You take the good, you take the bad...

You take the good, you take the bad...it's a tv theme song and just the way that life works out.

It's seriously the worst driving week for me thus far. Sunday was dreadful between construction and the Tamil protest. Monday took me 2 hours to get to Milton, when it should've taken 1 hour. Stupid collision pushed 401 down to 1 lane...not fun! Tonight, I left work late to avoid traffic and another collision turned a 20 min. trip into almost an hour. Wahhh!

To balance out the awful-ness...I'm a contract away from securing a venue for the event that I'm putting together in late August. A date and venue means that I'll have 3 whole months to get together a fabulous group of performers, crew, and supporters for it.

A side business of mine is back on track and all it took was my own personal focus and being clear about what I wanted.

This weekend is going to be great! Mom's b-day, long weekend at the cottage, nephew to be there, and time for me to just sit in the sun and ponder.

All in all, another week that offers a healthy balance. :) What's working and not working for you?

I get around!

Yesterday was one of my worst driving days in Toronto ever!!! A trip from the Beaches up to Eglinton West back to my hood at DVP/Wynford took 2 hours. It should not! The culprit...construction and driver stupidity. Summer time in the city means construction to fix all the destruction from the winter on the roads. When will we create a surface that isn't destroyed by our winters?

At night, it took me about 2 hours to get from my place to Eglinton Station to Mississauga! It should not! The culprit...Tamil protest that really screwed up the whole city. I'm all for protesting, but I'm not for causing delays to other people's lives.

The question: HOW DO YOU GET AROUND??

For myself, I used to be a loud and proud transit whore. If I could get to it by transit, then I did. I would travel over 90 minutes to and from work 4 times a week. It was great! No, seriously! I like transit. I enjoy being able to just sit there, read my book, listen to music, write, or just sleep. Now that I drive (work related reasons), I miss out on all that time.

Question of the week: How do you get around?

Communication Changes with Technology!

I recall about 5-6 years ago my gal pal and I having this very intense conversation about cell phones and lovers. You see, this was at a time, when neither of us had a cell phone. Yes, such a time existed. When I first moved out on my own, I just had a landline. Plus, I had dial up internet. Oh yes, now you realize what a long time ago this was. :P

Anyways, she was dating this boat captain lad wanna be firefighter (he was kinda cute) and he had gone out with the boys to some town for the day. They were suppose to meet up that night and she never heard from him. She was quite upset. It turns out that he was out w/ his buds and his cell phone died. He couldn't call her, because he doesn't know her number.

Well, us both being non-cell phone users. We just couldn't fathom somebody not knowing somebody's number. Especially somebody that they were dating. How could you not know their number? If you really liked them, then you had it memorized? No? Isn't it so? She talked about dumping him and I was in support.

Fast forward to present day and I don't know a single friend's number. I couldn't even guess a single number that exists. Is it 416, 905, 647..I've no clue. The cell phone just tells me who's calling, doesn't even show me the number, so I'd have a vague recollection. Now I can totally understand what this guy was saying, when he didn't know the numbers. I would never freak out over such a situation or support another's freak out.

PRESENT DAY...well minus 5 days.

I flew home on Sunday from Canmore, AB and was awaiting an e-mail, text, call from new lad to be all 'have a safe trip' or 'did you get home safe?' - I got a few from others, so why wouldn't he? Turns out that when I got home, I updated my status on twitter (jaystewart82) and facebook and so he knew that I was safe. I didn't see it that way, I thought that he should've communicated in some way.

We come to last night and I wasn't in much of a mood to chat and so cut a convo on MSN only to read on his twitter later on that he was suffering from an ailment. He didn't bring it up nor did I ask how he was. But the status update let me know. I asked about it and got into some shit for not asking about his day.

Have we now come to a time, where we don't really need to communicate w/ each other? We can just read their updates and are fully aware of their lives. Can we go months/years without seeing certain friends and yet feel that we're kinda still in touch w/ them?

I'm performing a few pieces tomorrow at "Pride Kick Off' at St. James Campus at George Brown College some time between 7-12am.

I had to create a new piece, so here for the first time ever debuting words before first presentation...

Summer Fling

Jay Stewart
(with contribution from Kevin No)

May 6, 2009

Stepped on a rat
No one seemed to noticed that
Spanked by a go go
I shouted out 'whoa, whoa'
Slept with a new lad
No sex was had
Cuz it's only day one
Summer time, here I come

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers
with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

Went on a holiday
Partied the time away
Dance all night
It felt just right
Slammed a new hole
To release my pole
A week of lust
So easily turns to dust

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers
with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

Just passing the times
With lots of guys
Treat them like dirt
As I casually flirt
Kissing random lips
While sipping free drinks
I thought one was laced
But I was just shit faced

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

Once Fall is here
I'm dumping this queer
He's not so smart
and kinda smells like farts
But he's so pretty
Makes me kinda gitty
Feels good in my bum
But he's yet to make me cum

It's about time for a summer fling
Get me a big ding a ling
Took my fine self for a strut down the street
Looking this good is no small feat
I'll be outgoing
and act like the shit
Catching eager lovers
with my dry wit
All the animals be panting in heat
But they're not the only one's craving meat

I'm back - PROJECTS BEGIN!!!

If you've noticed a lack of postings on my part, it's cuz I was out visiting western Canada this last week. It's so beautiful, mountains, hot springs, great food...too many ugly people...but other than that, AWESOME-NESS!!

You may or may not be aware that I don't just run a blog, there's a bit more.

a jay stewart project was started over a year ago as a way to highlight the work that i create and those that i believe in. you can find more info at my presently poorly update website, ajaystewartproject.com

I mention the company as we have some present and upcoming opportunities that I'd like some assistance with and your involvement is key. Though located in Toronto, Canada, you can assist from wherever you are.

For all opportunities, send me an e-mail at jay@ajaystewartproject.com

Current Project #1 - THIS BLOG! - Lets Be Vain - Bloggers Wanted
You visit, so why not write for it? As you can tell, you can write about anything that you want. Porn, flowers, novels, pantomime, it's all good!

Current Project #2 - Say Something! - Online show - New shows wanted
Say Something! is an irregularly scheduled show that featured queer hosts talking about whatever is on their minds from politics to lovers to pop culture. I'd like to encourage other individuals to grab some friends and create their own online shows. If you need help putting it together, I'm happy to assist.

Upcoming project #1 - Hard & Able: celebrating queer disability -Artists / Volunteers Wanted
Thanks to a grant from the Community One organization, this event will feature artists that identify as both queer and disabled. I really want to encourage those with visible and invisible disabilities to showcase themselves. You may or may not know that I identify as hearing impaired and wear hearing aids in each ear. Disability has never held me back and I think it's important that artists that are queer and disabled take a moment to celebrate these two traits.

In late summer (TBA), there will be a cabaret event to feature these artists. If you'd like to be included as a feature artist (10 min set) or a performer (3-5 min) set, please let me know by e-mail.

If you'd like to volunteer your awesome skills as stage crew, graphic designer, printer, event co-ordinator, etc ....e-mail me :)

Upcoming project #2 - Not The Only One - Videographers / Editors / Website Designers /Confessions Wanted

Creating a website where individuals would post up videos of what makes them an individual/sometimes feel like an outcast. In a positive way, it would be a celebration of individuality. It can range from the serious, "I always felt like I was the only queer kid in my rural high school.' to the not so serious 'I feel like I'm the only one who's obsessed with She-ra and Care Bear cartoons.'

I'm looking for individuals w/ some sorta video camera that would like to take on the responsibility of videotaping those that wish to confess their individuality! Which leads to us needing confessors to state why it is that they individually rock so much! Which then leads to editors that'll edit these videos. Which means that a web designer is required to come up with a great simple site that can easily display these created videos. :)

A lot of information in one e-mail, again, if you're in the least bit interested, then send me an e-mail at jay@ajaystewartproject.com. Generally, most of the gigs are non-paying, but I can probably work out an honourarium. No harm in asking or applying for any of the gigs...looking more at passion/committment than proven skills. :)

Potty Mouth

Saturday, May 2, 2009

POTTY MOUTH

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

I rimmed a dwarf on Sunday,
Instead of going to Church.
Sparkling purple amethyst sits on my kitchen table,
A birthday gift from a dear friend.

On Monday, I went to Confession.
The priest wanted to call the Police.
He thought rimming was an act of violence.
I was reluctant to explain the full truth to him,
As he’d led a sheltered life.

A piece of fluff got into my mouth.
I worried it perhaps was fecal matter.
Since it was odourless and tasteless,
I relaxed and tried to enjoy the situation.
The dwarf’s teeth were a little rotten
But his penis nearly hung to his knees.
In this life, you have to take the good with the bad.

I watched Garrett Hedlund in a movie with Jane Fonda.
He looked like the sexiest man alive.
My apartment is full of crystals and semi-precious stones.
Dreams and sorrows waft through the air, inside.
They are so real you can touch them.
I value the silence of the night more than anything,
Except, perhaps, a full body orgasm or $10 million in the bank.

I’ve never made this dwarf cum
Though we’ve had sex many times.
He hugged me close and I asked his name.
His voice cracked like an adolescent boy.
Soothing herbs entered my guts
To kill all the nasty micro-organisms he gave me.

I watched a movie that made me weep
And I worried about dying.
A miniature china version of Judy’s ruby slippers
Sits on a filing cabinet in my living room.
Anita Ekberg called from her villa in Rome.
I didn’t pick up.
Charlie Chaplin sat on my face and farted.
It felt familiar,
Like working at a boring office job
Peopled with nasty shit-head sharks,
Just like the ones who worked in the Purchasing Department at a large hospital.

The only thing worse than most jobs is eating cold midget shit
On a tarnished silver platter.
Life sucks most of the time
But dying at Grace is even worse.

The priest told me to go home and flagellate myself for 20 minutes.
I told him to fuck off then asked him for a date.
He thanked me for the offer
But told me he only liked 12 year old boys.
I knew he was gonna say that.

The psychic with the green sparkly turban
Told me she could bring back my lover
If I gave her $5,000.
I told her I’d give her $7,000 if she made sure he never came back.
She’d never heard that one, before.
The pervert threw a dirty diaper on Sasha’s white, furry couch.
This is symbolic of life on this planet.

I can watch the multi-hued sunrise from my kitchen window
Before I go to sleep.
Lots of things are very beautiful.
I musn’t forget that.

Please out me. I really appreciate it.

So has anyone else ever been outed by someone? Not intending to hurt you, but they just figured out that it was okay, because you yourself was out?

I see the queer community as a culture. And like all cultures, we have rules. And for me, one of them is "thou shalt not out another." It really bugs me when people out me, especially in public.

So one day I'm at work, and I work with three other gay men who are pretty much my superiors. Now, this is in the suburbs, and my bosses are always in suits and stuff so you don't really have room to show your colours, so a lot of people assume that they are all strait. So these two guys I work with, one of whom knows of my cock sucking abilities (let's call him Jon), had mentioned to the other (let's call him Tim) that one of our managers was gay. Tim was all like "NO EFFING WAY" and Jon's all like "YES EFFING WAY, don't believe me? Ask Kai!"

I'm standing a few feet away and Jon goes "Hey Kai! You're gay, tell Tim about our boss, he doesn't believe me!"

Tim was more than floored when he found out that I was gay as well. Suddenly, everyone he worked with was gay. He was in a building, filled with gays.

We work in a Theatre.