Last night, after silently (and then not so silently) wishing my roommate would evaporate into thin air I realized I have always lived with someone whether it be family, friends, non-friends, or partners. Living with my ex was the closest thing to living alone that I’ve experienced since he travelled a lot for work and when he was there didn’t say much and generally avoided me.
My roommate experiences have been generally positive. I’ve had some of the funniest moments of my life with them. Here are some of the characters that I have cohabitated with (I shudder to think what they would all say about me):
Greg – White guy from farm land obsessed with Bone Thugs N Harmony. Stole $1000 worth of plants from our university to decorate our place.
Jen – Chain smoker, permanent beer in hand. She would give me beers as payment for hand massages while she talked about her hair.
Liz – The food stealer of the house. When we moved out we found dozens of dirty mouldy dishes under her bed. She was nicknamed “the geyser of yuck”.
Chad – Super sweet straight guy, dumb as a rock. Would often wake me up in the middle of the night to show me drawings of roller coasters he imagined. A few years ago I saw him on TV as a “Roller Coaster Expert” giving commentary about Cedar Point.
Benefits of Having a Roommate:
* Splitting bills
* Instant person to hang out with
* Stealing their food, laundry detergent, alcohol, office supplies…etc
* They can help you figure out how to set up wireless internet
* Someone to scare monsters away (or be eaten first so you have time to escape)
Disadvantages of Having a Roommate:
* Can’t walk around naked, masturbate at will, loudly watch porn
* Being accused of “kicking the crap” out of their cat
* Dealing with their weirdo Russian boyfriend
* Brings out your murderous tendencies by always being there
Conclusion: I think I’m at the point where I don’t ever want to deal with a roommate again. A boyfriend or partner…sure! But the possible cost savings isn’t worth the other things I’ll give up by moving in with a friend.
I would LOVE to hear some roommate horror stories.
2 comments:
Kari and I lived w/ this nutso gal. At the roomie interview, she had piercings and seemed like fun. She moves in w/ no piercings and is a super hardcore Christian.
Creepiest moment is when we come in one night and she immediately turns off the light in her room. We then find all her dirty dishes on the counter with a note written in large on the mirror that states 'WASH ME!'
Most annoying was when she'd ask for a few days/weeks to get rent to me. This would always be followed by showing me her latest purchase. Once, she showed me a $900 camera that she had just purchased.
I still wish her nothing but death. :)
bonethugs!!!!!!!! yessssssssss
see you at the crossroads <3
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