Vulnerable...

I'm not sure if it's from d/l-ing all 8 of Tracy Chapman's albums or the mark of year 1 tomorrow, but I'm feeling slightly vulnerable. Or as vulnerable as someone like me is capable of getting. ;)

I was at my 'rents and found a book of what I thought were lost words and it reminded of what's occurred over the last little while.

Tracy Chapman writes beautiful words about love and lost. Why not reminisce a little about those that I've liked/loved and subsequently lost (nope, they didn't die...).

JD - You were the first. I'll remember the bumps on your genitalia (non-disease, just a part of anatomy :P). I still recall the confusion when I went away and returned no longer interested.

EP - Young love. If only you would've taken it to the next level. Oh what would've been. You're my only proof that I once had a drunken party side. ;)

JT - So intense, most intense emotional start up that I've ever felt. Sadly, it's true...something so passionate at first will quickly fizzle out and end poorly.

MW - My mista, Mr. Big that is...haha to double entendres. Found my b-day box today for a trip never taken. Bday cards from the past make me smile. I want 'that' feeling back.

MS - One day, I'll say sorry enough times. Not sure if I have yet. They say the third time's the charm, but neither of our hearts could handle it.

JN - We were exactly what both of us needed at the time. Your being and the memories of your stories makes me still laugh out loud.

Who do you think about on those days when you're missing being/feeling loved?

Value Village Rocks!

Today, I realized that I needed some new work polos and casual shorts. I thought about hitting the craptastic mall and seeing what Gap, Old Navy, Thrifty's, hell even Wal-mart might offer. But my late Spring attempts to find clothes at any of these stores gave me nothing. Especially Wal-mart, all of their men's clothes now are designed to hang low. Which is fine, if you like that style, but if you're more into work preppy styles, then wanksta stylings do you no good.

My Value Village though is perfect, cuz it offers you everything and anything. These 2 handsome lads in the pic above located themselves some awesome pimp coats for their pimping times. I was able to find 2 pairs of casual shorts, 2 polos, 2 pieces of random art, and a pair of blue exercise short shorts for only $31. 7 items for $31. Not my best Value Village bargain, but a damn good one at that.

I've used Value Village to supplement my work wardrobe, as all that I wear on 'me time' is t-shirts, jeans, and hoodies. These, I'll find a 'regular' store. Stupid work clothes that I loathe having to wear, I'll pick up for under $5 a piece at Value Village.

Doing a show and need a costume??? Check out this store. It's Halloween and you're broke??? Check out this store. Want to win first prize at your friend's 'Ugliest Sweater' party??? Check out this store.

My Mama hates that I buy clothes 2nd hand as she grew up having to shop at these types of stores or make her own clothes. Personally, I figure that it's a great way to reduce and reuse. Plus, you're unlikely to wear a shirt to work that six other people have already picked up at H&M.

What's your greatest Value Village find?

Michael Jackson Is Dead - I liked his music!

Michael Jackson died today and really, it's probably for the best. He was about to mount a comeback that die hard fans would've sworn was the most amazing thing ever. In reality, there's no way he could match the true talent that he had about 20 years ago.

While I have empathy for those of you who felt a personal connection to him, I just don't understand ppl who get upset over the loss of somebody that they never knew.

That being said, I think there was a time, when he was a phenomenal performer who helped create some legendary songs. His influence on the current crop of performers and future one's will be his legacy.

Here are some of my fav. MJ songs/videos...there's way more that I think are awesome too.

Man In The Mirror:


Michael Jackson "Man in the Mirror" - The best video clips are here

Black or White:


Michael Jackson - Black Or White (Official Music Video) - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

Scream:


Michael Jackson - Scream (Official Music Video) - The most amazing bloopers are here

What's your fav. MJ video, song, performance, moment?

SUPERMARKET SWEEP!!!

Sometimes while waiting for your father to arrive for his Father's Day festivities, you discover AWESOME-NESS!!! Awesome-ness in the form of nostalgic game shows that you only got to watch when you were sick. You remember? Being sick? Watching game shows? How about SUPERMARKET SWEEP??? Oh yah...only one of the best game shows ever. It was on the game show network on Sunday.

The premise is super simple, answer questions and find products to earn yourself extra time for the end. At the end, you get to run like a crazy person throughout the store trying to locate the special products and other shit to earn yourself the largest grocery bill.

The best part about watching old games show is the awful outfits, hair, and glasses. They had the contestant in sweatsuits. Sweatsuits do not flatter rather obese ladies. Plus a couple of them had really big teased hair. One even had those awful super LARGE glasses that only that era could allow for.

Did you ever watch this show? What other nostalgic cheesy game shows do you miss?

MsnGeeks.Com - It's Your Friend!

Most times, I am not technology's biggest supporter, but sometimes I really love it.

I have had access to this site for years and I hope that you have to. If not, I strongly recommend that you check out MsnGeeks.com.

I discovered this site years ago during a day of deleting msn contacts and a friend of mine contacting me in a huff. Apparently, in my haste to delete randoms, I accidentally deleted him. He was quite upset and thought that our friendship was over. When it was just a harmless mistake.

With this tool, I am able to determine who had deleted me. Which usually results in some sadness and a question of 'why not just say that you no longer wanna msn?' But there's also the feature of who you've deleted and still has you on their list. Which usually results in a feeling of 'Oh ok..kinda creepy...we haven't spoken in years and they still have access to my status updates.'

The fun thing with technology is that it takes away that awkwardness of calling/texting a friend that you haven't spoken to in forever in an effort to determine if you're still friends. Most people are dishonest and would say 'For sure...let's do lunch later this month.' You don't hear from them, you wonder if they just got busy, then you go on facebook and see them at a different event every day. Which leads to more crying. ;)

Instead with msngeeks.com, all you have to do is check and see if they've still got you on their list and if not, you can write them off.

I strongly recommend that everybody uses this site, you may be surprised to find out that I deleted your ass months ago. :)

Life in the 21st Century

Friday, June 19, 2009

LIFE IN THE 21ST CENTURY

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

What part of “Fuck off” don’t you understand?
Your hemorrhoids are so huge,
Your asshole looks like the labia of an old whore.

I’m tired of poverty and struggle.
I’m sick of rejection and doors slammed in my face.
Let me taste a bit of success, again.

I want to look at the world from my seventh floor balcony,
Stretching my muscles on the cold concrete
In the darkness of the night.

I want sexual fulfillment
And a pink bow tied around my flaccid penis.
I want what I want and I want it now!!
Not tomorrow or next year
Or when I grow up or turn 65.

I want a life.
Not a broken puzzle,
A ringing phone that no one answers.
Fuck the half full jar of pennies on my wobbly wooden stand.
I want enough of everything.

Say “yes” when I whisper in your ear.
Call me up when I send you my resume.
You!!
Once I thought I loved you.
Maybe I really did.
Now it seems like blind, stupid lust.
Your once taut belly now turning to flab.

That’s not why I don’t want to see you.
It’s your superiority and contempt that stops me from picking up the icy phone.
Your jaw-dropping selfishness.
Now I see you for the tedious bore you really are.
Your phony two-faced smile.
Fans can’t see past those duck lips and the bulge in your pants.
I can!!

“Piss off.”
Is that clear enough?
I don’t want much.
Not a mansion or a pink Cadillac.
I can live without diamonds and all the things I’m supposed to want.

Just give me peace and quiet.
A good book.
Some hot flesh when I want it.
Conversations with decent friends.
Art to soothe my nerves.

Let me look at a book of Monet’s “Water Lilies” on my death bed.
That will ease the transition to the other side.
Ban the priest from my room
Then let me blow the male nurse before my last gasping breath.

Life is full of nasty surprises
Sneaking up and squeezing your balls when you least expect it.
Life is a Jayne Mansfield car wreck.
James Dean was nominated for two Oscars after he died.
A lot of good that did him.

Listen to the gorgeous sound of the ocean
Outside my imaginary home.
It’s the most beautiful music in the world.
I love to walk in the sun on a soothing summer day.
Smell the fresh smog as it burns the cancer in my lungs.
I’d like a Close Encounter of the Third Kind.

There is no unemployment on Pluto.
Purple is the sound of ecstasy and infinity.
The Afterlife is one big drunken coffee break,
So I am told.
I can’t wait to find out the real, honest to God truth.

Feeling Some Boyce Avenue!

I have a favourite covers band on youtube by the name of Boyce Avenue! They're great and I think that you'd really dig their acoustic covers.

Here are some of my favourites from what they have released...



I like when they do medleys of popular song, this is the band's take on Alicia Keys/Jordin Sparks/Black Eyed Peas



This is how I first discovered this band. One of my favourite songs last year reinterpreted. :)



Pop songs on acoustic guitar are my faves. I could sit and listen to someone playing acoustic guitar all day and night. It one of my greatest pleasures.

What undiscovered bands do you love on youtube?

Let's Talk Daddy!

Sorry, this won't be a discussion on how to get yourself a sugar daddy or dad/son fantasies or a pimp diddy. It's just a discussion on your Dad - biological/adopted/surrogate/etc.

This Sunday marks Father's Day and I'll be spending it with mine. I'm treating him to lunch and then a movie (Terminator or Star Trek). What will you be doing for your Dad?

I find that a lot of people, but especially queers seem to have strained relationships with their father. Is it the sexuality or the generation gap? I know that my Dad often states that his father would come home, read, and no one should bother him. His Mom took care of the household/children and that's just the way it was. My Pa does chores, knows how to cook and for a few years, he stayed home with us and took care of us to his best ability.

I've never really felt like I had that sitcom-y father figure per se. I had more of a buddy who had the ability to ground me. Usually it would be for a 10 year period, I'd stomp up to my room, and then half hour later, he'd arrive with candy and apologize for grounding me. Haha...my Mom was much better with the discipline.

As I've grown up, I've been able to relate better to my Dad and BEWARE, if we get started on any of our comedy routines. Nobody is safe from our ridicule and we continue to egg each other on with no regard for the fact that nobody else is laughing. :P

It's Father's Day this Sunday, so be sure to recognize it!

Sex Tapes!

Another 'celebrity' has had a sex tape of them come to the attention of the press.

This time it's super cute Dustin Lance Black, who was the screenwriter on the not-so-perfect-but-good 'Milk' film starring Sean Penn.

You can check the pics out at Perez Hilton. Let's just say that in 2006, Dustin was looking super cute & hot and not too concerned about diseases. Tsk, tsk with the bareback video sex.

All these celebrities with sex tapes now, it makes me wonder how many of you go about taping your sexual adventures or snapping nudie pics and all that such fun.

Knowing that one day somebody may post a pic or a video of you, when you're famous...does it make you scared to do so. In today's gay realm where sites like dudesnude.com and cam4.com exist, is it possible for a naked picture of you not to be out there? Is it thanks to us living in such an exhibitionist society that a sex tape really can't destroy a career any more? Is this a good or a bad thing?

Personally, I'm hoping that his sex tape does get released, as they look like a super cute couple. :) Does it make me think any less of him? Nope, not at all. Do I question the person selling the tape's integrity? Of course, but everybody's out to make a quick buck. The lesson to be learned? Always be the sole owner of any sex tapes that you make!!! I'm just saying....

Music In The Summer

You know it's the summer time, when songs that are light and fun start to come about. I can't even recall what last year's song of the summer was?? Any help? I think 2 years ago it was 'Umbrella', there was 'Promiscuous', 'We Belong Together' and of course, the list goes on.

Here's what I'm listening to right now as we head into the summer season...yep, all pure pop-ness.

Kelly Rowland is the biggest star to come out of Destiny's Child. Mark my words. Time will make this statement very very true. Beyonce is all flash and really, I'm soooo tired of her. Kelly works at being original, tries different things and is FAR MORE beautiful than Beyonce can ever aspire to be. For the summer, she's hooked up with a mega DJ to put out what will surely be a huge international hit.

David-Guetta-Ft-Kelly-Rowland-When-Love-Takes-Over-Official-Video-2009 sélectionné dans Musique et Clips

I'm not going to lie. This one will take a few listens to really get into it. But I swear that you will be humming the chorus as your day goes on. The interesting thing that BEP has done with this album is to release non-singles as singles. The #1 hit 'Boom Boom Pow' doesn't really fit what US audiences tend to enjoy it, yet they ate it up. This one is just a smooth summer jam that you can chill to on the patio.

Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta feeling -LE CLIP) sélectionné dans Musique et Rap / R'n'B

My pick for summer song of the summer is Jordin Sparks' 'Battlefield.' Congrats to her for getting a instant hit song written for her. Plus, she has made a super grown up video. If you were able to not get into her first hit song, Tattoo, then you might be able to avoid this one. If you liked that song, you're going to love this one.

Jordin Sparks - Battlefield Official Video 2009 sélectionné dans Musique et Clips

What pop songs are in the running for your songs of the summer?

OMG! Zack Morris is Alive!

I don't know about you, but the 2 dudes above were definitely in my dreams, jerk off fantasies, and daydreams daily throughout my teen years!!! I watched them grow up on Saved By The Bell and followed them even onto the Saved By The Bell: The College Years. I watched them on Saved By The Bell: Hawaii and The Las Vegas TV movies too.

They both grew up, Slater to do a lot of skin tv shows. He did the speedos in Greg Louganis story. Got nekkid in Nip/Tuck. Did that bicycle cop show too. Pretty much, he's become much more about his body than anything else.

Zack kinda disappeared for awhile after packing on the pounds for The College Years. His career was revived for NYPD Blues, where he got to show off his cute ass too. Him and producer/writer Boncho seemed to be best buds, now that he's on another one of his shows.

To promote the 2nd season of 'Raising the Bar', Zach Morris made a come back on Jimmy Fallon's show last night and it was hilarious!!!

Check it out:



Who was your favourite Bayside hunk?

I love sweatshirts!

I don't know about you, but one of my fav. pieces of clothing is a sweatshirt. When sick, it's my favourite comfort clothing. When cold, it keeps me warm.

For me, the sweatshirt must be at least one size too big and must be in hoodie form. If the sleeves don't allow me to fully engulf my hands, then it's no good whatsoever.

Another important aspect of wearing a sweatshirt is that it must be worn with nothing underneath it. A t-shirt just gets in the way of the cotton!

I'm self aware enough to know that this is most definitely one of my most pointless posts. :)

The question is what's your favourity type of clothing to wear?

Up`

I just saw "Up".
And I cried.
I would love to say that I bawled, for dramatic reasons, but a) that would be lying and b) that would make me sort of a dork.

I am a sucker for sweet children's films and "Up", in the vain of Robert Munch's (sp.?) "Love You Forever" and Pixar's "Finding Nemo", is one such film that just shatters your heart a little and fills you with joy and love and rainbows and puppies. Visually it is stunning and the orchestral score lifts you up along with that small old house being carried away by balloons, and you can't help but bounce a little in your seat as the adventure takes off.

I don't want to ruin the film, so I will give a very brief synopsis:

Old grumpy man wants to go on an adventure, a young over-enthusiastic boy gets carried away with him and then things get sad and angry and crazy and stressful but most importantly, things get happy.

But oh, it is so much more than that.

Personally, I responded to this because a small part of the storyline really hit close to home, and so I couldn't help but break out in a few tears of sadness...but overall, I think you will ALL enjoy this. And if you don't, you obviously have no heart.

So if you dream, if you like adventures, if you've still got that little kid inside of you who bounces with hope and joy and love, then go out now and get carried away with "Up!"

Happinesss is a warm oven

Few things in life make me happier than cooking for someone else.

If it's family, friends, or a special someone, I plan the menu, wash the ingredients, and focus on putting positive energy into the meal I'm making. I try to make it colorful and visually arresting...bright yellow curry, hot pink salmon, ruby red tomatoes, dazzling green peas, crystalline ice cubes, dazzling purple onions, leafy sprouts, artfully arranged skewers. I like strong flavors....if I make you a ceasar salad, it'll be more garlicky than you're used to, if it's barbecue you can expect your food well-done, and if it's mexican, then go easy on the salsa!

Expressing feelings through food is my way of saying I care about you. I can't buy you jewellery or take you on vacation, but I can demonstrate how valuable you are in my life through this kind of appreciation. This has been true of many people for many years (the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, according to old wives), but I'll tell you a secret. I have found there is no better therapy than making a meal.

If you need to de-stress, if you are feeling blue, if you need to let go of some emotional or mental block, all you need to do is get out some recipe cards, and follow the instructions. Simple tasks where your hands do the work and your brain can let go: crack an egg, measure a half cup of sugar, slice a green pepper.

Try it and see!

Let's Get Active!

A few weeks ago, I rejoiced in the idea of having a summer fling. I've decided to change my statement to summer fit. More to the point, let's get active!

I think we hear fit and some of us may picture perfect speedo/bikini bods with rock hard abs, etc. After close to three decades on this planet, I'm realizing that's just not going to happen for me. I'm going to stick with simply being active and letting the rest take care of itself.

I'm on a 90 day workout challenge and I'm 13 days into it. It's called the P90x workout (www.beachbody.com) and it's a series of DVDs that guide you through a different workout each day of the week. I was drawn to it as it does a day of yoga each week, which is something that I haven't seen in a professional mainstream workout before. Plus, you do 2 days of cardio and get a day off each week. After two weeks of the same videos, it's starting to lose its lustre, but I can certainly see how people would see results by the end. Work out 90 days straight for an hour or so, one is bound to see some improvements. :)

For me, it's not just about getting fit, it's really about just being active. After 13 days of being active daily, I'm seeing the signs. I'm eating a lot more than ever, cuz my body is craving nourishment and it's mostly all healthy. I'm hydrated to the point that I'm using the washroom way too often to empty my bladder. ;) I'm sleeping much longer than before and having vivid dreams due to my extreme exhaustion at the end of the day. Most of all, I'm having a lot of fun.

On top of the P90x workouts, I'm leading yoga sessions, taking long walks and going out blading w/ new and old friends. The summer is officially here, so why not take advantage of it?

What are you doing to be active these days?

What the fuck is up with this weather.

Over the past few years, I have maintained a very simple and respectable "sick" cycle. I only get sick once a year and it usually hits me around the end of September/beginning of October. I get a mild flu, I stay home, drop a few pounds and then spend a week gaining my sick weight back which is ALWAYS fun. Now it may be a bad thing that I always get the flu once year because really, your goal should be to never ever get the flu. But my "sick" cycle has been so consistent that I have grown accustomed to my flu's arrival and I even prepare for it during that time!

However...

With this up and down weather, with the cold and the hot and the humid and the chills and the "holy crap everyone else is sick and now I'm sick", my entire system is thrown off. I feel crappier than ever lately, and I just totally got the flu a few days ago when really, I shouldn't be getting this until late September, and I blame this on global warming because even the cicadas are starting to emerge and they shouldn't be out for another 4 years, because they only mate every 17!

Or, I have some other life-threatening illness and this is just a symptom.


Is anyone feeling thrown off by this annoyingly crappy weather?
Am I crazy?

I can hear you now!

WOOHOO, I can hear you now!!! Spending 10 days in the land of the semi hearing is not an enjoyable feeling whatsoever. You see, I've got a mild hearing loss and wear hearing aids to help to get it to full power. Some people confuse having a hearing loss with being deaf. To explain it to children, I say that just like how some people wear glasses, some people wear hearing aids to help them hear better.

The major difference between glasses and hearing aids would be the insane cost for them. Ontario government will pitch in 500/aid every 3 years and your employee might be nice enough to chip in some too. Mine are probably about 5 years old and slowly dying. I had to get them in prior to the warranty running out or else I'd have to buy a new pair sooner than later and be a bit more broke.

Being one hearing aid short was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. For years, I only used one. The last 2 years, I've been using 2 and became quite comfortable with that. Spending 10 days without one, meeting new people, working, etc was not so much fun at all. It was a gentle reminder that I do have a disability and could face a potential future of struggling with it daily. On days when one feels invincible, it was a reminder that one is not.

My other one needs to go in too, but I've got a series of presentations coming up. Hard to be semi deaf when you're presenting to a room of 200 people. Well I could do it, it'd be one damn huge struggle. Two years ago, I went two weeks with nothing and pretty much just faked my way through the experience.

So if you've had the (dis)pleasure of hanging out with me over the last couple of weeks and I seemed a bit off, now you know why. For this week, I can hear you now. Next week, it'll be another week of just smiling and nodding along. :)

Roomies or No Roomies

After 5 months of living alone, I've reached that question that we all come to at some point: Do I want a roomie?

When I moved out, I was leaving my 'rents, where I had been living for almost 14 months. I had done it to save money to buy my own place. I broke up w/ my ex, realized I couldn't afford to own solo, and was going nuts by the 'rents.

To solve this dilemma, I moved out. First, I put to the universe exactly what I wanted. Three bedrooms, 1 for sleep, 2 for yoga, 3 for office. I wanted it close to work and close to downtown. I wanted it to be in a quiet space with no dogs barking. I wanted it for cheap!

Universe delivered, I love Universe and all is well. One of my best girlies then started talking about needing a place and I started thinking...maybe I could deal with a roomie.

Pros and Cons to Roomie-life!

Pros: Companionship
Cons: Can't be naked 24/7
Pros: Roomie can help to keep place tidy
Cons: Can't keep bringing over randoms twice daily
Pros: Monthly expenses sliced in half
Cons: Roomie could be annoying, stupid, ugly, have ugly random encounters, not do dishes, have a loud barky dog, and talk incessantly about rocks.

And you know, the list goes on and such.

So what'd you think? Live a life in solitude or get a roomie? What's your experience with roomies? Would you wanna be my roomie? :P