Out of the Closet! - Dream Girl!

Like any good writer, I keep a bag of all my old notebooks, ideas written on scrap paper and articles of inspiration that holds over 10 years of me in it. I haven't been through this bag in forever and only did this morning, cuz I'm missing 2 sheets of paper holding my latest 'masterpieces' on them. :(

It was while going through this bag that I realized that it's only in the last 2-3 years that a lot of my pieces have had a chance to see the light of day. My 2nd realization is that I wrote a lot of crap 10 years ago.

I present piece #1 from Letsbevain's new 'Out of the Closet' series, where shitty pieces that have long been hidden away will finally be revealed. :)

"Dream Girl" - March 22/98 - unedited
Verse #1
Lying in my bed
I'm thinking about her
The way she looks
The way that she smiles
And I'm wishing, I'm dreaming
That she will be mine.

Chorus:
Dreaming about my dream girl again
Wondering if she's even real
Thinking about all the great times
We could have
If I knew where she was...
Dreaming about my dream girl

Verse 2:
I've spent many nights, just lying here
Thinking about you
I picture you and me
Hand in hand
Laughing uncontrollably

Chorus

Verse 3:
If I knew where, I would go there
Doesn't matter how long it would take
I would go anywhere for you
I would do anything for you
Tell me when, I'll be there

Chorus

Verse 4:
Falling asleep again
Hoping to dream about you
Cause in my dreams
We are always together
Always happy, nothing can go wrong,
Nothing can go wrong!



-Now it's your turn to post your awful works of art. :)

I love 'fuck my life' - the site!!!

There are some sites that I visit on a daily or weekly visit, fmylife.com is DEFINITELY one of them. It's simply hilarious!

Here are some highlights from the last few days:

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML

What random sites do you visit?

We watch the same shows...NOW HELP ME, HELP MYSELF!

Alritey so last week's poll proved one of two things. 1) You're tired of polls or 2) You prefer polls that talk about your sex life. ;)

Sorry folks, but this week is simply about helping me out. If you didn't know, this blog is run by my little art company, a jay stewart project. In an effort to rebrand, i've now been directing people to the blog using letsbevain.ajaystewartproject.com. Smart, ain't it?? Why am I doing this? Cuz we're taking on a series of projects that will be announced over the coming weeks. Some little, some big, and some just for my own personal enjoyment. Why else would one have a self titled company, if it weren't for personal interests???

Anyways, back to last week's poll about television. Only 9 votes!! Sad, sad, sad!! Did you know that you can vote only once from home, but again from work, and then again from an internet cafe??? That's right! Or at a friend's house, you could encourage them to vote and then make me feel special. :)

Surprisingly, 66% of you watch 30 Rock and Brothers & Sisters. ROCK ON! I've only really been following 30 Rock this year. I watched the premiere a few years back and it was only so so. I'm finding this year to be consistently funny. I mostly enjoy Tina Fey, she's just so awkward and hilarious. Her stints at getting out of jury duty and a reveal of an ol' adult hotline commercial still make me laugh at the memory.

Brothers & Sisters, I've only watched the first season and that was about 1.5 months ago. It was really good. Now I'm trying to think of a time that I'll have to catch up on the next 2 or 3 seasons. What season is it in now??

Next up with 44% of the votes was Lost. Which is also super super cool! I think we're in season 5 of Lost now and it starts off really strong and then kinda gets into a rut. I think the last 3 episodes, I've seen nothing really progress. Sure, we've got some answers, but really..no real movement. When they divide up the cast, I tend to get a little bored. I like to see everybody hanging out w/ each other.

The next 3 at 33% were United States of Tara, Entourage, and Little People, Big World. U.S. of Tara is really interesting. It's comedy, but then drama. Toni Colette is amazing as Tara...she pulls it off so well. I def. recommend that people download it!!!

Entourage is just good fun! Seriously, when you need to escape, stick in an episode. It's the fastest 30 minutes of my life. Nothing happens sometimes, little thing happen, but it's just a quick escape to chill w/ some of your friends. Ari is my fave, cuz I love ppl who don't filter. :)

Finally Little People, Big World. How many years have we been following these people?? It's great, simple as that!

Now for this week's poll is really easy and will hopefully help me. I pimp out this blog in the hopes of others joining as contributors (IF YOU WANT TO JOIN, LET ME KNOW!!) and to get viewers to check the site. I advertised via MSN (jaycanadiandude@hotmail.com), twitter (jaystewart82), facebook (jay stewart), and then post on various search engines for blogs. So my question of the week is how do you remember to check this site. Through my ads, through bookmarking this site, through the contributors, randomly found it?

Vote on your right!!! Not by leaving a comment. :) Or do both!

Hot Wet Food

March 19, 2009

HOT WET FOOD

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

Freddie stuck his penis into the soft chocolate mocha cake.

Runny whipped cream dribbling down his legs.

Tongue flicking into rude, forbidden crevices.

Fascist police running down empty hallways.

Hidden guns in lingerie drawers.

Tiny, taut breasts.

Bent, silver, broken knees.

Vicious and evil words spewing out of vile mouths.

Craziness and lies.

Fat lips and broken teeth.

Lust is harder than concrete.

Dirty buggered bitch dogs.

Dank, frightened basements.

Ghosts and putrid deeds.

Ugly faces.

Pretty boys who need to shave.

Love and violet smirks.

The loss of innocence.

Ricky Ray

Saturday, April 11, 2009

RICKY RAY

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

I see him surrounded by Dark Forces,
Swirling around and engulfing him,
Strangling his Higher Self.
I try to send him love and light,
To ease his pain
And to stop the devilish energy from killing his goodness.

Ricky calls himself a Buddhist
Yet he is consumed with rage and vengeance.
I do Wiccan rituals,
To the light of a candle,
In the silent depths of the night,
Asking my Guides for a miracle.

This ugly, mean being tries to rob me of joy and passion.
My creativity sits on a chair, unused,
Like a soiled, torn garment.
Thick hands encircle my neck,
Distorting my voice and choking my Life Force.
I stand in court pleading my innocence
For I have done no wrong.

Ricky has no support system,
No life, no hobbies, no lovers or friends.
His tormented shadow falls on all my daily activities,
Like a rabid dog chasing me through a nightmare.

I watched a movie on my TV set.
One of the scenes was set in a beautiful house
Overlooking the ocean in Southern California.
I read a book where the main character owned an 8,000 acre ranch in New Mexico.
She roamed the mountains with her dogs,
Trekking through canyons and cool streams.

Oh, how I long to escape to these places.
To find solace in nature,
Surrounded by quiet and tranquility.
I wish for money to lead a proper life.
Forever the struggling artist counting his pennies.

Ricky professes to believe in Karma,
Yet he cannot see the consequences of his actions
In the here and now.

The Universe surrounds me in a cocoon of White Light and joy.
No harm will come to me.
This is merely a learning experience.
I am not attached to this man,
In any way, shape or form.

I send Reiki to the courtroom.
I am alone.
My Higher Self speaks to me
And I try so hard to hear the soft, faint words.

Ricky is drowning in a black, inky cesspool.
It is not my job to save him.
My biggest wish is for him to disappear from my life
Forever.

Twit, tweet, twitter-ific?

I've spent a week on twitter, I've seen my followers go from 13-15-14-15-14-15-14-15-14. I think I know 2 of the people and the rest are just randoms. I don't know how people find random people on there.

In my eyes, the only point of twitter is to see what 'famous' people are up to in their lives. If I want to know about my friends, they'll update their facebook status.

This week, I witnessed Ashton Kutcher and CNN battling it out to get to a million followers. Ashton won! It was all over the news, in case you missed it. Plus Ashton has taken to the airwaves a la ustream.com to do mini shows. His buddy, Diddy (you know Puff Daddy), has joined in on the fun too. Diddy looks for inspiration and all that jazz. Ryan Seacrest is on, cuz he's a whore and pimps himself out everywhere. I got to add Alyssa Milano, so that's fun. I've had a crush on her forever!!! Now I get to cyber know her. ;)

Of all the celebs, I enjoy Rob Thomas' (matchbox20) and Kevin Smith - mostly cuz Kevin talks about chickening out of trying to do his wife a lot. :P

What's the point of twitter?? I've still no clue. I'm using it like I use facebook to spread the ajaystewartproject brand as far as I can. You can find me at jaystewart82 on there.

What's your experience like on twitter? Are there any celebs that you'd like to connect with?

I want to be old!!!

I've been visiting my grandma the last 2 days as she's temporary moved into a mature residence (haha...old folks home) for 3 weeks. It's part of her recovery from hip surgery that she had about 4 or 5 weeks ago. It's super fancy!

There's a gardening room, an exercise room, a study, a huge movie viewing room, internet area, salon, crafts room, snooker room, it just goes on and on.

Best of all, the dining room is super kick ass! I stayed for dinner tonight and it was crazy. You get bread, salad, the entree was cornish hens with baked potato, wild rice, peas, and cranberries. Plus, your choice of dessert - I had cheesecake.

It's nothing like a high school cafeteria, people just randomly come up to you to ask you about your life history, etc too.

To fill the agonizing boredom of being old and no longer having a purpose, there's activities each day. Today, grandma could have done yoga, watched a documentary, and attended a church service. Or you can invite your grandson (that's me) to entertain you for hours and win 2/3 times at pinochle (greatest game ever!!).

So yah, I used to dread getting old and now I can't wait!!!