STRANDS OF BEADS AND THOUGHTS

Saturday, January 23, 2010

STRANDS OF BEADS AND THOUGHTS

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2010 by Philip Cairns

The Mona Lisa rests behind bullet-proof glass
Looking like the cat that ate the canary.
She seems so real,
As if she will burst out, any second, and greet the admiring throngs.

The Louvre is full of classical art treasures.
Pieces of sculpture created centuries ago.
Jewel encrusted golden trinkets and goblets.
You can’t help but admire their exquisite technique.
Leonardo da Vinci and Jackson Pollock are miles and miles apart.
There’s no comparison.

Grub Day, 1968, at David and Mary Thomson Collegiate in Scarberia.
You could wear whatever you wanted.
I sewed 4 inch strands of my mother’s costume necklaces
Dangling down from all over my white pants.
I sewed it all by hand.
It was very Broadway of me.

It got a bit sticky in gym class when I had to play baseball.
How could I run in that outfit?
I just stood around, looking pretty.
I’ve always loathed sports with a passion.
Too much macho killer instinct.

I want to die like Toulouse-Lautrec in the original “Moulin Rouge” from 1952.
Jose Ferrer plays the artist, lying on his deathbed.
Into the room, in his mind, come dancers and hookers,
Painters and writers,
All hurrying to say goodbye to their friend.
The miraculous energy of creativity swirls around them.
What a sweet way to make an exit!

I used a lot of pink in some of my paintings in 1990.
The newspaper critic said it was like drowning in peaches and cream.
This man was also an artist.
Andrew had the arrogance to slap some pencil and colour on a huge piece of paper,
In an hour and a half,
And think it a finished masterwork.
A raspberry to that!

I always weep when Sal Mineo dies in “Rebel Without a Cause”.
My heart aches for him.
So vulnerable and unloved.
A gay teenager, in a movie, always had to die tragically in 1955.
Thank God things have changed.
Think of the torrent of gay indie films, nowadays.
We've waited a long time for this.

I watched “East of Eden” and “Rebel Without a Cause”, on a double-bill,
On the Late Show,
When I was 15 or so.
They spoke to me in the deepest way.
The angst and confusion of adolescence poured out of my father’s TV.
I spent most of the next day in my room,
Sobbing in the closet.

Almost everyone I know is in recovery.
We all used to drink so much in the 70s and 80s.
Where did one go to meet other queer people, back then?
To a gay bar, of course.
If you didn’t order lots of booze,
The waiters would hassle you or kick you out.

Those days were fun and scary.
Too many blackouts and waking up in strange places.
Perhaps I’m lucky to still be alive.
Booze and drugs and sex, when they spin out of control,
Are a dangerous combination.
Now, I just eat too much, sometimes.