Greater Than

I cannot handle the glut of info both here and elsewhere about a Certain Pop Strumpet (who shall now only be referred to as CPS) who has a new album, new video and will be going on tour shortly. I happen to believe CPS's name is not worthy of crossing my lips. However, there is another performer who also has an imminent CD, is on tour, and just opened on broadway in a new show. The following is a list on why she just might be the most amazing thing in the history of planet earth.

1. Liza Minnelli has slept with hotter and more famous men than CPS could ever dream of.

2. Liza Minnelli has an Oscar, an Emmy, a Golden Globe, a Grammy, and several Tonys. People like CPS who have chart hits and intermittently impressive cd sales are only remembered for a while, whereas Liza's multiple awards have earned her a place in the record books.

3. Liza Minnelli is influential. No-one copies CPS. Many people, from hipster fashionistas to drag queens to skilled vocalists to first ladies to CPS herself copy Liza Minnelli, and have been for decades.

4. Liza Minnelli relies on talent. Before everything else, she is an actor, singer, and dancer. CPS can only do one of those things passably, and relies on gimmickry for a career.

5. Liza Minnelli has TRUE problems. CPS makes a tv documentary about how lonely she is? boo-fucking-hoo, here's some kleenex.

6. Liza Minnelli has done more for the gay community than most other entertainers (including spearheading the first US AIDS fundraising concert) CPS pretends to be bisexual in a stupid MTV stunt with Madonna. lame.

7. Liza Minnelli has french canadian family roots. Oh, Canada! CPS comes from louisiana trailer trash. Oh, no!

8. Liza Minnelli has managed to grow and mature as an artist over the years. CPS is still working the same schtick she's been doing for years.

9. Have you seen Cabaret?

10. Even after double hip and knee replacments, encephalitis, and a stroke, Liza Minnelli could kick CPS's sorry little behind from here to Kalamazoo. Don't believe me? Just ask David Gest.