Online Dating

So I've recently entered the world of online dating. There's a number of sites out there based on what you are looking for (action, pictures, dating, husband...etc). I joined two of the middle of the road sites in hopes of meeting some new people outside of my current circle and maybe finding a cool guy to date.

The day you join you feel like a superstar. You get tons of messages and compliments. You are the new guy in town. Then after a few weeks the messages slow down and you are become one of the regulars. Online dating can really bring out the obsessive nature in people. I know I ended up checking for messages multiple times a day and spending way too much time searching profiles.

One of the problems with online dating is that the profiles can be misleading. People want to put their best selves forward. I found that very often these "best selves" are what the person aspires to be, not how they actually are in real life. A "28 year old, banker with an athletic body and an interest in playing rugby" might actually mean he's 34, wears baseball hats, works in a coffee shop in the BMO building and owns the naked french rugby team calendar.

There's a vetting process that goes on when you meet someone in a natural setting (like at a party, grocery shopping...etc) versus an arranged date from online. You get to see how the person really is and decide if they are worth pursuing. With online dating it takes a few meetings before you get an idea of the persons true self.

Real Life Awkward Situation - I went on a coffee date with a guy from online. Seemed nice, a little reserved but a quality guy. On the Official First Date we went for dinner then he suggested we get some wine and go back to his place. It was a week night but I figured what the hell. Against my better judgement, we ended up getting hammered but it was fun. Who isn't fun after a few drinks? He called me one wednesday night wasted telling me how much he likes me. A novice mistake. It happens. (red flag #1)

Official Second Date: went for dinner where he told me he wanted to "show me off" to his friends and ex boyfriend. (red flag #2). We go to a party where he proceeds to grope me in the most blatant public display of affection I've seen. He refuses to stop until I actually push him away from me. (red flag #3). He gets wasted and makes a jack ass out of himself. I overhear a number of people commenting on what a mess he is. (and the final red flag) Pulls his jeans down in the middle of the living room to reveal his underwear and that I'll "get to see more later". Um no. I'm good thanks.

My point is that it took me hanging out with this guy three times before I saw that he was kind of a drunk mess and that he was not someone I'm interesting in hanging out with. I suppose that is the "fun" part of dating.

Now, the profiles have been deleted...I think I'm going to stick to meeting guys through friends and being a little more aggressive if I see someone who piques my interest. I have met some great people from online so it's not all bad. What are your thoughts on online dating? Any horror stories? Any love matches?

PURPLE WAS ALL THE RAGE IN PARIS

Sunday, October 18/Monday, October 19, 2009

PURPLE WAS ALL THE RAGE IN PARIS

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

Emotions are churning from the depths of my soul.
So intense, they feel like the fireworks in Hitchcock’s “To Catch a Thief”.
Don’t know where they’re coming from.
Faded dreams surround me, as if an anvil had crushed my chest.

I miss the labyrinth-like streets of Paris.
The ecstasy of seeing the “Mona Lisa” in the flesh,
So to speak.
The stunning beauty of the Paris Opera House and the Notre Dame Cathedral.
Buying an exquisite purple etching on a winding street full of art galleries.
I long for the Parisian outdoor cafes
And the beauty of the well-dressed, fashionable women.
The gorgeous, jewel-like young men glowing in the sun.

Getting lost and winding up in the Red Light district,
A prostitute motioned for me to come to her.
Her friend (was he a pimp?) helped me to find my way.
I was only one street away from my sought-after destination.

I wasn’t blue in Paris.
Spending money,
Shopping.
The glorious spectacle of the city dazzling my child-like eyes.
Walking in lush, giant, manicured gardens beside an enormous palace.
Ogling rare jewel-encrusted goblets in the Louvre.
Standing in awe in front of masterpieces by Leonardo da Vinci.

Purple was the magical colour in that late summer:
In store windows, in people’s clothes on the street,
My Hugo Boss shirt and mauve suede shoes.

Judy Garland sings “Paris is a Lonely Town” but I never felt that way.
My companion had scores of relatives, wining and dining us.
The plump old aunt who lives in a fashionable part of town,
With teeming, trendy cafes below her plant-filled balcony.
Annie is good friends with her dead husband’s mistress.
Only in Gay Paree!!

The Arc de Triomphe blew my mind.
So much history oozing from every pore.
Respect and reverence for the past.
I bought a gorgeous miniature high heel shoe near the Seine.
I swam in the pool and took steam in a gay sauna bath
But I remained chaste for the whole trip.

Sitting at meals where everyone spoke French, except me.
Everything sparkled in this vibrant city.
I was mesmerized by the sight of the Eiffel Tower
Lit up in the distance at night.
I stood in a square and stared at it for hours
While young street performers twirled flaming batons
And danced a choreographed routine.
My friend bought me a bathrobe that cost $180!

Paris, let me see you, again, before I die.
Embrace me.
Let me gorge on your culture and beauty.
You are like another planet, dipped in antiquity.
Ancient sculptures sit placidly in your museums.
Let me sit on the top of the double-decker bus
Sucking in all your riches.

The cab driver said, “It’s only the Eiffel Tower. Big deal,”
As we passed it for the first time in daylight.
I sat sniffling in the front seat because it epitomizes romance, to me,
And I never thought I would see it.

Life has turned out so different than I had planned.
Dreams turning into nightmares.
But walking along the Champs-Elysees at night
Is like a rush of fresh poppers.

Loud cafes with glamorous women.
Magnificent, old triangular buildings.
Winding, narrow streets.
The over-the-top owner of the art gallery,
Who could have stepped out of the British film “The Red Shoes”,
Flitting around with enormous eyes and her hair pulled back in a bun.

Warm, perfect weather.
Beauty lurks around every corner in Paris.
Let me drink you till I burst.
Feed my spirit and inspire me.
I need to see you one more time.

Where The Wild Things Are - Simply Amazing

Literally, I walked into my place from seeing 'Where The Wild Things Are' and need to do a quick post informing you that you should go and see this movie.

1) The soundtrack is perfect for this film.  You will need to download it post-show
2) The film allows for quiet simple moments.  The pace can be slow, but it allows you to immerse yourself into the film.
3) The wild things are real.  It's not some crummy animation, they're solid breathing emotive creatures.
4) This is a story told from a child's perspective.  From the dialogue to the parallells from reality to fantasy.  Many critics have harped on the simple plot, they forgot that this is Max's story.
5) Catherine Keener is in it.  A small role, but everything she does is grand.

Simple short post to get you to go out and enjoy a movie.  I haven't almost cried in a film in either forever or a long time and I got pretty close a few times in this one.

Let me know your post film thoughts,
J

Should Anderson Cooper Strip for 50k?

I think it's safe to say that many of us queers have some love for Anderson Cooper. Sure, he has continuously let us gays down for his choice of not coming out about his sexuality, but it's that mystique that makes him even more sexy.

You can watch him each night on 360 and lately each Friday with Kelly Ripa on Live with Regis & Kelly. While covering the news, he keeps it real and honest. While dishing in host chat, he's funny and charming.

He gets a lot of flack for not coming out, but I think I've found a way for him to make up for it.

HE CAN DO A STRIP SHOW FOR 50 000!!!

A visit to St. Marc's spa website reveals an online petition to get Anderson Cooper to perform a full frontal 15 min. strip show and in exchange, they will give him 50 000.

He can add some rules, like no one can take pictures or videos, perhaps they can't even comment on the size of his wang. He can even choose the song list for the strip tease and what he wears (I'd like him to start in a suit and strip down to some booty shorts only to lose those and be wearing a classic stripper gold thong). Afterwards, he can even donate the 50 000 to his fav. charity (preferably one that's queer focused).

It'll give him a way to say 'Thanks' to his queer audience for supporting him all these years, boost his ratings on CNN, and give 50k to a struggling charity. All for 15 min. of prancing around and getting naked.

With this all in mind, should Anderson Cooper for 50k?

I'll do you like a truck

Geo Da Silva - I'll Do You Like A Truck
Uploaded by AirplayRecords. - Explore more music videos.

Now I've certainly written some stupid shit over my artist years (Don't Hate Just Masturbate, Chair Fuck, Shoot a load, not yourself - lyrics found at ajaystewartproject.com.)  But this piece is truly one of the worst things that I've ever seen.

I'll do you like a truck makes no sense lyrically and doesn't even try to justify it with some witty verses.  It's video is simple...fit bod ppl (most ugly) taking off their clothes and doing some 'slap that ass' dance.

I've been doing my best to not speak about stupid shit on here for awhile.  As I feel it simply promotes the stupidity.  But I want you all to sit and watch this video...at least once...at least for 30 seconds.

Afterwards, you will be soooo inspired that if this piece of garbage can be produced and get a music video that anything that you do has an equal or better chance.

There are times as an artist that I feel that I will never measure up and then there are moments like this that I am glad that I didn't give up so many years ago.

Exodus from Church?

I've noticed that Jay already blogged about this article from the Star but I just wanted to give my two cents (I promise this a different take). I want to point out some issues raised in the article:
(i) gentrification: Church and Wellesley is no longer the 'ghetto' it used to be before the victories of gay rights e.g. same-sex marriage
(ii) not a very welcoming environment for trans folks
(iii) multi-ethnic events are very rare and everything seems to be dominated by males (read: gay white men)
(iv) unfriendly bars and clubs towards lesbians
(v) businesses are largely geared towards middle-class white men
What then are the problems in the gay village that seem to be unfriendly and unwelcoming towards our brethren who potentially are 'outsiders' in the community which is supposed to be welcoming to everyone? The first problem that I could see here as the article stated is the gentrification of the village. I remember one episode of Will and Grace when Jack and Will bought a property (I think, I do not completely remember)in a small town in the middle of the woods and their presence was welcomed because they were gay and they thought that by bringing in the gays there, they will gentrify their neighbourhood.I think that this is partly true but at the same time, who gets disadvantaged with the gentrification of the village? As the article have said, the businesses are largely targetted towards middle-class gay men and by the fact that they are white and gay tells us that the racialized minority gay men and women cannot and are not able to afford living and hanging out in the village. The fact that multi-ethnic events are very rare is also not a surprise. Just hang out in the village and you will see how the village is dominated by white men. Further, as with anything concerning LGBTs, the trans folks are always left out. Where is the warm embrace and welcoming spirit that the village is supposed to offer 'us' for simply being a non-heteronormative person? It seems to me that the village has become a beacon and epitome of exclusion and hierarchy between and amongst those who identify as LGBTTI2Q. In any community afterall, eventhough we are considered to be marginalized, there is another layer of marginalization in that marginalized community. The exclusionary practices in the village shows us how these multiple layers of marginalization work within and between the LGBTQ community. How do can we address this further marginalization of racialized LGBTQ folks, womyn, trans folks and bisexuals, in addition to Jay's questions below.

I don't need a Gay Village!

This morning came TheStar's attempt at looking relevant and caring about queer issues...about 2 weeks too late.

If you're queer and semi aware of current events, you've heard that Zelda's is no longer on Church St.  In true super uber gay drama, Zelda's up and disappeared over night.  Apparently, rent was just too expensive for them. 

People cried and cheered over such an occurrence and continued with the talks of the Village dying.

Bitches, the Village has been bleeding from both ends towards a slow death for years.  It's simple.  It's old and tired and needs some major lipo to look good again.  Plus, it only appeals to a very small market.  And unlike every other writer, I'm not going to mention that it's only for middle aged middle class whities.  It's simply for those that are fine w/ rocking the gay stereotype.

I haven't been out gay clubbing in TO in close to 7 months.  Why?  a) I'm avoiding all my ex's and b) I rarely enjoy myself.

Here's our choice for a 'Church St & Area' gay night out...

1) Woody's - never been and made life long goal to never attend.  I win Best Ass every night at my place. :P

2) Zelda's - I went there twice.  One for a b-day party.  Once for drinks.  It was campy, but the food was blah.

3) Crews - This place was already way too hot and the DJs played mostly crap.  The only fun thing was going up and down the stairs hoping to catch a good song.  Then continuing to play that game all night long.

4) Buddies - They will never succeed on a Fri. night.  Saturdays were hit and miss.  If the DJ ignored crappy requests by drunken children and stuck to a current top 40 mix...it'd be tolerable.

5) Fly - HA!

6) 5ive - I miss you.  You were fun

7) Barn - HA, HA!

8) Goodhandy's - Wednesday stroke offs were fun until they kept pushing the 'good' stuff until after 12 and closer to 1am.  Some of us need to work the next day. 

9) I'm sure there's more, but is of no interest to me...

Now a lot is being said about 'do we really need a gay village?' - it's safe everywhere!  Or at least in a few more spaces within the city. 

For me, it's that the heteros have invaded the space so much that it's no longer queer.  It's just another night out.  There's nothing special about any of these clubs.  I see heteros making out with each other, brides hosting their bachelorettes, or every fag with 6-7 hags. 

Plus, can't we be a bit more creative with our programming??  House music and go go boys...COME NOW!  Dance music and a drag queen with go go boys...COME NOW!!!  Seriously??  The nights are all failing..why don't we try something a little different?  Perhaps, a rock night.  Imagine that??  A night where we dance up a storm to some solid rock...or even rock pop...if we must start somewhere.  Or even *gasps* a 25 and older club night.  How many of us have simply stopped clubbing because we're tired of the baby gays upstaging us or simply being SOOO annoyingly stupid and drunk and high?

Instead of blaming increased rent spaces for shoo-ing the queer establishments out of their spaces???  Why don't we look at some alternatives measures to what to do to attract queers back to Church?