I didn't mean to rip things apart if you were a die hard fan.

Oh god...was I too whiney?

Am I just as whiney as Bella????

*worried look*