Can we still be queer radicals?

Is it possible to be a ‘queer radical’ despite of being in a monogamous, long-term gay relationship? One of the prominent feminists who has criticized the institution of marriage and ended up getting married herself is Gloria Steinem. She met a lot of condemnation from her fellow feminists due to her choice or decision to get married. How are we to judge this as queer theorists and/or feminists? One of the foundational principles of queer theory and feminism is choice. We conceive choice as being fundamental to the exercise of freedom. If we ended up judging people because of their choices, we end up devaluing their right to freedom. Being a queer individual who identifies as ‘radical’, I am deeply critical of same-sex marriage as a form of assimilation to the heteronormative ideologies of the society. How do we remain non-heteronormative despite of the fact that we are in a monogamous, almost heteronormative relationship? This is more of an intellectual exercise and I don’t attempt to provide an answer to this question. Being queers, I think it is fundamental for us to reject the heteronormative assumptions about sex, gender, and sexuality. We can still be ‘radical’ queers, I think, despite of the fact that we are in monogamous relationships, by emphasizing and concentrating on the ‘pleasure’ aspect of sex, rather than reproduction. Queer sex after all is about pleasure and not about reproduction. Further, we could also reject gender roles in our relationships; after all we’re not heterosexual to begin with. Some couples also choose to spice things up by adding one (or more) people in their sexual activities. This does not mean that they are breaking up the monogamous aspect of their relationship, as long as both parties consent to a three-some and not just one. I think that the biggest challenge for us queer folks in the midst of being judged by our married gay counterparts (or by our respectable same-sex couple counterparts), is to assert the fact that we still have to reject heteronormative ideas about sex, gender, and sexuality, and not judge our ‘other’ brothers and sisters who have made their own choice of not being in monogamous relationships. We should rather actively support their lifestyle choices and ours as constitutive and equal amongst other forms of non-heteronormative relationships. We should also not forget to connect our oppressions and struggles with other groups and also issues that haunt the more marginalized members within the gay community.