TV Overload!

It's new TV season and my PVR has been working overtime. I've been recording anything remotely interesting and have been squeezing in a show or two before bed each night. Luckily (or unluckily if you are my roommate), I've had a nasty cold for the past week so I've had more down time than usual. Here's my guide to fall TV.

Melrose Place - I never watched the original so I can't compare. But this has got to be the campiest piece of crap on the air. I love it. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz-Arquette (or whatever) is the worst actress I've ever seen on a major show. As for plot, there's something about a murder, high class hookers, career climbing PR girls, and lots of inexplicably shirtless men. My grade: A- (even better while drinking)

America's Next Top Model - Mentally ill Tyra Banks again hosts this season. Only girls 5'7" or under are allowed. This show is getting further removed from reality and the modelling world as it goes on. It's business as usual with bitchiness, unrealistic photo shoots and ridiculous outfits. My grade: D+ (only for hard core fans)

Glee - I just watched the first three episodes yesterday and I have to say I'm mildly impressed. It's like High School Musical on acid. The hour long format drags a little, but I think I may become a regular viewer. My grade: B

Cougar Town - Courtenay Cox stars as...you guessed it a cougar Mom raising her son. The pilot had some funny moments and it's far better than any of those fat dad/hot mom/wacky kid sitcoms. Not sure if this has staying power. My grade: C+ (needs a really good second episode)

Being Erica - A CBC comedy/fantasy/drama set in Toronto. Erica has a list of regrets and her mysterious therapist lets her go back and relive them. I was a big fan of this show last year and this year it's gotten even better. The first season is out on DVD if you need to catch up, but they do a good job of summarizing 12 episodes in the first 2 minutes of the new season. My grade: A

The Cleveland Show - I love Family Guy and American Dad so you'd think this show would be one my faves. Not so much. There are a few funny moments - Cleveland's new neighbors are randomly a family of bears (like the ones in the forest, not the Black Eagle). But the jokes are flat and the characters not funny. I will give it a few more episodes but it needs to get funny, FAST. My grade: C-

Can't wait for the new 30 Rock, which starts October 15th. What shows are you watching this season? Tru Blood, Mad Men, Dexter...so many to choose from.

Hey Roman. Rape = Jail!

(The following is an open letter to Roman Polanski.)

Dear Roman,

First off, I apologize if you think that I should refer to as Mr. Polanski.  But I save such respect for those that deserve it.  As I think of you as scum, I will refer to you as Roman.  Not even Ro, as that would mean that we were on good enough terms to get to nickname status.  I won't even call you Supreme Douche as I refer to you in private.  Let's keep it cordial at Roman.  You may refer to me as, Awesome.

I have been reading in the news about your recent detainment.  It must be hard for you.  You probably thought the only place that you weren't safe was the US.  Surprise!  After all these years, they finally caught you.

I recall the Hollywood uproar a few short years ago, when you couldn't pick up your Oscar in person.  What a pity.  But you know, that was your choice.  You could've come home, picked up your Oscar and then been rightfully detained.

You see Roman, *coughs* Supreme Douche *coughs, the math is pretty simple.  When you have sex with a 13 year old girl that makes you a pedofile.   Pedofiles go to jail in the US and many other places around the world with appropriate child protection laws.

You seem to think that being an artist means that you're above the law.  That's dumb.  You were smart and disappeared out of the spotlight.  I guess Michael Jackson could've learned a lesson from you.  Disappear, do a few projects here and there, and you can get away with it.  But you see there's a vast difference between you and MJ.  MJ never admitted guilt.  Nor was he probably ever dickin' those boys.

Only someone who is truly corrupt would admit guilt and then run off like a scared little boy who got caught with his pants down.  I fear that because you got away with it once that you have continued your sexual escapades with children.  Yet, you probably learned from your previous mistakes and have found better ways to get away with it.

I think you should fly to the US, face your sentence (let's face it, it'll be minimal), and then move on with your life.  I'll even reduce your secret name to Minor Douche, if you do.

Sincerely,
Jay

My Babycakes!

Hey all, it's Kaila W. Montanna!

Back again to show you all that my Babycakes invades more than just my oriental slopes...

Enjoy Dr. Horrible's Emmy hijack over and over and over again...




Love,

Kaila!

UPDATE on "Neil & Kai's Adventure's In Love"

Hey all you LetsBeVainers!

Just in case you missed out, I thought I'd show you all my boyfriend's amazingly genius opening number.



Isn't he just the most adorable thing you've ever seen? Wonderful voice, sexy stare and a lung capacity that puts Whitney to shame! (I'm prepared for the backlash for THAT comment, so bring it on, bitches!)

I love him. I really, really do love him, even though he didn't win. But it's okay, because when we're together, he's always the winner :)

My boyfriend, Neil.

Hey LetsBeVainers!
Kaila W. Montanna here with a very special edition of "Neil & Kai's Adventures in Love," because it's the first!

Now I am not sure if you are all aware, but if not, I would like to set the record straight and say yes, it is true: I am dating Neil Patrick Harris.

I was just as surprised as all of you when he announced publicly at the Emmy's that we are indeed dating, and David Burka is of course a wonderful and sweet man--but lets face it, no one can bottom better than I.

Neil courted me for months after we met at Ellen's 50th some time ago, but after my horrible heart break with Wentworth, I just couldn't bring myself to date another prime-time actor. But Neil just wouldn't give up. And so, after a short relapse into stupidity this past summer at trying to find a normal love life, I've come to my senses and am now extremely happy with my lover Neil. We will be celebrating our first month this next Thursday :).

My Babycakes flies up once a week to see me while I'm in school and he's filming, but we're planning on a small getaway during my reading week. He is taking me back to Paris :) I really do love him. So very much. I mean, what is there not to love about Neil? He's ironic (which is something we all try so hard to be, especially you hipsters), athletic, adorable, and a perfect 7 inches of multiple orgasm. And that over-sized forehead? I could not imagine kissing anything else while he pounds me into oblivion during some old fashioned missionary fun.

I tear up a little every time he makes a joke while he hosts. Isn't he just adorable? I am so glad that Ellen brought us together and so proud that he is hosting the Emmy's.

My little Neil.
My Neil Patrick Harris.

So please, I encourage all readers of Let's Be Vain to support my baby Neil! Watch "Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog", watch "How I Met Your Mother", and buy the "Doogie Howser MD" box sets at your local Wal-mart!

Stay tuned for more updates on "Neil & Kai's Adventure's in LOVE!"

I really don't like in-class courses!

I'm part of this new wave of students that complete their studies through distance courses.

Why?  Because it's awesome.  You can do it at times that are convenient for you.  You're not forced to drive all the way to class, pay for parking, get there and only spend 1.5 hours of a 3 hour class.  Or sometimes, you can show up and there's no class at all.  It's been cancelled.

I definitely prefer distance as it convenient for MY schedule, not the schedule of the professor.

Last night, I had to attend only my 2nd university in-class course out of the 19 that I've completed.  It quickly reminded me that although, I may think that the subject is very interesting, I quickly lose all that interest when having to sit in a class room.

The prof was a joke.  If you show up late for the first class and don't apologize or reference why.  You've lost my respect.  I don't want a hand out, I want you to post it online.  I can keep it on there.  Plus, aren't we all trying to be a little more green?  Also, bitching out security for not turning off an alarm in front of us all impresses nobody.

Anybody who teaches a con ed course that is an elective and insists on being referred to as Dr. So & So is a dumbass in jay's book.  You got your Ph. D, I applaud that, but you're a person and we're all adults.  I will refer to you as So & So.

Tell me about your academic background and how it applies to the course.  That you're a life healer on the side and work with famous athletes, famous journalists and others in the entertainment world is of no interest to me.  Perhaps, you're trying to impress the kids of today who think Paris Hilton and Speidi are a-m-a-z-i-n-g, but not for me.

Your e-mail addresses is a personal one and not a university one???  What?? what? what???  Oh and it advertises your own home business???  Not cool. Plus, I check out the website and it hasn't been updated in months and is really just a blog and some 'Ask Dr. So & So's' from over a year ago.  Use your university provided e-mail address, forward them to your personal e-mail addy - if you must.  Plus, I don't believe that you receive 400-500 e-mails a day (not including spam) and only respond to subject lines that you have self approved.  You're a consultant, you read each and every e-mail.  Otherwise, you either get little business or you're a shitty business person.


Finally, we did nothing in class.  I have one page of notes that consists mostly of squigglys.  No discussion on how future classes will run.  The majority of the class was taken up with a student rep. interrupting for 15 minutes, in-class group presentations sign-up for 25, and hearing stories about the prof's ex boyfriend. 
 
Pros to distance course.  Do it on your time, only read discussion postings of those that you want to, and you have access to all the lecture notes 24/7.

10 Ways of Looking at Me

I
She walks around him with an open flame,
Hoping to light what hides beneath;
But he saves it for he who has no heat.

II
Between the whites and the pinks and the browns and the mochas,
There is yellow.

III
I wake, and he rubs his eyes.
A glimmer beneath the sheet,
Pulled over his mouth,
Smiles in our eyes and I see me.

IV
He fills in the negative, the dark, and the black,
with limbs in free-motion...
Colliding into bodies that do not find it humerus.

V
He asks for:
General Tsao.
Kung Pow.
Sorry sir, your flavour of the week is closed.
Cleared up shop, gone on home.

VI
I fly through the streets,
Words and notes streaming out of car windows,
Pulled down to let the wind in,
The friend of the free.

VII
My hair glistens beneath the streetlight,
Freezing beneath zero.
Catching up with my heart.

VIII
My words are kept,
Locked up in paper thin lead, unruffled.
A legacy of a boy who leaves no prints,
only shadows.

IX
I sleep through sunsets,
Waiting for sunrise to be cleaned.

X
The flame that never touched,
The flame that never sparked.
One was, one never to be.
I hope, for heat.

My Trio of Mentors

Thus far in my life, I have had a trio of incredible mentors that have helped shaped me both professionally and personally.

All of them share similar qualities, but are also each very unique in their own way. 

My very first mentor has definitely been my Mom.  I wouldn't dare to call her Mother, as she hates this term.  Mom or Mommy, it is.   My Mom is probably the most generous individual that you will ever meet.  I have no idea how she finds the energy to get through each day.  She spends 12-16 hours a day working, raised a family of 3 children, supports friends, cares for my nephew and takes care of my ailing grandma and step grandfather. 

I'm trying to think of the last time that she's ever had a complaint about all that she does.  I can't.  My Mom's selflessness and workaholic spirit is something that I try my best to emulate.  When people think that I do a lot by working full time, going to school full time, doing the art projects, it doesn't really seem that much to me.  My Mom would work all day, come home and take her kids to dance lessons, swimming lessons, drama class, sport practices/games, and then return home to work until the early morning.  My Mom has also taught me the importance of family.  While you may not always like those that you're related to, you do have to love them.  We are also there to support one another, even if we don't always agree with the decision being made. 

In my mid teens, I came across my next mentor while working at summer camp.  She has remained My Boss ever since and we have a decade long working relationship that continues to get stronger each year.  She has literally seen me go from a quiet shy teenager to whomever you perceive me to be today.  She taught me that once you find your passion to pursue it full throttle.  She wakes up every day thrilled to go to work and has encouraged me to do the same.  Once, I lose the passion, it's time to move on and out. 

The way that I deal with customers is thanks to her.  We deal with a lot of complaints every day and she taught me long ago a very valuable lesson. You have two choices: laugh about it or let it bring you down.  We choose to laugh.  She has taught me that you need to be flexible to get through life.  You can plan, re-plan, have back up plans, but sometimes shit just happens.  You either deal with it or fall apart.  As you can see, My Boss likes to put things into simple categories of either see it positively or negatively. 

She believes very strongly in being yourself and shaping your job to fit this.  She has allowed me to alter my position, so that I'm still doing the core parts of the job, but have heavily expanded it to allow me to learn more, utilize my strengths and grow as a professional.  She has literally guided me and pushed me into doing things that I was very uncomfortable with, but that she knew that I would succeed at.

Finally, I have the Artist Mentor.  This individual I owe pretty much everything to who I am as an artist today.  We met 3 years ago as I happened to respond to a posting for a queer youth arts group.  Instantly, I connected well with her.  She is a positive supportive spirit, who allows you to develop as you please, but with a lot of input, feedback, and guidance towards the right direction.  What I really enjoy about her is that she is constantly challenging herself as an artist. 

Plus, she's an amazing facilitator.  It's a rare skill for somebody to be able to do both.  I remember first watching her perform after working on a group arts project and being like 'Awesome, she walks the talk.'  I had the opportunity to work closely with her on my first one person show.  That piece would never have been what it was without her continued guidance and support.  We never argued once, but I recall many great discussions around the pieces that were being created.  She will offer her advice, you're allowed to dialogue back, and then you go from there.  Since that experience, she's been a sounding board and consistent inspiration for the projects that I chose to work on and themes that I explore.  From her, I've learned that the greatest art that one can create has great truth to it. 

I have been extremely lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful individuals, these three are just the key mentors thus far.

How about you?  Who has helped you?

I love my calendar

I don't know about you, but I find someone with amazing time management / organization skills to be crazy sexy!!!

How does one manage it?  With a cute ass calendar.  If you can bust out a blackberry or show me your pocket calendar, we can have ourselves a good time. :)

Seriously, I'm not joking.  I love calendars.  I have 3.  My work one on outlook, my personal one with google calendar and a handy written one for when technology screws me over and doesn't work.

I used to be able to keep my busy life all in my head, but as I get older I have seriously lost that ability.

When you're juggling work, school, clients, art projects, friends, family - it's essential.  Plus, there's nothing more fun than looking at your day and seeing '9:00 - Breakfast with Sal, 11:00 - Meeting with producer, 1:00 - Hit Ryerson and bitch out admissions, 3:30 - Yoga session...'  Especially, when you're dating someone new and you can be like 'well I'll fit you in here or here or here.'

What drives me nuts is when somebody is like 'oh I'm really busy...you know super busy, I've got no time that day for you.'  You ask them for their schedule and it's like 'well dinner around 6pm.'  I'm sorry but that's not busy at all.  You have plenty of time to schedule in a shit load of stuff that day.

People wonder how I keep it all together...now you know.  It's called having a calendar. 

p.s. Just quick re-read and there's a lot of possible sexual innuendos in this piece.  Did you spot them?

Life goals...

RGH's fantastic birthday post got me thinking. In his post he talked about life lessons he's learned over his 30 years. As I approach my birthday as well, I have been thinking about goals and accomplishments. I think many people have similar basic goals (correct me if I'm wrong) - find love, buy a house, travel the world.

However, everyone has things they want to accomplish individual to them that others my find strange. Here's mine:

Work on a Canadian TV show - When I was growing up as a thin, non athletic dork in Pennsylvania I had a few TV shows I would become obsessed with and insist on watching whenever they were on. The thing they all had in common...they were Canadian. I associated everything I loved about these shows (and missed in my real life) with Canada. When I moved to Toronto a few years ago I was determined to work on one of these shows. I signed with a (non-porn) extra agency I found online and got to work on several barely-known Canadian productions and made about $30 for 16 hours of work. Fun stuff!

Skydiving - Fall from a plane, do flips and parachute to the ground. Seems like so much fun and a relatively easy thing to do! One of these days I will get around to do this. I think it would be more fun with a friend, but sadly my friends are "too scared". Hopefully it will be checked off before the 3-0 hits next year!

Record a song and make a music video with a big dance sequence - So I haven't made much progress on this...but I took a few hip hop dance classes and realized pretty quickly that following choreography was not my thing. Trying to figure out 8 counts had my head spinning. Also, I have no musical talent so the singing part of this dream probably won't happen either. Bonus life lesson - I have more of an appreciation for dancers and how tough their line of work is.

Anyone else have goals that may seem random to the untrained observer?

Recommended Reading - Emily Yoffe's Human Guinea Pig series of articles about expanding on her interests and the amusing experiences she has trying new and unusual things. Read about Emily, trying to sell her "hair muffs" to QVC, enter a beauty pageant, and being a "historical re-enactor".

Grandma - Looking fine at 29

Well it has been quite awhile since I have posted to this site, but now that I have been asked to contribute again I thought what better way then to acknowledge my idol.  

Many people have different idols, they may be people you know, people you want to know or people you wish to be like.  I was fortunate enough to know my idol from the day I was born.  Her name was Olga, and she was the cutest, sweetest woman you could ever meet.  Lucky enough for me, she was my Grandma.  I love her with all my heart but unfortunately she passed away two weeks ago from Colon Cancer.  

In the final months of her life, I really got to spend a lot of time with her and got to know her on a more intimate level then ever before.  I would go visit her one to two times a week at her hospital and we would do all types of things.  Some days I would go and we would talk, other days I would go and we would play scrabble, or other days it was just watching tv (her favourite shows being Deal or No Deal, or Judge Judy).  I don't think I can ever watch those shows again without thinking of her.  Grandma was one of those people who was truly special.  You could walk in that room and a big smile would come on her face and you would become the center of her attention.  It didn't matter if you were related to her or not, she always made you feel welcome and like any other typical Grandmother, she always wanted you to eat.  There were days I would sit with her and help her eat her dinner and it might not seem that special but they are moments I will never forget.  I have written her a poem which I read at her gravesite the day she was buried and I wanted to share it with all.  This is for you Grandma, I love you and will miss you.

I always will love your smiling face

Especially when you and I would embrace

When life got tough I could always go to you

You'd give me a hug and knew exactly what to do

No matter what I did you could never be mad

Having someone fully accept me is what I had

Whenever someone came into your home

You always treated them as one of your own

Going to your house to have Turkey dinner’s

Those apple pies haven't made me any thinner.

The days and nights that we would play games

Now without you it will never be the same

I remember the days we went to the Ex

Life was so easy and so not complex

Remember that night you brought Sexy Back?

You were wearing that cute little shirt in black.

As time went on we all grew older

Not you of course, my little soldier

I always wondered how you could be twenty nine

Just another wonderful trait, of this grandma of mine

I did the 10k, ran most of the way

In my heart you will always stay

You are now with Papa till the end time

Oh beautiful Grandma of mine.

I want to thank Jay for helping me clean up the poem and for being such a wonderful friend during my time of need.  I truly couldn't have made it through this time without you and know that I am forever thankful.  ; )

You Ain't Seen Nuthin' yet!

I am celebrating a milestone birthday today, and even though 30 isn’t really that much in the long run, it’s still an important enough number to stop and take stock : ) Here are some simple things I have learned on my journey from ova to diva.

It might seem like common sense, but Doing > Talking. Get up and do it. Right now.

Although I am a big believer in personal growth, leopards don’t change their spots. Someone who hurt you once will hurt you again and someone who shows you kindness will continue to do so. A liar will always be a liar, and if you are lucky enough to make a true friend in someone, they’ll always be that (even if you don’t see them for a while).

Some dreams come true and some dreams do not. Let the ones that do give you strength to deal with the ones that don’t.

You’re never as ________ as you think you are, and even if you are, someone somewhere loves that about you. Fat, skinny, ugly…we all have negative voices in our head. It’s hard, but worth it to try not to listen to them.

It’s ok to put yourself first sometimes. If you are not happy, figure out a way to be. If your needs are important enough to outweigh others’, step back and take care of yourself. On airplanes they say figure out your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs…applicable here.

We’re all trained from an early age to think otherwise, and this is something I struggle with sometimes, but asking for help is not a sign of weakness. That is what your friends and family are for, which brings me to a biggie:

Blood is NOT thicker than water. I began my life journey with one blood relative in my life, and I’m here later with an extended chosen family of people who are incredibly patient, supportive, honest, and loving in amazing ways. Don’t like your family? Choose a new one!

Finally, and most importantly if you play your cards right, things get better the older you get. Life makes more sense and you get better at what you do :)

What have you learned on your life journey?

My day without aids...

NOT AIDS!!! Hearing aids.  Oh how you fell for it.  Thinking it was one thing, when in reality aids means something different to those with a disability.

I spent Thursday without my hearing aids on.  Which is not all that profound.  I go many days and weekends and such without them on.  Why?  I like the silence.  The world is a very loud place and it's nice to not have to hear every single thing.

What I don't usually do is go without them at work.  When you're dealing with a lot of clientele and staff all day, you kinda need to be able to hear them.

On Thursday, I forgot that I had to move my car early and so I had to quickly leave for work when the reminder came over the speaker.  I grabbed my hearing aid case, got on the elevator, checked and realized that it was empty.  I decided to just go to work and give it a go.

Surprisingly it wasn't so bad.  It was difficult, but not impossible.  Perhaps, the hearing aids have been merely a crutch that I've been holding onto.  I find that when one aid dies and I don't have a battery that it impacts my self esteem.  I don't feel quite as confident when I'm not fully hearing abled.

Recently, I've had a few meetings with members of the deaf community.  We've communicated through using an interpreter, a laptop, me simply signing out letters, lip reading and it's worked out quite well.  It's got me thinking about the world that I live in and the world that I've missed out on by not embracing deaf culture younger in life.

My current (hearing) aids are on their last legs and replacing them will cost like $4000.  I've gone one full 'normal' working day with out them, could I go a life time? 

Why are you single?

Probably the most asked question (and probably the most annoying one) when people meet you first or when people haven’t seen you in so long is, “Are you dating someone?” And if the answer is, “No,” they would eventually assume that they have the right to ask you more questions about “Why are you single?” and try to interrogate you as if you committed the greatest social crime, that is, of being single (by choice or by force).

I was reading this article by Jason Dilts called “A Single Problem,” where he talks about (in a critical and academic way) being gay and single. There have been many writers who wrote about this, one of them being Steven Bereznai in his book Gay and Single...Forever? However, I like Dilts’ take on being gay and single because he speaks more for the twenty-somethings while Bereznai’s I find wrote more for the thirty and fourty-somethings.

What I like about Dilts’ article is his self-liberation from the social and cultural pressures of finding a man to complete his life; rather, he comes to the realization that the most important thing to complete someone’s life is not a boyfriend (or a life-partner or whatever kids call them these days) but it is about truly loving and valuing one’s self and having a self-affirming identity. I think the most important factor that people don’t get is that we need to create an identity for ourselves and not having someone to validate that identity for us; but rather, having us to validate that identity and learn to say “fuck off” to whatever societal pressures are around us.

Afterall, happiness is a social construct and the point is to change it and have our own standards of happiness rather than measuring our happiness vis-a-vis whatever the society has prescribed as being “happy”. It is hard not to judge single people in a society which values and privileges heteronormative forms of relationships (that is, being in a coupled, monogamous relationship) and anything outside of these norms is frowned upon and devalued by the society.

The joys of being single cannot be warranted (and I don’t think I could ever give them up) especially the fact that I can live my life in my own terms, the fact that I could value my own accomplishments, my educational attainments, the friendships I have made and are making, the bond I make in my community and the change I make for the society is more than enough for me to say that I’m as happy as I could be. Being single should not be a problem. Being single should always be celebrated.

Where’s my parade bitches?

Julie & Julia

I just got in from Julie & Julia, which filled me with laughter, happiness and sadness.

Laughter at every single time that Meryl Streep spoke. I've never seen much of Julia Child, but if she's anything like Meryl's impersonation, I would've loved her to pieces. The personality was so warm and welcoming. I loved her determination and her attitude to stick to what she enjoyed.

Amy Adams' story isn't as strong as Meryl. But Amy isn't comparable to Meryl. Meryl is a legend. Who has been on a such a hot streak as of late with film choices. From 'Devil's Wears Prada' to 'Mamma Mia' to 'Doubt', 'Adaptation', and 'The Hours' - she just knows how to find a great balance between the serious to the fun. Always committing fully to the character and the project, even if it's fluff like Mamma Mia.

Which is what I enjoyed about this film. It showed that dedication and commitment and working towards a passion will always be worthwhile in the end.  It's something that I've been reflecting on a lot lately. I'm considering a career/life/location change a year from now. I love my present job, but feel like I've done it all and am just starting to repeat myself. It's definitely within my passion, but I'm very passionate about not repeating myself and expanding on what I know and do.

I really enjoyed watching the relationships in the film between Julie and Julia and their husbands. They were supportive, cute, had great sex lives, laughed a lot, ate tons, and it just seemed so great.  Which is one of the things that got me kinda down and mopey (well as mopey as I could ever be).  I realized that both of these characters found their loves and then their passion. Which made me wonder, if I've gotten it all wrong.

Personally, I've always had my priorities like so: work, school, love, art, friends, other. I believe it's important to do a great job at my work and it makes me really really happy. I believe that having access to higher education is an amazing privilege that should be taken advantage of. This is why, I work full time and go to school full time. Finally, I really really enjoy being in a long term relationship, it makes me happy, it's a great comfort - but it always ends due to my busy schedule.

These characters almost lost their loves due to their passion, but they came back. How do I start something new with somebody these days with all that's going on and convince them that I'm worth it? It's been over a year now and I've gone through loads (hehe...loads) of people. Some connections made, but not enough to make them stay...

After all that ramble, I definitely recommend that you go see Julie & Julia. It's a light and enjoyable film and for those like me, it becomes a bit more. :)

Whitney is back.

People have said her voice is not nearly what it used to be. Well obviously, 5 years of smoking crack will do that, but also she's 46. Singers voices change over time. Compare Mariah Carey's voice from the 90's to her current stuff and it doesn't even compare...and she's never even touched the crack.

Whitney's new album is good, not great. She's got a few fun songs (Call You Tonight, Like I Never Left, Million Dollar Bill are stand outs) and sure to have many remixes done. The thing with Whitney (current and past albums) is when she sings about love, cheatin' men, or various other personal struggles is that she FEELS it.

She was born in New Jersey (the armpit of America), dodged lesbian rumors her whole career, on-going drug and alcohol problems, Bobby Brown sleeping around on her, not to mention being an aging pop star...she's been through it all and that's what makes her relatable. On top of that she has THE VOICE

Here's my top Whitney tracks

Million Dollar Bill (Freemason's Mix) - a kick ass remix of the new single from "I Look To You"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nzKZJWIDyc


It's Not Right But It's Ok (remix) - quintessential dance floor anthem
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VFzJLK51cs

How Will I Know - THIS is what the 80's were about!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJ_2zQYUFg

I Wanna Dance with Somebody - 80's pop at its finest. Take note of the unintentionally hilarious video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYTD6hQh6xs

I Will Always Love You - this song gives me chills every time, no one will ever touch the greatness of her voice in this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGC003Xz3CY

What are your thoughts? Do you hate her, love her, couldn't give a shit?

THE BEST FUCKING THING I'VE SEEN ALL DAY

Alright folks, so I regularly visit AfterEllen and if you've read the title of this post, I was wide-eyed and frozen in place because holy crap what am i seeing right now??? more than a little pleased.



That is fucking ELLEN PAGE AND DREW BARRYMORE KISSING. Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore kissing! Kissing! Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore! Ellen! Drew!

Okay I'll stop.

There have been rumours about both of them not being exactly straight and more rumours about both of them not being exactly straight with each other and so I was a little excited. This was my mental monologue, "They're together! They're together and they're coming out to Marie Claire. Note: Buy Marie Claire. Oh shit, that means they're both off the market. Dammit. Dammitdammit. Calm down OrneryCornery, like you even had a chance. Well I can dream can't I? Yea whatever now shut up and stop staring like a creeper, that guy in the corner is looking at you weird".

So that was my reaction. And then I read the interview on Marie Claire. Apparently they are just really good friends. Bummer.

But this brings up something. I love lesbian couples. I genuinely crush on two lesbians who are clearly so in love with each other. And I'm not the only one.

It's not even just celebrities. I have two friends who I'll call A and B. A and B have been together since I've known them and they are just so goddamn cute together. They hold hands and whenever I see them I just want to envelope them in my arms and squish them like little bunnies. I of course don't do this because I understand personal space but I can't help my thoughts. What? Don't look at me like that.

So anyway where does this come from? Is it a lack of representation? All day everyday I see straight couples pass the dingo to each other and I just want to see some queer action? Why do I (and many others) go all Twilight for gay girls together?


Picture of Crazy Twilight Fans from here.

Capital Pride?

This is my very first contribution for the blog and I’m writing from the capital (Ottawa that is). I wanted to talk about my experience today on conquering (heteronormative) spaces in Ottawa. My first observation was that there are not a lot of gay “couples” who do what heterosexual couples do, such as holding hands, kissing in public, and public displays of affection in general. I feel like everyone here is pretty much closeted (I might be wrong since I am writing from a perspective of a Torontonian, where pretty much gay couples are left alone by the general public). But I find that over here, gay pda’s are generally frowned upon, even having a few laughs from heterosexual couples and even calling us faggots. Surprisingly, the people who gave “approval” and who were generally happy about it were older people and older heterosexual couples, which I find quite ironic in a way. It seems a bit odd and off for the capital city to be very heteronormative. Another experience I had today was at the university campus itself (of all the places); I found that there’s not very much gay visibility and that other students judged us as if we were very unusual. Ottawa advertises itself being open and friendly, however, based on my experience this weekend, it is quite the contradiction. And so I ask, where is your pride Capital City?

The Ex...

What do you call someone that you had a long term relationship with, ended things and now you're good friends?

I tend to default to calling him, 'the ex.' But I feel that term has such negative connotations about it.

You know, you're hanging with your friends, somebody walks passed and you kinda half wave at them and then hiss. Your friends are surprised at your immature behaviour and ask 'who was that?' You sneer back, 'the ex.' And everybody just gives the understanding nod. ;)

How often do we see on television ex's that get along, support each other, etc?? Not that often from what I recall.

This last week, I was able to support my ex through a difficult situation, hug him, cuddle nap with him, and it was all platonic. I had fears that it would segue into something that we'd both regret, but it never did. It was just 2 friends being there for one another.

It let me know that we are officially done, done, done and that there's no going back to what we were before. He's in a serious relationship with somebody new and that has to be okay with me.

But I need a term for him. I don't like the ex, as previously explained. I don't like 'good friend', as it doesn't spell out the bond that we have with one another. 'Friend who used to be my lover' is accurate, but a bit long.

What would you call this person?

Kai Likes...

I am a music slut.
I go from song to song, sometimes hardly finishing them because I can't help but want to listen to EVERYTHING. I want the beats and the tunes and the la-la-la's to tunnel their way into me and leave their sticky-gooey-emotion-instigating-wonderfulness deep inside of me.

And so, it's no wonder that I have come back with even MORE music--but this time, with at least 15 minutes of foreplay, which is to say, these next few songs all have a back story.

Years ago when I was just a wee-gay-lad, I lived in a small suburban town called Richmond Hill (I still live there, but now I'm a big-gay-lad). In a desperate search for something gay and fun that wasn't porn, I turned myself towards the wonderful world of literature. At Chapters. Ha! I know, Chapters--since when do they carry gay-lit? But gay-lit-carry they did and I found "Boy Meets Boy" by David Levithan. As teen writers go, David Levithan is one of the better ones (impo). The story is set in an unnamed idyllic little town in the USA, where bashers are bashed and the homecoming queen is also the high school quarterback. Levithan introduces to his readers a large cast of characters, but the one who I related to most was Tony. He's a closeted, lonely little boy from the next town over (which is not so idyllic at all) who lives with his extremely religious and disapproving parents. A year after the reading the novel I took it off of my shelf one day and decided to give it another go. This time around, I read some of the authors notes and discovered that the novel is dedicated "to Tony, even if he only exists in a song."

Cue, Patty Griffin:



It's a sad song, but combined with this sort of empowering melody it creates a weird musical experience...

And onto the next one.

I assume that I am not the only one who reads fan fiction...er...well, maybe I am. However, amidst the crap that exists our there in the world wide web, when a really talented writer takes some of your favorite characters and slashes them up into a relationship that's all sorts of heart-break and emotional regret, you can't help but be carried along with it...

Now, I am NEVER going to reveal what two popular characters this particular writer slashed about, BUT I will reveal the context of the scene where this particular song is referenced.

"When the boy turned his head, and then removed his hands, ***** could smell him in the water, could taste him, could feel that undulating wave from his retreating shoulder against his lips as though it were sun-warm skin. The boy turned and rose up through the water, his eyes blinking, sending more ripples of water down to *****, to touch him, fingers of water dragging slowly over him. He broke the surface and disappeared. At that same moment, ***** realized that he was under water, and that he couldn't breathe. He gasped, and woke.

It was raining that morning. ***** could hear the water sluicing down the stone walls outside the window. The gray light was inching its way into their dorm, the heat wave broken. ***** remembered suddenly that he had left his shirt by the lake."



Wasn't that lovely?

I now command you all to find a crush, a lover, a friend, or friends... and go skinny dipping.

I'm homeless.

Where is home?

I've been asking myself this question alot lately. Growing up, home was my parents house and the suburban Pennsylvania town I lived. I associate all kinds of good memories with that place. Christmas, Thanksgiving, high school parties, swimming in the pool...etc. In university I got my own place with some friends and haven't been a permanent resident in my parents house since. Now I visit 3 or 4 times a year and though there is the same sense of familiarity and good memories when I'm there, I feel like a visitor in that house.

At 23, I met a guy, fell in love and moved with him to the UK. Pretty soon anywhere I went with him I was at home. Our crappy flat, his childhood house, hotels in new cities...they all had a sense of home because he was there. I was comfortable and safe.

A few years later...the big move to Canada to buy our first place. At the time I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. The cracks in the relationship that were ignored in the UK became larger now that we were "settled" and eventually we decided to move on. I'm now in my second post-break up apartment and still feel unsettled and a little lost. No family in Canada and although I have great friends...we have known each other for less than 2 years. When will that feeling of safety and comfort be back?

Where do you call home? How has that changed over the years?

Kai Likes...

This is the first edition of "Kai Likes..."
Every week I will share with "Let's Be Vain!!!" readers things that Kai likes! And this week it's this sweet, hopeful and melancholic tune by Emilliana Torrini, "Sunny Road." I found this song by accident once-upon-a-summer and since then, it has been a personal favorite. I hope you all enjoy her as much as I have.