2009: Most played songs on my ipod

It's the end of the year and there's a ton of top 10 lists going around on the internet.  I had the idea of checking in with my ipod's most played list of songs that I added in '09.  This means that the song could have been released at another time, but I didn't discover it until this year.  I tend to get obsessed with a new album and put them on repeat.  For this reason, I'll only take the top song from an album and move onto another.

Here's the top 5:

1) Don't Let Me Stop You by Kelly Clarkson - This is def. one of the better power rock pop songs off of Kelly's All I Ever Wanted album.  For someone's who been through way too many partners for one year and held onto a few past expiry, this was a good song for me. 

2) Touches You by Mika - Not added until September and yet it's #2 on my list.  Why?  Cuz it's soooo freakin' awesome.  Yes, it totally riffs on George Michaels, but who cares.  It's music.  In concert this last October, it was my favourite song and had the entire crowd dancing.

3) 4ever by Prince - So many people destroyed Prince's 3 album release (well 2 from him, one from his protege).  But like every other album released by an artist, there's a few great tracks on each album.  4ever is a story about waiting on a love, well forever. :)

All I Want To Do by Sugarland - This is a country song.  Which started my semi-renewed in country again.  It's an upbeat positive song about being in love sung with an awesome southern twang.

I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas - Unlike the rest of the list, I seriously can't stand this song now.  There was a time though, when it pulled me out of the blues and gave me faith that today would be a better day. 

There you have it, my ipod's top 5 played songs of 2009.  Judging by this, I was craving some good times and love this year.  What was your top played song of 2009?

FRANCES FARMER

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

FRANCES FARMER

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

“Peter,” said Frances Farmer. “I never had a lobotomy.
A lot of ‘Shadowland’ was pure bullshit. But you know that, already.”
Her head, covered in soft, curly blonde hair, spoke to me from the swirling mist
On the Other Side.
That’s all I could see of her.

The Frances Farmer saga has fascinated me since I read
“Will There Really Be a Morning?” when I first left home in 1973.
I worked at a slave place, with a cruel boss, washing hair
And giving blow dries in a trendy hair salon for about $1.50 an hour.
I loathed it.
I was not in the best frame of mind and reading the book
Threw me into a tailspin of depression.

“Peter. I had such a horrible life, really,” Frances whispered to me,
As if in a dream.
“I had everything: beauty, brains, fame and money.
It all got washed away in a sea of booze.
Listen to me, baby. Steilacoom was as horrible as all the books said.
A hellhole of rape and abuse. We lived like pigs in the back rooms.
It’s an old story, told too many times.”

Frances was just a floating apparition, wafting in the ether.
“Darling, there was no conspiracy against me.
I was a woman with a lot of rage and an alcohol addiction.
I wish I could go back and do it again.
I never got a fair shake.
Being a movie star sucked, actually.
The scripts stank and the hours were the pits.
Who wants to get up at 4:30 in the morning
And spend hours getting your hair and makeup done, every day?
Not me.”

Her story makes me very sad.
Every time I watch the movie “Frances”,
I get so angry that I have to turn it off.
Then I put it on, again, because the tale is so compelling
And Jessica Lange and Kim Stanley are so wonderful in it.

Does everyone know the story of Frances Farmer,
The actress who allegedly went crazy and ended up in the looney bin
For almost a decade?
After her release, she got a job sorting dirty laundry in a hotel in Eureka, California.
Then she ended up having some dumb afternoon TV show in Philadelphia
Introducing old movies.

Gorgeous is a word to describe her.
Talented, mercurial, tortured, idealistic, not really loved.
A heartbreaking saga but the stuff that great drama is made of.
“Frances” gave a great role to the legendary Kim Stanley
Who played her mother in the movie bio.
Stanley was another alcoholic with a monumental talent.
She only made 5 movies, if you count the narration for “To Kill a Mockingbird”.
Two of them garnered her Oscar nominations.
Kim would always quit a Broadway show before the run ended.

Talent equals genius equals torture equals trouble and strife,
At least some of the time.
Was I just daydreaming?
Did Frances really talk to me?
Farmer made a lot of crappy movies.
She didn’t die alone.

Luscious features, the body of a sex symbol,
The mind of an Orson Welles.
She drifts through infinite time,
Weeping softly and sometimes laughing till tears fill her eyes.
Watch “Come and Get It” on the late show
If you want to know what I’m talking about.
Frances Farmer was a saint,
A rabble-rouser, a goddess and a lush.

Her voice drifted off into the cosmos.
“We’ll speak, again, my dear,” she murmured.
I know I will contact her, again, sometime.
Vincent Van Gogh, Judy Garland, Montgomery Clift.
I’d love to have their talents but I wouldn’t want to live their lives.

It's X-mas Eve...

It's X-mas eve and Santa will soon be arriving.  I know you're all looking at this pic and thinking 'Mmmmm...if only Santa really looked like this.' ;)

I'm sitting in my parents' living room staring at the x-mas tree with way too many presents under the tree and wondering what the rest of you are up to.

Are you alone?  Are you with family?  Are you wrapping gifts?  Are you drunk?

Tonight, we did our annual x-mas eve traditions.  Us kiddies got to open one present and surprise surprise, it was pjs.  It's funny cuz I don't wear pjs any other nite of the year, but tradition is tradition.

Pa read 'Twas the night before x-mas' and I recorded it this year.  We helped to finish each sentence and for some reason, I thought that 'while St. Nick danced in their heads' was the correct line to yell out loud.  Apparently, it's visions of sugar plums....my bad.

X-mas story done and then a few passages from the bible read.  This led into a picture taking session in front of the fireplace w/ my bro and I.  Sis wasn't here this year as she's a traitor. :P

Tomorrow, we will be opening X-mas presents at noon w/ the arrival of nephew and sis.  This will lead into our usual marathon of opening presents.  It takes so long, because we open one by one from eldest to youngest.  Each person gets to open one present, we all stare in amazement, and then move on.  Honestly, it's gone on for 3 hours plus in previous years.

How have you spent your x-mas eve?  What traditions have been renewed and which one's broken?  What will x-mas day entail?

ANOTHER FUCKING DAY

I like to have a Martini. Two at the very most. After three, I’m under the table. After four, I’m under my host.

Dorothy Parker

Saturday, December 19, 2009

ANOTHER FUCKING DAY


By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns


Drink till you can’t stand up.
Drink till you puke on the carpet.
Drink till the red wine spews out of your ass.
Imbibe until it kills you.
After all, death isn’t so bad.
It’s better than working at telemarketing
And always being broke.
Shoot up till you overdose.
What a fucking way to go, baby!!
Stick that effing needle in your arm and fly to the moon.

Snort coke till your nose haemorrhages.
Till you have a seizure.
Nobody cares whether you live or die.
Maybe all my paintings and writing will go in the dumpster when I kick the bucket.
All that fucking work down the drain.

So give me a bottle of lye, just like that fabulous actress, Rachel Roberts.
She killed herself over Rex Harrison who farted on stage, once.
I wouldn’t look twice at that asshole but she died for him, violently.
The force of the concoction she ingested propelled her through a glass Chinese screen in her kitchen.
Way to go, Rachel. You fucking rock, baby.

Stick that needle in your arm full of smack and speed.
It killed John Belushi.
Now, if you’re lucky, it’ll do the same for you.

I’m just pissing in the wind, here.
No one is listening.
Everyone I know is in AA or Narcotics Anonymous.
Let’s just go to sleep.
Forget about all the drek and bullshit.
All the bills you can’t pay.
The dreams that never came true.
The ones who never loved you.
Who didn’t want to suck your dick.

The pretty blonds who slipped through your grasp.
The success that eluded you.
All the nightmares that came true.
The fantasies that remained just that: illusions and disillusionments.

Pour another glass of Coke.
Spike it with Southern Comfort and just a touch of hemlock.
Give me a dozen reefers.
I don’t even want to know what planet I’m on.
Someone’s down there between my legs
And I don’t give a shit who it is.
If it’s a stinky wino, I don’t give a fuck.
Just get me off.
Shove a hot poker up my ass.
Anything to make me forget about my fucking life.

Montgomery Clift was too fragile for this planet.
He drank himself to death.
Took too many pills.
Yet he was gifted with the talents of a genius.
Let me put my arm around you, Monty.
It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart.
You were smart.
You got out while the going was still good.
You didn’t stick around till you needed diapers and a drool cup.
You didn’t mess your pants in the nursing home.

Kenneth Williams, from the Carry-On movies,
Wrote in his journal, “Oh, what’s the bloody use?”
Then he offed himself.
I ask myself the same question, frequently.
But a little voice keeps me going.
This Aquarian feeling that maybe tomorrow will be better.
That I am worth something despite all the shit and piss
Rubbed into my unwilling face, on a daily basis.

This snake pit is an evil place.
I climb up the hill and roll back down into this sewer, again and again.
What is to be done?
Just breath.
Get out of bed. Get ready for the day.
Try not to stink or waste too much time.
Have another drink.
Fill up the syringe.
Load up the hookah.
Get out the rolling papers.
Unzip your fly.
Tomorrow is another goddamned, fucking shitty day.
What the hell is to be done?

Tis the season...awards season!

Awards season is upon us. The Golden Globes were announced yesterday and a slew of others will be coming in the next few months all leading up to gay Christmas, the Oscars. The hit of the Golden Globe is "Up in the Air" a dramatic comedy with George Clooney and director by the guy who did Juno.

Now, I am by no means a George Clooney fan. He comes off as a bit too smug for my liking, however he's great in this film. The female leads are fantastic and were also nominated. Anna Kendrick (from the underrated movie Camp) plays a fresh of of university overachiever. As the film progresses we get to see there's more to her than we initially thought. It's kind of a perfect movie...a simple story with flawed, funny and relatable characters.

The other big flick for Awards is Precious. It's been getting a TON of buzz. I think it's a good movie but not nearly as fantastic as Oprah and Tyler Perry would like us to believe. Plus I wanted to slit my wrists and after it was done. Mo'nique has a few amazing scenes but some moments in the film feel like a bad made for tv movie. Most surprising is that Mariah Carey can act! Her part isn't very flashy, but she does a respectable job and, dare I say it, shows some potential for being a working actress in the future.

Other notable movies that should be getting awards this winter are 500 Days of Summer, Julie and Julia (in a perfect world Meryl Streep would win an Oscar every year) and The Blind Side (will be seeing this tomorrow, we'll see if Sandra Bullock is deserving of the buzz she's been getting).

Any awards season faves?

Olympics on Stolen Land > your protest against them

I think activism is super-important. In my history of comitting it(and make no mistake, activism is something you do, not something you think about) I have been blacklisted, spat upon, been targetted for various types of thrown objects, gasses, and hoses, and narrowly escaped arrest (RGH goes to jail? sounds like a musical).

HOWEVER

I feel really disillusioned lately. The current "No Olympics on Stolen Land" protest that is so popular with many people (including dear friends with whom I have agreed %%100 with before) is so centrally flawed and ass-backward. The activists yell "OLYMPICS = COLONIAL THEFT OF INDIGENOUS LAND!!!!!! CORPORATE PROFIT GRABBING!!!!!! ECOLOGICAL DESTRUCTION!!!!!! MILITARIZATION!!!!! MIGRANT EXPLOITATION!!!!!!" The people yelling the loudest seem to be students, who are ignoring the fact that their precious institutions are similarly built on stolen land(true also of the spaces they party in and the jobs they hold down). Why are the Olympics being blamed for things like migrant exploitation and ecological destruction when pretty much every thing that exists in north america is guilty of the same? I'm not suggesting for a second there aren't problems with the big O's, but the current protest will achieve nothing other than further marginalizing the activists' arguments. Colonialism, Corporatization, and Militarization are real problems, but there are MUCH worse offenders, much closer to home. If we hold the Olympics accountable, we must hold every business, organization, and entity that does the same.

A lot of activism seems to be about famewhoring. The excellent Stop Murder Music Campaign is sometimes overtaken by folk who'd rather be quoted in the press when someone big or notorious comes along then do anything when someone whose music they like or hypocritically deem as being "in the interest of artistic freedom" comes to town. A few summers ago, a big theatre-related protest centered around a man who isn't even allowed in the country. His absence negated the efforts of people who worked long and hard to make sure their outfits would be seen on tv and their voices could be hear loud and clear. They updated their facebook statuses and played cafe politics instead of doing something actually productive. In the end hype and the the publicity machine trumped actual political engagement.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not turning my back on protest life...I love complaining too much! However, I promise to back up that complaining with action, and to think through things. I hate seeing corporate logos everywhere, but I understand that money is needed to make things happen and that they have as much right to try and make a dollar as I do. Racism (and eveything else it engenders) sucks, but working from without is less effective than working from within. I'll be watching the Olympics this year with excitement, and I don't feel like I need to apologize to anyone for that. That is, until Canada's medal haul is again embarassingly low :P

Who's your cheerleader?

A conversation with a bud made me wonder something about all of you, who's your cheerleader?

In your life, who supports you? Who jumps for you when you arrive? Who keeps you going after you want to quit?   You know, who's your cheerleader?

I've previously written about my 3 mentors in my life, these would definitely be my cheerleaders.  One for work, one for the arts and one for life.  Not a bad trio at all!!!

I, then, have my posse of friends.  The one's who support & berate me through horrible decisions. Who, then, still console me when I finally realized what they saw months ago.  They're also the one's who volunteer on my many art projects.  Who stay my friend, even when I don't see them for months due to my crazy lifestyle.

I grew up being taught to be very independent and self reliant.  Around my early 20's, I started realizing that while I can do it on my own, I prefer having a support network. 

It's a pretty simple question, who's your cheerleader?

A year of completion

So to celebrate the one year anniversary of Let's Be Vain, I have decided to chat about the year of completion for me.  Big changes have occurred in my life (most of them in the past month and a half).  And here it goes;

1) School - Well this is a major one.  Eight years it took me to get my undergraduate but I finished it.  Too be honest I never thought the day would come when I could say I am done university.  I started at Laurier back in 2001, such a long time ago, with high hopes and inspiration to stay in Waterloo for four years.  It turns out I didn't last past one year.  See the school was great, but the town sucked.  There was only one gay bar and it was lame.  On top of that I had a bf back in Toronto and the floor I was living on was full of 20 straight guys (well turns out at least one was gay...but he never came out to me).  Anyways I decided to move back to Toronto and go to U of T.  Unfortunately I didn't make the cut the first year, long story.  So I worked for a year and started at U of T in 2003 part time.  U of T turned out to be quite a challenge, especially working full time on top of it.  I failed two classes and barely pass many others and it just never seemed to end.  There were many points I thought of giving up and dropping out, but I got my act in gear and worked hard.  My marks improved and I started enjoying school again up to this last year.  I finished my last course on November 30th and couldn't be happier.  I know I will get a good mark and I ended on a high note.  I am proud to say I stuck with it and it paid off.

Relationships - In February I met a boy and we quickly started dating.  He seemed to be perfect for me and compliment me in every way.  We never argued and always enjoyed doing the same things.  As time rolled on, I realized that things that seem perfect rarely are.  What I realized is that we were both ignoring issues we had with each other and scared to confront them.  I was in that relationship for all the wrong reasons.  I was scared to be alone (really I have been in some type of relationship for the past 9 years).  I also realized that it is wrong to be with someone when you love someone else.  In the end back in November we broke up and I do hope that even though our relationship is over, one day we can be friends.

Family - Back in August a very important person to me (my grandma) lost her 5 year battle to colon cancer.  She put up an amazing fight and made it to 80.  She was one tough lady but had the biggest heart.  There was something about walking into her home, where you instantly felt like it was yours.  No matter who came over, she was there waiting with a smile, a hug and food.  The last eight months were tough, but I was fortunate enough to spend plenty of time by her bedside, watching her favourite shows, playing scrabble, watching her do her scratch and wins.  In the end she went peacefully and is now off wherever she is with my papa.  

All in all, it has been a year of completion.  Funny how it is also the end of one decade and the beginning of the next.  I hope that the 10's are just as exciting as the 0's were.

THE AFTER-LIFE

Friday, December 11, 2009/Thursday, January 7, 2010

THE AFTER-LIFE

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2010 by Philip Cairns

Thank God, the overdose is taking effect.
Won’t have to live on this shitty planet any longer.
Yippee!!
Fuck you, Planet Earth.
Hope I never see you, again.
Eat shit and die.

Oh, I feel so relaxed.
A little scared, I have to admit.
If that sadistic shit-head God does exist,
Maybe he’ll be pissed off that I killed myself.

What’s this?
A pink and vermilion corridor of neon.
What’s that sound?
A Musak version of the fucking Monkees!!
I was expecting a celestial choir of angels all in white.
At the very least, Puccini.

Who’s that coming towards me?
Oh, no! It’s my Aunt Tilly!
I never could stand her.
Didn’t she die in the late 80s?
I run past her, ignoring the calling of my name.

I come to a toll-gate at a fork in the road.
A man in a blue uniform says,
“Hey, asshole. Tell us what you did on Earth, if you want to pass through.”

“Well, I didn’t just drink beer and watch football on TV.”

“There’s nothing wrong with football, you snivelling little faggot, “he says.
(Christ, homophobia is okay on the other side?
What kind of an After-Life is this?)

I list my accomplishments to him.
“Big deal!” he says. “How many awards did you win?
How much money did you make?
Were you the CEO of any company? Did you have a PhD?”

“Well, I did win Best Performance at a poetry event
And I won the door prize at my Grade 8 reunion.
I got a couple of Toronto Arts Council grants.”

“Big fucking hairy deal. Not good enough.
Hey, guys. Beat the crap out of this little shit.”
A bunch of thugs come bursting out of nowhere,
With lead pipes in their hands.
I blast away, like a rocket, into the void.
My heart bursts out of my chest.

The mist surrounds me, like London fog, as I run and run.
My bare feet pound the ground, with no end in sight.
The jackals snap at my ass in a world of perpetual night.
Maybe I made the wrong decision.

I sit in the mist for what seems like a thousand years.
I get up and tramp along.
The landscape changes to the Camino in northern Spain.
Beautiful trees, sunshine and light.
I walk and walk for days and days.

Marilyn Monroe appears out of nowhere.
“Philip Cairns. You’re my favourite actor of all time. “
Under her breath, I can hear her mutter,
“I say that to all the actors. It makes them feel good.”

“Philip, I’m telling you,
There’s nowhere to go. Nothing to do.
You’ll be walking down this path forever.
That’s your punishment.“

“Marilyn! I can’t believe it’s you. You’re my favourite. I love you.”

“Of course, you do, my dear. Of course, you do,” she says.
“What’s that fabulous refrain you wrote? It’s so beautiful.”

“I loved you in “The Misfits”. In everything you did.”

“Thanks, sugar,” she says. “Let’s sing that song.
We’ll be walking a long, long time.”

Come on, everybody, let’s take an overdose.
This Earth sucks the big one,
I think it’s pretty gross.
Pricks and wackos ‘round every bend.
It’s enough to drive you crazy
And go off the deep end.

We trudge into oblivion, together.
The swirling, glorious nothingness enflames and engulfs us.
Iridescent Gold and Silver shimmers and burns our souls.

Bestiality or Necrophilia?

So, I haven't read the books or seen the first movie but I decided to see New Moon. Mostly because a friend asked me and I made him sit through Cameron Diaz horrible movie The Box a few weeks ago.

Well, I now know I'm not missing anything by not getting on the Twilight bandwagon. New Moon was a steaming pile of cinematic crap. First I'll tell you about the good - the cinematography was pretty and the Taylor Launter is hot for a 17 year old...when not "acting".

The Bad - The acting was on par with a middle school production of the Wizard of Oz. Kristen Stewart spent the entire movie sulking, being moody and staring longingly out a rainy window. Robert Pattison is not nearly as attractive as the tabloids and my 12 year old cousin would have me believe. And then there's Taylor. Dear Taylor spends the first half of the movie in a ridiculous wig and is shirtless at any chance he gets all while unsuccessfully trying to act.

They really stretch out 15 mins worth of plot into over 2 hours. The story is basically it's the age old question "Bestiality or Necrophilia?"....I'm not spoiling anything by telling you she picks necrophilia.

Any thoughts?

THE END

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

THE END


By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

Wish I had a guillotine to chase away the blues.
Quick and painless.
No more dealing with vicious crazies.
I could dress up like Marie Antoinette,
Complete with a foot high mauve powdered wig.

Get a friend to videotape my dramatic exit.
No. Better do it myself.
Don’t want anyone to be charged as an accessory.

Oh, Goddess.
Help me out of this pus-filled snake pit.
Try to think of Paris,
The beautiful young men and La Tour Eiffel.

Climb out of this bricked-in tomb.
I thought painting would ease the pain.
Instead, I’m staring at my glaring, gaping limitations, all over again.

The glass isn’t half full.
It’s smashed on the floor in a pool of human sewage.
I drilled through the Koran.
Hung it from a lamp post by a rusty chain.

I’m climbing up the gallows stairs.
My head fits snugly in the cold slot.
The blade comes down and … splat!
Plop!
Nice and easy.
No rent to pay.
No credit card debt.
No difficult artists to deal with,
(Or am I the volatile one?)
But it’s all in my head, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Still crawling over broken glass in the desert of my life.

Snap out of it!
Dream of flying erections and pretty blonds with curly hair.
Cherubic faces gazing up at you when you first meet.
A long, wet sloppy kiss
With tongues and groping and rubbing,
Crotch to crotch.

Sometimes, it’s hard to fly.
It can be icy up there, all by yourself,
With no one to catch you when you fall.

The Naysayer is pushing me over the cliff.
I’m holding on with my bloody fingernails.
Try to think of the sensual sensation
Of bright acrylic paint oozing onto bumpy Arches paper.
Layer upon layer of gooey wet colours,
Like shaving foam being spread onto the chiselled jaw
Of a hot male fashion model.
Red Liquitex paint, ebbing and flowing against a bed of Iridescent Gold.

Sex isn’t everything but it’s better than nothing.
Give me Cathy Petch and her sexy poems and loopy musical saw.
That will put a smile on my face.
Lick my forbidden zones.
Put some cold hard cash in my bank account,
With rows and rows of zeroes.
Please don’t send me nasty emails
With embarrassing cc’s to my best friends.

I sent the guillotine back to Wal-Mart,
(Or should I just hide it in the closet?)
I ache all over.

Just give me something, anything, to ease the pain.
A bottle of Scotch.
A pen and notebook.
A pill.
A syringe full of heroin.
An intelligent beauty lying naked on my bed,
Waiting for me with open arms.
An uplifting message from the Great Beyond.
A miniature silver guillotine hanging on a chain around my swollen neck.

Close the door, please.
It’s cold.
Fuck you, asshole!

BLUE BEADS

December 8, 2009

BLUE BEADS

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

The blue beads tumbled to the floor.
The steaming corpse rolled over on the cool steel gurney.
Good friends will betray you, at the drop of a hat.
Pink plush curtains hang around,
Bored out of their skull.

The poetess talks about sex a lot.
Perhaps, like many attractive people,
She doesn’t really get enough.

I picked up the silver beads,
But they scurried, once again, to the parquet floor.
I must say, I’m really tired of it all.

Is death a pleasant place?
Are there rules and regulations?
Do they speak English, in the Afterlife?
Do they even speak at all?
Can you get an erection?
Do you have a body, as we know it?
I’ve heard you’re just a beam of light.
Don’t forget your sunglasses.

Is there coffee?
I hope you don’t have to audition, endlessly,
When you cross over to the other side.
Do you think there might be acres and acres of fresh amethyst,
Sparkling in the blinding light?
Do people criticize your poetry,
When you pass over?

I fell down into the hole.
Or was I pushed?
It’s not a pleasant place to be.
I’m sure you know that, already.

The feeling of smooth, satin, hairless skin,
On your fingertips,
Is glorious to the touch.
My tongue caresses the curve of your buttocks.
My hand strokes your face.
Jimmy Stewart sometimes bugs my ass.
I fell headfirst into the downward spiral.
She wanted cocaine burning up her nose
And a glass of hot Scotch chugging down her gullet.

The blue beads cascaded to the floor.
The perfect necklace came apart.
He wanted good health and warm weather,
And enough sex to satisfy his desires.

Is there music after death?
The blazing sound of a jazz saxophone?
Top 40 hits of the macabre,
With ghouls and ghosties and creepy-crawlies?

There probably is no copulation,
For there’s no need to propagate the species.
I’ll try to forgive some of the people who betrayed me.
After all, they’re fucking crazy.

What happened to all those beads?
Silver and blue, silver and blue.

No, the glass is half full.
Stop thinking of yourself as a victim.
It’s not very glamorous.
The crazies have always been drawn to me.

I’ll pick up the beads and continue.
Make a new necklace and brew some Caf-Lib coffee substitute.
Roll over, sweetheart, it’s time to play.
You know, I really am crazy about you.

Things I don't get this week...

There are things that I'm just not quite understanding right now, perhaps you'd like to help me to figure 'em out.

#1 - Why does the TTC feel the need for more staff?
They've announced that a 2 week project to get more people onto the subway at Yonge has been a success and will become permanent.  They cited more riders getting on. 

Didn't they just do a fare increase, where they stated that with every fare increase they lose customers?  Now they're using/wasting staff to stand there and direct traffic? 

A fare increase is being used to cover services they can't already afford and now they're introducing new (stupid) services. 

I don't get it

#2 - There's another bathroom, so use it.

I took the LSATs this weekend and at break, there was a mad dash for the bathrooms.  I got in first and was thankful.  I walked around a  bit and spotted bathrooms across the hall.  I went back and told a group of girls standing 10 deep in line and they just smile and nodded.

The break is only 15 minutes, there was 5 minutes left.  Why would you continue to stand in line and not go shit/piss elsewhere?  Why stick with what ain't working instead of trying something new?

I don't get it...again.

#3 - I already have a sense that Tiger Woods is going to get off (haha) for having a slew of whores.

I guess I can kinda get this.  Tiger Woods makes a lot of people a shit ton of money.  People are extremely invested in him.  In fact, I'd say that the entire golf industry is reliant upon Tiger continuing in the sport.

But where's the fucking Christian Right?  Like why will they spend way too much money on ads against a group of good loving folks wanting to get married and not launch a campaign against Tiger.

When nude pics are released, sexual voice mails, etc, they ain't doing anything and yet Lambert humps a guy's face and they send in 1500 complaints!!!

Plus, I just don't get Tiger Woods.  Kid has everything going for him, so why not just divorce your wife and be a big ol' whore???  Hook up with Lindsay Lohan, destroy your fortune, etc.  Or better yet, be smarter about what you're doing.  Don't send texts, leave voicemails and don't send cock pics on your cell.

I seriously don't get it.

Gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I have had a really gay week.
Between Adam Lambert, the NY State Senate's rejection of gay marriage, Sky Gilbert's article in the Globe and DV8's To Be Straight With You, I have had the chance to explore various different view points and examples of...gayness.

And so.
Let me begin with...
I don't like Adam Lambert.
His only performance I ever enjoyed was from when he was on American Idol, his rendition of "Ring of Fire" by that country dude. And then he had that KD Lang impersonation and I was over him.

I find him to be over the top in a really annoying way. His CD cover made me want to vomit unicorns, and I don't care if it's a throwback to the "glam" age of whatever: it looks ridiculous. And yes, the world loves photoshop, but did you really need to throw yourself in a vat of photoshop, swim around with your face down for five hours and then have your ex beat you with a photoshop stick until you had the perfect 7-year old chin?

Ranting aside, I did however, like what he did at the AMA's. I really respected how he defended his actions after it all...that is, until he admitted that perhaps he did go "a little too far" on Ellen.

Good job, homo. It's one thing to be make a valid statement about the double-standards of conservative dumb asses, but it's a totally other thing to backtrack and admit defeat. I'm slightly disappointed, because Mr. Adam Lambert wouldn't have lost much at all once everything died down--so why is he acting like he suddenly did something wrong?

Now for something right:



I'm upset that it got turned down. But hey--at least we now have a few more awesome allies in the States. Another day, another chance to make history.

And now, onto Mr. Sky Gilbert.

I admire his work. I admire what he's done for the Toronto gay community. But for him to make this huge kerfuffle about how gays are no more, sort of irritates me. If you really do think this, shouldn't your job, as a gay activist and artist, be to educate and challenge the complacency of Queers who believe that "homophobia is no more so we can now all be like them breeders?"

Though, perhaps I'm looking at this all wrong. Maybe his article was written to incite a response from the gay youth of today. Maybe he's trying to get us to fight, instead of sitting idly by while Church street struggles and gays are still getting beat up and killed all over the world. Maybe Mr. Gilbert knows exactly what he's doing. Maybe.

And this of course leads me to my last subject: DV8's "To Be Straight With You."

This is one eye opener of a show. Using sound-bytes from interviews that DV8 Artistic Director Lloyd Newson had with various Middle-Eastern and South-Asian individuals, he has constructed a show that uses dance to convey and embody the struggles of these interviewees. Primarily, this show deals with homosexuality and certain eastern religions, as well as Dancehall music (featuring artists such as Buju Banton, who loves to talk about setting gays on fire in his music) and the need to...dance.

These performers are spectacular. Their precision and trust in one another and with their amazing set is just... amazing to watch. I am constantly becoming more aware than ever about the powers of live theatre and its ability to change the world and make you feel so much in such a short amount of time.

Go see it.
It's only on for two more days.

Do you like to self medicate?

No? Because I do.

At the first sign of a cough, a sneeze, a hot head, achy bones, an untimely erection or a slight dizzy spell, I head strait to Shoppers Drug Mart. Why? Because I'm a consumer. I love Shoppers. It's like the Wal-Mart for really, really, vain people. I can walk in and walk out with $100 worth of crap I don't really need, but I will use it all and pretend like it does what it's supposed to do.

Most recently though, I realized that I was starting to get a runny nose. Than I got an itch in my throat, and not from a bunch of spermies that may have gotten stuck after my mid-afternoon snack, but rather it was the tickle of an oncoming bacterial infection, designed to stop any and all cock-sucking habits (because let's face it, since NPH and I, Kaila W. Montanna, split, its all I can do to stop from popping fourteen Valium's and saying goodbye to this God forsaken world). And so with a sick sort of excitement, I went to Shoppers, stocked up on COLD-fX, Neo-Citron, Ricola lozenges and Robitussin! (Also known as my Winter Party Mix)

Tomorrow, I will go out to school prepared to battle the bacteria in my body. I will be amped with a super-immune system, reinforced by a questionable new pill, several Halls-Vitmain C tablets and lots and lots of orange juice!

So, what do you guys do at the first sign of a cold, or a flu, or a nympho episode?

One Year of Let's Be Vain...

I never thought that I'd spend a year consistently working on a project, but we're celebrating one year of Let's Be Vain today.

Shortly before this passed December 1st, I had the idea that I wanted to write more.  But without self judgment.  I believe the greatest barrier for a writer is our own self criticism.  Write a page, review it, cross off half of it, review it, crumple it up and toss.  Or the computer version of sending it to your recycle bin and then emptying it.

The blog's purpose was a forum where individuals could write anything and everything.  Punctuation, grammar, etc. didn't matter.  What mattered was that they were writing.  If you write, you are a writer.  Simply as that.

Plus, our namesake ensures that people come expecting the lowest of the low.  If we beat that expectation, then it's our victory.  "Reaching new lows every day" is our tagline, but I don't believe it speaks to the quality of the writing.

The blog has had about 10 different contributors at various points.  Some have signed on and never contributed.  Some have quickly submitted one post and then faded away.  Some have consistently posted and others more infrequently.

When the blog first started, I think I went about 53 days consistently posting.  It was a struggle and admittedly, I'd write 4-5 in a creative burst and then post them on different days.  Out of about 280 posts in this last year, I have contributed 183 of them.

This blog has grown from 6 people viewing it on opening day to 354 at our highest point.  I've discovered that if you talk about Britney, Anderson Cooper, or anything porn related...it drives the traffic in.

This blog has been assisted by traffic sent from facebook, twitter, reddit, best gay blogs and through randomly searching keywords via google.

It has been a great year personally, creatively, and professionally for a jay stewart project.  We have branched into new areas successfully and continue to strive to open spaces for ALL individuals to express themselves creatively. If you'd like to join, all it takes is a quick contact.  These days, everyone is reachable.  Please take advantage of this fact.

Here are 5 of my random posts over this last year that gives you an idea that I like to write about everything...

Let's get into the X-mas spirit, with a Let's Be Vain rant.

 http://lets-be-vain.blogspot.com/2008/12/stop-lying-to-my-nephew-x-mas-is-for.html


By far, one of my fav. series on this blog was "Unrealistic Land."  Each week, I'd paint a picture of where my life would never go, but dreamt that it would.
http://lets-be-vain.blogspot.com/2009/01/unrealistic-land-wishes-for-2009.html-

There's quite a few postings about my stupidity on this site...this one has my favourite title.
http://lets-be-vain.blogspot.com/2009/01/maybe-im-stupid-spoiled-whore.html

Social commentary is always fun, this post is even more relevant today.  Chris Brown is making headlines for appearing on GMA on ABC, while they cancelled Adam Lambert.  It's okay to beat up girls, but not to simulate oral sex with another man.
http://lets-be-vain.blogspot.com/2009/02/its-cool-to-buy-illegal-guns-but-wrong.html

It's rare, but there are times, when I get serious.  This is by far my most honest piece.
http://lets-be-vain.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-trio-of-mentors.html

Thanks for being a part of Let's Be Vain's first year, it'll continue to be around for many more. :)

Pet Peeve: Your voice mail recording!

Here's a thought, why don't we all realize that everybody knows what the purpose of a voice mail is?  You don't have to instruct me to leave my name, number and reason for calling.  It's almost 2010, the voice mail system has been around for awhile.                                                                                                                                                      I cringe just a little, when I call up a friend and have to wait a few minutes to leave a freakin' message.  It used to be easy enough to press '#' and you could skip it.  Now depending on which service provider that they've chosen, pressing '#' will ask you for the password to access the voice mail.  Please do us all a favour and just say your name and 'leave me a message' or 'hey, what's up?' and be done with it.

When I first had my own voice mail, I was creative.  I would play the current song that I enjoyed and had you dancing it up like Ellen. 

For awhile, I did this, 'If you're a family member of Jay's or a friend, please leave a message, if not, you can go fuck yourself.'

I forgot that work may call and a new boss called and received that message.  She laughed hysterically and played it on speakerphone for others to hear.  Thankfully, she was cool about it.

From that experience though, I did 'If you're a family member of Jay's or a friend, please leave a message, if not, (insert Jay speaking in professional phone operator voice) we're sorry but this message has been censored by Bell Canada.'  The amount of people who thought it was for real made for much amusement on my part.

Finally, I've stuck for many years with the following, 'Hey you've reached me, so leave me a message.'  If you don't know who me is, they usually don't leave a msg.  It's a perfect system.  I've never had a telemarketer leave a msg or anything.

So for those who think that I need to hear your first and last name with a note about how to leave a message and that you'll get back to me as soon as you can....well you can go...We're sorry but this message has been censored by blogspot.com.                                              

Work It Out with Music

Continuing w/ the music theme of the week, let's talk work outs.  I, for one, could not work out unless I have music helping me in the background.  Music takes me away from the pain, boredom, and frustration of working out.  In between reps, I get to groove a little and this hypes up the routine.  Or if I'm going for a run on the treadmill, I lip sync along to the track to the amusement of those around.

I rejigged my workout playlist on my itunes tonight and here's the run down.  Links to some of the songs that you may not be as familiar with.

Hello Seattle - Owl City

Outta My Head - Leona Lewis

Spy - Shakira

Don't Stop Believin' - Glee Cast

Looking For A Good Time - Lady Antebellum

Wait Your Turn - Rihanna

Morning After Dark - Timbaland

Tik Tok - Ke$ha

Rock Wit U - Janet Jackson

Funhouse - P!nk

Touches You - Mika

3 - Britney Spears

Sweet Dreams - Beyonce

Now Generation - Black Eyed Peas

Fascination - Alphabeat

What songs are on your work out set list?

New Music Round-Up

Monday was a big day for new music. Susan Boyle's highly anticipated album came out. It's going to be the number one album next week but that's not enough to get me to buy it. Here's what I did buy...

Rihanna - Rated R, much darker than her previous stuff. I'm not a fan but Te Amo and Rude Boy are worth a download.

Lady Gaga - Fame Monster. It's thisclose to being an album (8 songs), totally worth the price. Gaga can do no wrong at this point. Best songs - Monster and Bad Romance. The video for Bad Romance is totally bitchin'.

Jay Sean - All or Nothing. This guy had a huge hit with Down (featuring everybody's BFF Lil Wayne). Most of the songs sound the same and there's nothing that stands out. Give this one a pass...but look at the album cover and bask in his hotness.

Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment is the biggest surprise for me. I didn't like him on American Idol but the lead single got me hooked and overall the album is a fun mix of pop-rock and dance. The title track, Aftermath, Whataya Want From Me and If I Had You are my faves.

Kris Allen, the actual winner of American Idol released a CD last week as well. The lead single Live Like We're Dying is catchy but the rest of the album is blands-ville.

What else is out there? Leona Lewis? John Mayer? Tell me what you think!

Stupid Customer Complaint #2:

Today, I had an encounter with a customer. I was thoroughly convinced, it would end with either me being slapped or me bitch slapping them.

I received a complaint today from a customer about children playing in the hall.  Yes, yes, I know...what a scary thought.  Children playing and not just sitting in front of a television screen mindlessly playing video games.

I informed the kids that they'd have to play outside as a customer had complained. I said that I was okay with it, but we have to respect everybody's wishes.

A few seconds later, a rather tall and large woman entered my office in a complete huff.  Demanding that I retract my statement that it's okay for children to play in the hall.  I stated that I wouldn't, but had respected her wish and the children were no longer playing in the hall.

She goes on about the safety of other patrons.  I told her that nobody else complained, so they don't have a problem with it.  She informed me that they don't know how to complain properly.  I told her that I had heard her complaint and dealt with it.

She decides to pursue it further and states that by me saying that it's okay, I have confused the individuals as English is clearly their second language.  I told her that I would no longer continue this line of conversation as I felt it was rude.  She said that I have no right to speak to her that way or anybody and that she knows people and how they act.  I asked how she knew that English was their second language and she said that she had observed them talking to one another.  I asked how English being a second language means they need further clarification about what I've said.  She had no response to that.

I told her that the issue had been dealt with and she starts yelling at me and how I don't know anything about customer service.  I informed her that her young son appears to be embarassed and that I had heard what she said, addressed it, and now wanted to get back to my work.  She yells 'You heard me. You heard me. Well then, if you heard me, I guess I'll be on my way.'

People are stupid.  Please don't be stupid like this woman!  This'd be Jay's tip of the day.

Let's Create A Club Night...

I did it.  I went queer clubbing in TO again for first time since the Winter.  For the most part, I spent the evening complaining (yes, big surprise!) and I've decided that it's time to assist club promoters. 

With that, let's create an amazing club night.  Here are a few of my rules...what are yours?

1) No one under 25 - I know, it's age-ist, but this is my club night and why not have a queer night for us oldies? ;)

2) No purses on your person in the club.  You're dancing and buying liquor.  All you need is a money clip, once you get into the bar.  Stuff it in your bra or shoes, if you have no pockets. 

3) Songs that are over 10 years old may only be played between 10:30-11:30pm.  It's early in the night, so you expect to hear bad music.

4) This leads to the next rule that really popular songs may be played twice with a 90 min. break in between.

5) The DJ must dance.  I've determined that DJs play shitty music, because they don't dance.  There's no way you can play 'American Boy', if you dance.  This song is not dance-able.

6) Candy!!!  Can you imagine??  Seriously, I think more candy should be sold at a club. 

7) If you're buying 2 drinks, then no cover.  Purchase your drink tickets at the door and you slide by.  If you're playing it sober, $5.  If people are going to pay for your over priced booze, why not reward them with free entrance?

8) Line-ups only when the club is at capacity.  Making people stand outside when the bar is empty is pure bullshit.  Line-ups make people go somewhere else, it doesn't develop interest. 'Oh there's a 20 min. line-up, this place must be hot..we should totally line-up.'  Nope, they just walk elsewhere or go home.  Seriously.

9) Be personable and responsible.  If I'm running a club night, I'm going to be there. I'm going to interact with customers. I'm going to see how my night is doing.  If after 10 years of doing the same thing on the same evening with the same DJ and the same performer, I'm not seeing the place as packed as it used to be...I'm going to change things up.  I'm not going to do a cover charge increase to make up the difference.

10) Have fun.  Let's have odd theme nights.  Random prizes.  Spotlight dances. Show vintage Simpsons on screens throughout.

What are some things that you'd love to see in a club night?

Mmm...pub food!

Mmmmm....pub food!  I had probably my most favourite pub meal ever this week.  It was at Old Nick's on the Danforth close to Broadview.  I was meeting up with a bud prior to seeing Toxic Avenger: The Musical (hilarious!).  We were wondering around and decided to check this place out as it had a rainbow flag sticker and appeared to have actual customers dining in it.

I was looking through the menu deciding on my usual hamburger combo (swiss & mushrooms is my usual go to), when I saw what could only have been created in heaven.  Wings, Rings, & Fingers.  Oh yes! You get onion rings, 5 wings, and chicken fingers with celery and carrots.  Could life get any better?  What a magnificent combo of all things awesome in the world.  Plus, they weren't small portions.  5 good sized wings, 3 ample sized fingers and a ton of onion rings.  All washed down with a pint of Keith's.

In conclusion, I will def. go out of my way to frequent this place again.  What's some pub food that you just can't get enough of?

Mess with Glee. Face Jay!

I'm torn between two places.  Supporting my love of 'Glee' and not being hated on by my fellow disabled performers.  A recent article is knocking Glee for not hiring a disabled actor to play Artie, who happens to be in a wheelchair. 

For me, this is well played by the organization behind this stunt.  It's a hit show that is featuring an episode all about the disabled Glee member.  Instead of cheering on this fact, they know that controversy get much more press.  So they knock down the most diverse show on network television.  Plus, they do all this without even viewing the episode.

This episode features 2 down syndrome characters played by what appears to be 2 down syndrome actors.  Where's the love for doing that?  Where's the love for having all the actors appear for the majority of the show in wheelchairs, while learning life lessons?  They lament about it being harder, they talk about being different, they raise money for a wheelchair bus.  They opt to install wheelchair ramps instead throughout the school to ensure that current and future students will be able to access the auditorium.  Thus, highlighting the issues of schools not being fully accessible.

If they had found a perfect wheelchair bound actor to play Artie, I'm sure they would've cast him.  The fact is that they didn't.  Maybe that's what the issue should be focused on.  How many agents have such talent on their roster?  How many casting agents bring in such actors?  Plus, this wasn't just looking for an actor in a wheelchair, they have to be able to sing too.  If this organization put some effort into these issues first and foremost, then I'd cheer them on.

For now, I'm cheering like a Gleek should for a show that is as amazing as Glee is. :)

You were your best.

Genius is never liked in its own time.

And it's official: Dollhouse has been cancelled.

A sad day indeed for Dollhouse fans all around. I am personally more upset about the lost potential of such a wonderful show, but at the same time, I'm not surprised. After the treatment FOX gave to Joss Whedon's Firefly, I expected a short run for the Friday night outcast.

Dollhouse played with many interesting ideas, most of them philosophical and metaphysical. The show centered on an underground organization, funded by a private pharmaceutical company named Rossum Corp, called The Dollhouse. The Dollhouse rents out "actives," volunteers who have had their personalities completely erased, to any person who has the money to pay for anyone their fantasy desires. From a sadistic serial killer to a physiologically new birth mom, there was no limit to the imagination of The Dollhouse.

It's always interesting to follow a show from beginning to end--you not only get to see the characters develop, but the actors as well. Eliza Dushku is not the strongest actor on television today, but as the show progressed you could see her gettin better, especially when she is faced with the challenge to play someone brand new every week. Despite Dushku's increasing awareness as an actor and as the main active Echo, Dollhouse showcased a wealth of supporting players and characters as well.

Notable mentions go out to Enver Gjokaj and Dichen Lachman who play actives Victor and Sierra and Olivia Williams who plays the British Dollhouse boss-woman Adelle Dewitt. Watching them on screen is like watching Christmas happen, over and over again.

There are 9 episodes left in the season.
Summer Glau (ANGEL, Firefly, Sarah Connor Chronicles) and Alexis Denisof (Buffy, ANGEL) are set to guest star.

I'm even more excited now that I know Dollhouse has officially been canceled, because if I know Joss Whedon, I can be sure that he's going to out with a bang.

Dollhouse, you were your best.

Now rot in genius-DVD purgatory.

I'm sorry, this is a date?

"You probably killed your mother with those hands. And those flowers are probably fresh from her funeral."





At the ripe old age of 22, I'll admit that I've only just begun to date. And for those of you who know me well, I mean that I've only just begun to realize that these "dinners" and "hang out sessions" are actual dates, and not just people getting together to eat and walk along romantic streets and enjoy fun times at the theatre.

So in honor of this new revelation, I've decided to recount my early dating experiences for you all to read about and laugh at. Enjoy the density that is my mind.

Date Number One: Fall of 2005

This dude messaged me on facebook out of nowhere. Apparently, I had met him while running into my friend Trish on campus. Thinking I was cute, he asked me to hang out sometime...and so we did. At my house. We both found common ground on X-men and proceeded to discuss the joys of Wolverine, the hotness of Ice-Man and the greatness that is The Phoenix. In the darkness of my basement while we watched some film (probably X-men) he kissed me. It was gross. He was sort of gross, not my type, emo and just plain weird, and it felt like as if I was kissing the lips of a dead duck. Cold, and wet, and did I mention gross? After refusing to do it again and telling him that he's just a "friend," he curled up on my couch in the fetal position and proceeded to tell me how "no one ever likes me." Fun, eh?

Date Number Two: Summer of 2006

"Hey, let's grab dinner sometime."

To most normal people, when asked by a relatively cute stranger (or acquaintance), the first thing that would pop into your mind is "DATE." To me, I just thought of it is as food with some dude at around 7 pm. So what do I do? I head over to this guy's place right after work, still wearing my name tag, cargo shorts and a gross t-shirt. He walks out of his house freshly showered in a form fitting polo and jeans that make his ass look like a work of art. He ends up taking me to Terroni's on Queen where we are seated in the back patio underneath a tent with Christmas lights all a-twinkle, and he orders us wine. I didn't drink back then. So of course, I'm a little tips and it's not until he feeds me a piece of his pizza that I realize that this is a date. And so after a slightly romantic walk up Palmerston back to his place, I decid to make out with him to remove a little bit of my guilt. Sadly, in retrospect on the drive home I realize that he's not my type and I make some lame excuse at the end of our second date not to see him again.



Date Number Three: Winter of 2007

Now this, this is the first time where I actually acknowledge that I am actually indeed, going on a date. Another online contact off of faceparty.com, our first meet'n'greet was on campus where we decided to just grab a coffee. After forty-five minutes of thinking "whoa, you're a little extra," I decide to go ahead and go on a second date because really, how can you possibly know whether or not you like a guy after only spending less than an hour with him? And so what unfolds is the lesson of a lifetime: When you don't feel it, you don't feel it. Don't fake it to try and make yourself "see the person within" because it just won't happen. I didn't realize this until we ordered our dinner, after he picked me up, after he drove all the way across the God damn GTA because he's a complete gentleman. Once again with the guilt, I invite him back to my place where we watch a movie and I let him hold my hand. Sigh. I'm a jerk, I know. So over msn, I tell him that I have issues (which was true--I had issues back then) and that I really shouldn't see anyone.

After a two year hiatus, I am back in the saddle. A relatively fresh saddle, to be honest, but hopefully in time I'll be able to weather the leather and date like a pro.

So how about you readers out there? Any embarrassing or weird date stories?

Songs that I'd dance to at a club...

I haven't been clubbing since probably March of this year.  After so many terrible times, I've just lost all interest.  But if I were to go, I'd like to to hear the following 5 songs and then leave.

Miley Cyrus PARTY IN THE USA Video
Uploaded by tvguide. - Check out other Film & TV videos.

Oh yes, Miley Cyrus.  Usually, I'd cut a bitch, if I heard her in a club.  'I'm just being Miley...fuck you!'  But this is the kind of song that I could start the night off with.  No one's on the dance floor, you drag your friends to join you.  You nod your head and move your hips like yah.  It's a perfect way to start the night and then do a couple of shots at the bar to redeem yourself.

Beyonce - Sweet Dreams (Official Video) HQ
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

While the alcohol settles in, it's time for a little Beyonce.  This song is great, esp. if you're with a tempting ex.  Cuz it's all about being a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare...  When you're out clubbing, you've no clue about the randoms that you're encountering.  Will they be the one?  Will they bottom?  Do they have any diseases?  Will this be a nite to remember or just another roll in the sack?

Ke$ha - Tik Tok
Uploaded by RMG-UK. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

As Beyonce ends, I quickly head to the bar for a jack and coke.  Why?  Cuz this Kesha gal brushes her teeth with it.  It's another stupid song that you can jump up and down to and dance like a fool.  Oh oh oh ohhhh oh oh oh ohhhhhh.  This is a great "bump n grind and make out real dirty to" song.  Cop a feel, pinch an ass and just say that you're being a 'bad ass' like Miss Kesha.  Tic tok...the night is slowly coming to an end.

Pink - Funhouse (HQ)
Uploaded by Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv. - See the latest featured music videos.

Pink is always good for some more silly dancing.  This is a song for those that have been through a break up (aka ALL OF US!!).  You get to dance with your girlies and pretend that it's all going to be okay.  Who needs a lover, when you can just torch that shit.  I kinda wanna do some body shots to this song.

Britney Spears - 3 (New)
Uploaded by Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

You all knew it was going to end with this.  Grab 2 ppl and get real damn nasty on that dance floor.  I wanna see cocks out, tits exposed, and a lot of drunken messy kissing.  This better lead to walking to the front of the coat check line to get your shit, threesome sex in the cab, and then a night that you never quite remember, but always brag about.

What songs do you want to dance to in public?

I am a tv junkie!!!

I am a tv junkie.  I thought that I had kicked my previous 8 hour a day habit, but it's coming back with a vengeance.

This last week, I took a break from socializing and msn to focus on studies and of course, had to fill my reward breaks (yes, I reward myself) with something.  I turned to television and my old obsession is hooking me again.

Here's a rundown of all the shows that I'm watching and have on hold to watch.

New shows:
The Middle - never watched Patricia Heaton in that Raymond show, but I really enjoy this show.  It's like Malcolm in the Middle, but with an adult at the centre of things.

Modern Family - by far one of the funniest shows to be on the air in forever.  3 diff. families, each one hilarious.  There's a stereotypical gay family, but they've got a korean adopted baby...so hilarious.

Cougar Family - it has that Scrubs humour - which means that it's fast paced and witty.  Everyone is starting to become a bit over the top, but it's still a fun half hour.

Glee - The songs and Jane Lynch definitely make up for sometimes lame pacing and a really stupid wife pregnancy story.  

Old shows:
30 Rock - The season premiere and gay halloween were great.  This is another show that it's about the quick wit.

Parks & Recreation - This one has improved immensely.  Plus, I've spent a lot of time in Recreation, so I can laugh when they hate the library, cuz we do. :)

Big Bang Theory - consistently one of the funniest shows out there.  I laugh out loud so much and it's pretty much the same thing each and every week.

Curb Your Enthusiasm - I kinda skipped this the last 2 seasons after watching the first few seasons.  This season, it's found itself again.  Having the Seinfeld folks back has given it a nice resurgence.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - I love the stupidity of this show.  Charlie is always such a dumb ass.  Mac is always such a hottie.  I don't even like to drink, but I love the crazy that comes with this show.  Bird law...enough said.

Catching up on:
Weeds - I'm watching this with a bud and we're halfway through the last season.  It's hard to see where they can go with it.  We started off years ago with Nancy selling weed to a few customers.  Now she's with a Mexican mafia guy/Mayor.  It's still consistently funny.  Plus Silas is hot.  We need to bring back last year's Silas nudity. :)

Brothers & Sisters - I watched the first season in about a week back in March.  I just caught the first 3 episodes of the second season tonight.  It is such a great show.  Especially if you have an over involved Mom and siblings.  I can relate to so much in the show.

House - I will always love this show.  House and I are pretty damn similar.  Both suffer daily in pain and like to be grouchy.  Sadly, he's the only one with the drug habit.  I've been watching this one over the last 2 months.  It's kinda the same old, same old.  I miss the early days of Chase, Cameron and Foreman.  I know they thought changing it up would be good, but I just don't like the new recruits at all.

Damages - This is by far the greatest thriller on television.  It is beyond the creepiest, most intense show.  Glenn Close is genius.  The writing is amazing.  The first season was so good.  This season was better at the start than at the end, but is still great.  I could never imagine watching it live.  Having to wait each week for a new episode would be soooo irritating.  I think I went through the whole 13 episodes in about 3 days.

Awaiting me:
The Riches - season 1 and season 2.  I made it through about the first 7 episodes of season 1.  Minnie Driver was simply amazing.

Big Love - I've had the second season downloaded forever.  But it's hard to find time for a full hour long show.

Dexter - I've missed all the seasons, but I love the main actor.  Some day, I will find time to watch it all.

The Office - I just can't get into this season yet.  I have class every Thursday, so it's hard to catch up.

Sons of Anarchy - I watched the first 4 episodes of this show and was hooked.  Then I neglected to continue.  It's now already onto season 2.  It's got Katey Segal and she's amazing.  It's got Charlie Hunnam and he's all grown up and not getting his ass licked, but still doing great.

And now you all officially know what a super tv geek that I am. :)  But seriously, tv is finally back after so many years of utter crap and me having no interest in anything.

"Good Until Further Notice"

In my pursuit of entertaining my own random thoughts, I would like to write about relationships today and why we just fucking get ourselves into it, when we all know that it has an expiration date, a "good until further notice" end? It might be because, to borrow Freud's term, it gives us a sort of "oceanic feeling"...but does it really? Do relationships really bring us happiness, or do they bring us problems, more than what we had to begin with? I would like to argue that it is the latter that happens, rather than the former. I am going to prove this by adopting some points in Laura Kipnis' book Against Love: A Polemic.

The one thing that struck me about this book is when she says, "falling in love means committing to commitment [itself]" (p.57). This essentially means that we're not only committing ourselves to the other person(s) but also, we need to commit on a number of emotional baggage, which is harder (as most of you would know) than it seems. Committing to commitment means that we are also constantly anxious about the possible end of the relationship and the fear of pain and suffering that will eventually follow that end. "Good until further notice" is the dictum of every relationship (at least for us post-modernists who think that "'till death do us part"
is now part of an archaic past): that it always has an inevitable end, which is either planned or unplanned; but essentially, we all have a claim to a right to exit when the relationship no longer works for us. Therefore, why do have to go through this whole committing to someone and committing to commitment phase if we know in the back of our minds that it will eventually end anyways? Can't we just have fun sans the commitment part? On that note, maybe I'll just stick to Spam since it's good until the end of the world...I could always eat it anytime I want. I'm Filipino afterall :P (if you're wondering what's the connection between Spam and being Filipino, see: SPAM and Fast-food "Glocalization" in the Philippines by Ty Matejowsky...or just ask one of your Filipino friends LOL!)

Stupid Customer Complaints...

Working in customer service can really suck ass and lately, I find myself getting more and more frustrated.  Mostly, because I keep getting stupider and stupider customer complaints.

I've only found one site that boasts this kind of stuff at notalwaysright.com.  But I'm seriously considering starting a new blog that strictly focuses on the dumbest of all complaints.

Here's a few from recently that I think qualify:

1) I want to speak to head office.  Every time, I speak to you, you're smiling.

Reply:  Here's the number (said with a big smile).

2) How am I to know who's the staff and who's the participants, if everybody is dressed up for the theme day?  The staff should always wear their staff shirts.


Reply: The participants are the one's that look like their under the age of 8 and probably under 4" tall.  The staff would be those over 16 and usually 5" and up.

3) I'm calling to complain that the staff play too much with the participants.

Reply: If I grant your request, I'd have 59 parents calling to say that the staff don't play enough.

Anybody else work in the customer service industry or used to and have some really stupid complaints?

FB = FML?

I think I'm on facebook too much. I probably check it 5-10 times a day during the week. Mostly to see what my friends are doing, check out links and creep on pictures (everyone does this, don't lie). That's what facebook is about. There alot of great things FB does that make my life easier. Yesterday my good friend got engaged after dating her guy for a VERY long time. She called her mom, then updated her status. How easy was that? One status update and everyone knows. That's the good stuff.

The bad stuff. In that same FB session I found out some other information I probably didn't need to see. I was going through Halloween pictures and saw my ex and his new guy in matching sailor costumes. Now, I already sort of knew about his new guy but I didn't really need to see them making out in their super gay matching costumes. As I don't particularly enjoy my stalker tendencies when they come out, I stopped myself from looking any further.

Do I need to check FB multiple times every day, is my life REALLY better for having FB in my life? Am I the only one having this issue?

PS - Would you ever wear a matching sailor costume with your new boyfriend?

(Answer - Hell no.)