Naughty Times!

There are quite a few great sites that help me pass through my naughty times!!! But none as great as my recent discovery of cam4.com.

Many many many years ago back when IRC was around, one of my favourite rooms was #teencams and #gayteencams. With the magic of net meeting and an ip address, you could instantly connect with one person and sometimes even a couple. I recall connecting once with a porn star who's videos I had seen and thinking how awesome this device was.

Throughout the years, things have advanced and now you can cam through msn, yahoo, skype, and even ichat.

I've seen many cam sites before; however, usually they want you to pay to view/chat or the shows are quite drab.

Not with cam4.com!!! Literally, you can see just about anything that you would like. This morning, I've seen a girl fuck herself with a vibrator. I've seen 2 guys barebacking. I've seen many a boys jerking and way too many just teasing. A few overweight str8 couples doing it and even a cpl of 3somes. If variety is what you want, it's what you'll get.

The only downside to the site is that you can only view one cam at a time and you never know what you'll miss by switching to another cam. If you need an early morning release and only got 10 minutes, I suggest sticking with your regular porn or else risk being late. Which may or may not be worth it. :)

What sites do you enjoy for your naughty times?

Uncle Jim's Family

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Today, we had a graveside memorial service for my Uncle Jim, Aunty Helen and their daughter Virginia. I wrote this poem for them and read it out to the gathered friends and family. We were all invited to speak. It was a lovely service and the reception, afterwards, was very enjoyable. It was a great chance to see everyone. Jim and Helen's 2 week old great grandchildren (twins) were brought in towards the end of the reception.

UNCLE JIM’S FAMILY

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

Helen was always so kind to me, as a child.

I forever enjoyed going over to Uncle Jim and Aunty Helen’s house.

Lots of activity and fun,

With good vibrations emanating from the walls.

Virginia said the funniest things.

I think of pink and dark yellow, when I think of that place.

I recall the antique front parlour furniture that no one ever sat in

And the rough and ready feeling in the basement.

Later in life, Ginny Ann was very generous and lovingly organized family get-togethers.

Now we all only see each other at birthdays or funerals.

May the Goddess bless you Uncle Jim, Aunty Helen and Virginia.

And I was blessed to have them in my life yet I didn’t even know it,

When I was young.

I think of Ginny’s straw-coloured hair.

The weight she put on, later in life.

Jim always seemed to be wheeling and dealing.

A born salesman.

Always the upbeat personality and almost swagger.

Aunty Helen and her nervous breakdown.

Her liberation through taking part time jobs

Just to get her out of the house.

She loved it.

I will miss them.

The quirky, gurgle of a laugh coming out of Virginia’s throat.

We all had big families and there was always someone to play with close to your own age.

Much laughter, tears, loving and drama at Uncle Jim’s house.

Sports on TV in the rec-room.

Secrets to tell the cousins.

A great place to visit.

Helen and Jim had a good marriage.

Virginia lived a fruitful life.

She always had the most beautiful homes.

A smiling face to greet the guests.

I wish all three of them great peace, joy and serenity in the Afterlife.

Thank you for gracing our lives.

Mine was certainly richer because I was your nephew and cousin.

Away to the light blue sky, far, far up out of sight.

Spread your wings and fly away to happiness.

Let the angels sing a soaring, rapturous song.

Goodbye.

I will never forget you three.

I think they would want us not to grieve too wisely.

We’ll see them, again, someday soon.

Who does it best?

One of the cool things about music is watching other artists cover one another. Some make it their own, others do a carbon copy, and some just butcher it to death.

I was listening to a mix cd that a friend had made for a road trip and was happy to listen to 'Crimson & Clover' sung by Dolly Parton. I've recently been playing Prince's cover of the same song on repeat. I took it to youtube to discover who else has laid their hands on this song.

There's Dolly's country-fied rendition:



Here's Prince's version that I find very chilled and funkified




I found one by Joan Jett and it's apparently one of her first videos:



The original was by Tommy James and The Shondelles



Four different artists, but essentially the song is kept true to its essence.

Who does it best???

Frosted Flakes = Good. Social Flakes = Bad!

"Your people call my people"
"We'll do lunch"
"Let's be friends and truly mean it"

These are catch phrases that we all know are ones that are wrapped in falsehood.
You don't assume when your friend tells you...

"No no. I will follow through on my word. Trust me."

...that it too will also be a lie.
But I guess everyone has friends like that...the social flakers. Is there a limit that one can take before you take off the "nice guy" gloves and say I'm done?
I say YES...yes there is.
Mine was hit the other week and with no apologies the flaker wants to pretend nothing's happened. Why not just tell me the truth and say "I can't follow through on anything I say" to which I'd be like "sweet. Let's do lunch sometime then."
Am I being too cold by not socializing with the flaker and waiting for an apology?
Comments? Concerns? I'm all ears.

I need plastic!!!

I've been a good boy and bought the Loblaws cloth bags. In fact, I think I've bought at least 10-15 of them. I've left them at my 'rents, I've left them w/ ex's and some ppl still have them and haven't returned them (looking at u, Jason :P).

I don't mind that many a times, I have to take the elevator all the way back up, when I leave the house without them.

I do mind that now I am sitting in my condo without the ability to throw out any garbage. I have no plastic bags. I rarely shop, so while some may have a wal-mart bag or a winner's bag or a sears' bag (or insert wherever u shop), I have absolutely no plastic bags here. Just garbage sitting on my counter, piling up, which is gross!

How does one solve this dilemma?? Well I believe you can buy garbage bags in mini size, but that just seems silly. I could go and buy stuff from a store and then keep the bag, but return the stuff. That seems like a waste of my time. Actually, I thought about raiding my parents' cupboard for some and walking out w/ them incognito.

Any suggestions? Anybody share my frustration?

Dream Interpretation

I rarely remember any of my dreams and don't think that I dream all that vividly. But it's 6:46a.m. on Sunday morning and I've just arisen from 3 pretty vivid one's. I tend to think that my dreams are kinda literal and I can piece them together from the day's events. Perhaps, you'd all like to take a stab at interpreting them. :)

Dream #1 - My dog returns!

My family and I are all at my 'rents house. We're hanging around and playing, when my brother comes in with my deceased dog, Romeo, an awesome black chow chow bastard of a dog. You see, he was just sick and has returned. We're all playing around, when I accidentally leave the front door open and he escapes (like he did many a times). My Dad starts screaming at me, I run outside and see my dog happily playing in the street. I go to grab my shoes, when I remember that we put him down last year and he is no more. :(

Dream #2 - I have a small house!

I'm standing within this small pitiful house and thinking how it's all mine. It's simple, needs to be fixed up, but I don't care. The rent is even cheap at $600/month. I realize that I'm already pushing budget each month and start freaking out about how I'm going to cover this expense. I kick myself for signing a lease and not taking better care of my finances. I, literally, wake up and start strategically figuring how to solve this dilemma. Sane-ness kicks in and I realize that I don't have a house. ;)

Dream #3 - I have a date for Thursday...w/ the last lad!



I have this feeling of happiness, when I think about my upcoming date on Thursday. I'm all excited as this guy has made big plans for us on Thursday (I don't recall the plans). I'm feeling awesome and very interested to see what he's come up with for the 2 of us. He arrives at the door and it's the last lad that I've dated. My dream state doesn't recognize that we're no longer together. I'm just happy. I wake up looking forward to the date and then consciously remember that we're no longer. :(

You Are Not Alone

I bought a new movie at Glad Day called "You Are Not Alone". It is a Danish film from 1978. I had heard about it but never seen it. Well, it is amazing! It is now one of my favourite movies of all time. I have watched it 5 times this week and I want to see it again.



Now, here's the unique thing about it. It is about a love affair between a 12 year old boy and a 15 year old boy at boarding school. It may sound creepy but it is the most romantic, sweet, lovely film I have ever seen.



People always get creeped out by child sexuality. But, hey, it does exist. I had 2 girlfriends between the ages of 11 and 13 and we used to neck in the basement. One of them was always showing me her tits and pussy and I wasn't really that interested. I was more scared than anything. (She was about the same age as me but she had gone through puberty and I had not. She was also about a foot taller than me.)



The film ends with a kiss between the two boys. In one of the scenes, the students are discussing politics in class. One of them says, "What about our rights? Aren't we 'the people", too?" And this boy has a point. Children don't really have any rights which is one of the reasons I hated being a child. Adults were always telling me what to do and what not to do.



The film is not child pornography. The 12 year old has a horrible father who has no time for him. The 15 year old boy treats him so well and really loves him. And it is the 12 year old who pursues the older boy, most of the time.



I urge you to see this film and would love to hear what people have to say about it. I want to add that I am not a creepy pervert and have no interest in having sex with children. But I love this film. The acting is excellent and it is beautifully shot and directed.

Suddenly Single for Summer!!!

That's right my Letsbevain ppl, Jay is suddenly single for summer! My subconscious usually is right on and my piece 'Summer Fling' that was written 2 weeks ago should've been a key indicator to all that I was heading towards there.

If I do end up finding a fling for summer, it'll be my first Spring & Summer flings within the same year. I seem to have this knack of finding someone in April and then it lasts for a minimum of 11 months to max. of 2 years. This year, I started something in March and was hoping that it'd get me through to the summer.

So with a brand new start, I get to start dating again in May and I plan on enjoying it as much as possible as last time. If you recall from earlier blogs, I had the pleasure of dating 4 diff. guys hoping that it'd get narrowed down. Those all didn't pan out, then it was 2 new one's, nixed one and tried it with another.

The odds weren't really in our favour from the start, but it was certainly fun while it lasted. Friendship hopefully on the horizon, 'cuz he's one of the few that can honestly make me laugh hard. Future relationship material...nah! Good buds, here's hoping.

On that note, I put to the universe that I will avoid the following things in my Summer fling(s):

1) No more tops. I get them all to turn, but it's just a bit of a hassle. I love challenges and this is obviously a big one that I always succeed at accomplishing, but let's pass this time. :)

2)No more saving. As I'm a social work academic, I have the urge to take on projects that I think I can benefit from and them from me. For now on, I'm a gonna get me someone that's much more awesome than I.

3) Let's just ignore age. Close to my age or older by max. 4 has been my rule of thumb, FUCK IT! I'm gonna try to be open to all ages.

4) You gotta have passion in either your work or for some hobby. Too many party boys, I need someone who's busy like me trying to improve themselves or the world around them.

I think that's about it. If you've dated me or know me, feel free to add other things that I should stray from. :P

In my own words from my future underground so-so hit, Summer Fling...

"It's about time for a summer fling, someone get me a big ding a ling. All the animals be panting in heat, but they ain't the only one's craving meet."

Let the summer flinging begin!

Kris gets my vote!

I caught the last few minutes of American Idol last night as I prepped to watch 'Glee' and was floored by what I saw. All I've been reading about everywhere is how this Adam Lambert lad is going to win and how wonderful it'll be and blah blah blah. COME ON!!! The dude is fugly to the max. My vote goes to Kris Allen. Just look at him! Super cute, plays the guitar and is someone that I can see creating some cool simple tunes a la John Mayer and Jack Johnson. What's Adam gonna do? Bring back acid rock?? Not on my watch!!!

Yah, yah...Gaybert is apparently going to break down all the 'gay walls' - let's just wait and see. Instead, I'll take me some Kris Allen. Look at that mouth, the boy's got blow job lips and a nice loose jaw. Let's put this boy to work!
Awww....that's just the cutest picture ever. No eye liner, stupid nail polish and not an obvious dye job. Just a good ol' boy who's super cute and would be great to wake up next beside and be inside. ;)
Finally, we all need a good shirtless pic to determine if our lust is warranted. The pic is 4 years old, but 4 year ago, he was rocking quite the nice pecs and biceps. Looks like he's slimmed down a bit for American Idol, but me still likeths.

It's too late to vote, but let's hope that Kris' career lasts leaps and bounds over that Lambert fella who can headline the new revival of Rocky Horror Picture Show. :P

Oh and no, I haven't heard Kris sing once and only Adam once, but as this is a popularity contest and not a singing contest, this is why I feel I'm warranted in choosing Kris.

Place is painted!

Returning home from 3 days at the cottage is pretty fun. Now returning home to a newly painted apartment is pretty fucking sweet!

There's nothing I hate more than manual labour. I'll do it if I have to, but it's just not my thing at all.

Painting requires both manual labour and creativity. I can be mildly creative, but never when it involves paints, pencil crayons or crayons (thick or thin).

Thanks go out to my sis and fiance for spending a bit over a day and turning white walls into grey/blue combinations. My sis being the control freak that she is, even laid out some stuff that I've had hidden in the closet for the last 5 months.

Tomorrow marks the 5th month that I've lived here and now I'm starting to see myself settling a bit. I'm moving in 13 more months and I move a lot. So it's odd to have a place of mine painted. Now I'm contemplating picking up some black & white prints, maybe creating my own art, the whole shh-bang. ;) But we'll see what comes of it all. I still have carpeting sitting in my balcony that I pulled up 5 months ago. I taped up 4 rolls tonite and have promised myself that I'll take one roll down to the garbage tomorrow.

Spring has sprung, what are you doing to brighten your day or feel semi accomplished?

Hits and Misses Vids

There's been some vids lately that I have been hits and misses for me...

(I've no clue why youtube is being stupid these days and not allowing ppl to embed certain videos into other websites. So you'll have to click on the links to some of the following.)

MISSES

Pink's 'Please Don't Leave Me' is by far my favourite song off her last album, but I freakin hate the video. Like it could be all dramatic and cool and instead, it's just stupid. Check the link here. Again, love love love the song. It should've been single #2, but Sober was an interesting choice.

Kelly Clarkson's 'I Do Not Hook Up' is not one of my fav. songs off her album. But it was written by Katy Parry and that Kara chick from American Idol. In fact, Katy had recorded it, but it didn't get on her album. So jumping on that train, Kelly's released this song and it's burning up the charts. What is awful is the video, another one that makes no sense. Plus poor Kelly..she's gotten kinda big, so they don't really show more than her face in her vids these days. Check it out here.

HITS:

I'm in totally like w/ the 'Big Bang Theory', it's a sitcom on CBS and it's about geeks. So I never watched. But I downloaded the first season after watching an episode a few weeks ago. The show is freaking hilarious! Like I'm a sorta geek and it just makes me laugh. The one guy Sheldon doesn't get regular interactions, so it's fun watching him make fun of others or just not get why you can't be blunt 24/7.



Another pretty hilarious show is 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.' Simple premise, 3 friends that own a bar and the pretty girl that works there too. I've seen the first 3 and each time, it's just simple situations and revolves around getting laid. :P

Pretty much these days, we all need a good laugh and now I've got 2 more shows that fill that void.

What are some hits and misses for you these days?

Let's talk protests!

I know I'm going to make no new friends and probably anger some people, but we all need to talk about this Tamil protest and protests in general!

I'm putting it out there first and foremost, I've never marched. I'll sign petitions, I'll write letters, I'll boycott, but I don't march. There, I've said it.

Am I against marches? Nope! Am I against inconveniencing people...hell's yah!

The Gardiner protest ran on Mother's Day starting in the early evenings and into the night. Many families were inconvenienced. Emergency services were delayed. I don't believe lives were lost, but it could be possible.

The protests are continuing and right now I'm watching them make a loop in the downtown core. The news reporting that 250 officers are following behind them. Today, I found out that to hire an off duty police officer will set you back between $50-$60/hour. These are officers being paid and probably many over time. Are the Tamils going to pay for this?

Let's take a look at this from an ecological perspective (from my point of view), all this money has to come from somewhere. Toronto police is paid by the city of Toronto which means that there's going to be a shortfall. I doubt that they've budgeted for this kind of stuff. Which means that it'll go back to the taxpayer. The taxpayer who maybe can't afford an increase. So there's an increase next year or maybe they cut services to make up for the shortfall in other areas. So they cut a recreation program or social services, cuz we know those are the first to go.

Plus, think of everybody trying to get to and from work each day. They're barely holding it together as it is, now they're late for their second part time job. Boss could care less, so they lose their job or have added stress. There's no way for us to predict what's going on, nor is it being heavily reported.

Essentially, here's my point. I don't care what you do, just don't fuck with other ppl's lives. March on Queen's Park, make your point, and trust, if you've got 7000 people, the media is going to cover it. You will get exposure, hopefully the governments will pay attention. What is happening in Sri Lanka is not in the least bit acceptable and people should be aware of it.

The thing is that regular folks could care less and in fact, care even less when you mess with their lives. I would suggest using their massive numbers to send letters, e-mails, to set out to Ottawa and stand on Parliament. Get the word out, get Canadians on your side, don't alienate people.

Them my thoughts...what are yours?

You take the good, you take the bad...

You take the good, you take the bad...it's a tv theme song and just the way that life works out.

It's seriously the worst driving week for me thus far. Sunday was dreadful between construction and the Tamil protest. Monday took me 2 hours to get to Milton, when it should've taken 1 hour. Stupid collision pushed 401 down to 1 lane...not fun! Tonight, I left work late to avoid traffic and another collision turned a 20 min. trip into almost an hour. Wahhh!

To balance out the awful-ness...I'm a contract away from securing a venue for the event that I'm putting together in late August. A date and venue means that I'll have 3 whole months to get together a fabulous group of performers, crew, and supporters for it.

A side business of mine is back on track and all it took was my own personal focus and being clear about what I wanted.

This weekend is going to be great! Mom's b-day, long weekend at the cottage, nephew to be there, and time for me to just sit in the sun and ponder.

All in all, another week that offers a healthy balance. :) What's working and not working for you?

I get around!

Yesterday was one of my worst driving days in Toronto ever!!! A trip from the Beaches up to Eglinton West back to my hood at DVP/Wynford took 2 hours. It should not! The culprit...construction and driver stupidity. Summer time in the city means construction to fix all the destruction from the winter on the roads. When will we create a surface that isn't destroyed by our winters?

At night, it took me about 2 hours to get from my place to Eglinton Station to Mississauga! It should not! The culprit...Tamil protest that really screwed up the whole city. I'm all for protesting, but I'm not for causing delays to other people's lives.

The question: HOW DO YOU GET AROUND??

For myself, I used to be a loud and proud transit whore. If I could get to it by transit, then I did. I would travel over 90 minutes to and from work 4 times a week. It was great! No, seriously! I like transit. I enjoy being able to just sit there, read my book, listen to music, write, or just sleep. Now that I drive (work related reasons), I miss out on all that time.

Question of the week: How do you get around?

Communication Changes with Technology!

I recall about 5-6 years ago my gal pal and I having this very intense conversation about cell phones and lovers. You see, this was at a time, when neither of us had a cell phone. Yes, such a time existed. When I first moved out on my own, I just had a landline. Plus, I had dial up internet. Oh yes, now you realize what a long time ago this was. :P

Anyways, she was dating this boat captain lad wanna be firefighter (he was kinda cute) and he had gone out with the boys to some town for the day. They were suppose to meet up that night and she never heard from him. She was quite upset. It turns out that he was out w/ his buds and his cell phone died. He couldn't call her, because he doesn't know her number.

Well, us both being non-cell phone users. We just couldn't fathom somebody not knowing somebody's number. Especially somebody that they were dating. How could you not know their number? If you really liked them, then you had it memorized? No? Isn't it so? She talked about dumping him and I was in support.

Fast forward to present day and I don't know a single friend's number. I couldn't even guess a single number that exists. Is it 416, 905, 647..I've no clue. The cell phone just tells me who's calling, doesn't even show me the number, so I'd have a vague recollection. Now I can totally understand what this guy was saying, when he didn't know the numbers. I would never freak out over such a situation or support another's freak out.

PRESENT DAY...well minus 5 days.

I flew home on Sunday from Canmore, AB and was awaiting an e-mail, text, call from new lad to be all 'have a safe trip' or 'did you get home safe?' - I got a few from others, so why wouldn't he? Turns out that when I got home, I updated my status on twitter (jaystewart82) and facebook and so he knew that I was safe. I didn't see it that way, I thought that he should've communicated in some way.

We come to last night and I wasn't in much of a mood to chat and so cut a convo on MSN only to read on his twitter later on that he was suffering from an ailment. He didn't bring it up nor did I ask how he was. But the status update let me know. I asked about it and got into some shit for not asking about his day.

Have we now come to a time, where we don't really need to communicate w/ each other? We can just read their updates and are fully aware of their lives. Can we go months/years without seeing certain friends and yet feel that we're kinda still in touch w/ them?

I'm performing a few pieces tomorrow at "Pride Kick Off' at St. James Campus at George Brown College some time between 7-12am.

I had to create a new piece, so here for the first time ever debuting words before first presentation...

Summer Fling

Jay Stewart
(with contribution from Kevin No)

May 6, 2009

Stepped on a rat
No one seemed to noticed that
Spanked by a go go
I shouted out 'whoa, whoa'
Slept with a new lad
No sex was had
Cuz it's only day one
Summer time, here I come

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers
with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

Went on a holiday
Partied the time away
Dance all night
It felt just right
Slammed a new hole
To release my pole
A week of lust
So easily turns to dust

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers
with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

Just passing the times
With lots of guys
Treat them like dirt
As I casually flirt
Kissing random lips
While sipping free drinks
I thought one was laced
But I was just shit faced

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

Once Fall is here
I'm dumping this queer
He's not so smart
and kinda smells like farts
But he's so pretty
Makes me kinda gitty
Feels good in my bum
But he's yet to make me cum

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers
with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

I'm back - PROJECTS BEGIN!!!

If you've noticed a lack of postings on my part, it's cuz I was out visiting western Canada this last week. It's so beautiful, mountains, hot springs, great food...too many ugly people...but other than that, AWESOME-NESS!!

You may or may not be aware that I don't just run a blog, there's a bit more.

a jay stewart project was started over a year ago as a way to highlight the work that i create and those that i believe in. you can find more info at my presently poorly update website, ajaystewartproject.com

I mention the company as we have some present and upcoming opportunities that I'd like some assistance with and your involvement is key. Though located in Toronto, Canada, you can assist from wherever you are.

For all opportunities, send me an e-mail at jay@ajaystewartproject.com

Current Project #1 - THIS BLOG! - Lets Be Vain - Bloggers Wanted
You visit, so why not write for it? As you can tell, you can write about anything that you want. Porn, flowers, novels, pantomime, it's all good!

Current Project #2 - Say Something! - Online show - New shows wanted
Say Something! is an irregularly scheduled show that featured queer hosts talking about whatever is on their minds from politics to lovers to pop culture. I'd like to encourage other individuals to grab some friends and create their own online shows. If you need help putting it together, I'm happy to assist.

Upcoming project #1 - Hard & Able: celebrating queer disability -Artists / Volunteers Wanted
Thanks to a grant from the Community One organization, this event will feature artists that identify as both queer and disabled. I really want to encourage those with visible and invisible disabilities to showcase themselves. You may or may not know that I identify as hearing impaired and wear hearing aids in each ear. Disability has never held me back and I think it's important that artists that are queer and disabled take a moment to celebrate these two traits.

In late summer (TBA), there will be a cabaret event to feature these artists. If you'd like to be included as a feature artist (10 min set) or a performer (3-5 min) set, please let me know by e-mail.

If you'd like to volunteer your awesome skills as stage crew, graphic designer, printer, event co-ordinator, etc ....e-mail me :)

Upcoming project #2 - Not The Only One - Videographers / Editors / Website Designers /Confessions Wanted

Creating a website where individuals would post up videos of what makes them an individual/sometimes feel like an outcast. In a positive way, it would be a celebration of individuality. It can range from the serious, "I always felt like I was the only queer kid in my rural high school.' to the not so serious 'I feel like I'm the only one who's obsessed with She-ra and Care Bear cartoons.'

I'm looking for individuals w/ some sorta video camera that would like to take on the responsibility of videotaping those that wish to confess their individuality! Which leads to us needing confessors to state why it is that they individually rock so much! Which then leads to editors that'll edit these videos. Which means that a web designer is required to come up with a great simple site that can easily display these created videos. :)

A lot of information in one e-mail, again, if you're in the least bit interested, then send me an e-mail at jay@ajaystewartproject.com. Generally, most of the gigs are non-paying, but I can probably work out an honourarium. No harm in asking or applying for any of the gigs...looking more at passion/committment than proven skills. :)

Potty Mouth

Saturday, May 2, 2009

POTTY MOUTH

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

I rimmed a dwarf on Sunday,
Instead of going to Church.
Sparkling purple amethyst sits on my kitchen table,
A birthday gift from a dear friend.

On Monday, I went to Confession.
The priest wanted to call the Police.
He thought rimming was an act of violence.
I was reluctant to explain the full truth to him,
As he’d led a sheltered life.

A piece of fluff got into my mouth.
I worried it perhaps was fecal matter.
Since it was odourless and tasteless,
I relaxed and tried to enjoy the situation.
The dwarf’s teeth were a little rotten
But his penis nearly hung to his knees.
In this life, you have to take the good with the bad.

I watched Garrett Hedlund in a movie with Jane Fonda.
He looked like the sexiest man alive.
My apartment is full of crystals and semi-precious stones.
Dreams and sorrows waft through the air, inside.
They are so real you can touch them.
I value the silence of the night more than anything,
Except, perhaps, a full body orgasm or $10 million in the bank.

I’ve never made this dwarf cum
Though we’ve had sex many times.
He hugged me close and I asked his name.
His voice cracked like an adolescent boy.
Soothing herbs entered my guts
To kill all the nasty micro-organisms he gave me.

I watched a movie that made me weep
And I worried about dying.
A miniature china version of Judy’s ruby slippers
Sits on a filing cabinet in my living room.
Anita Ekberg called from her villa in Rome.
I didn’t pick up.
Charlie Chaplin sat on my face and farted.
It felt familiar,
Like working at a boring office job
Peopled with nasty shit-head sharks,
Just like the ones who worked in the Purchasing Department at a large hospital.

The only thing worse than most jobs is eating cold midget shit
On a tarnished silver platter.
Life sucks most of the time
But dying at Grace is even worse.

The priest told me to go home and flagellate myself for 20 minutes.
I told him to fuck off then asked him for a date.
He thanked me for the offer
But told me he only liked 12 year old boys.
I knew he was gonna say that.

The psychic with the green sparkly turban
Told me she could bring back my lover
If I gave her $5,000.
I told her I’d give her $7,000 if she made sure he never came back.
She’d never heard that one, before.
The pervert threw a dirty diaper on Sasha’s white, furry couch.
This is symbolic of life on this planet.

I can watch the multi-hued sunrise from my kitchen window
Before I go to sleep.
Lots of things are very beautiful.
I musn’t forget that.

Please out me. I really appreciate it.

So has anyone else ever been outed by someone? Not intending to hurt you, but they just figured out that it was okay, because you yourself was out?

I see the queer community as a culture. And like all cultures, we have rules. And for me, one of them is "thou shalt not out another." It really bugs me when people out me, especially in public.

So one day I'm at work, and I work with three other gay men who are pretty much my superiors. Now, this is in the suburbs, and my bosses are always in suits and stuff so you don't really have room to show your colours, so a lot of people assume that they are all strait. So these two guys I work with, one of whom knows of my cock sucking abilities (let's call him Jon), had mentioned to the other (let's call him Tim) that one of our managers was gay. Tim was all like "NO EFFING WAY" and Jon's all like "YES EFFING WAY, don't believe me? Ask Kai!"

I'm standing a few feet away and Jon goes "Hey Kai! You're gay, tell Tim about our boss, he doesn't believe me!"

Tim was more than floored when he found out that I was gay as well. Suddenly, everyone he worked with was gay. He was in a building, filled with gays.

We work in a Theatre.