Whoa, now that was a big jump. But follow along down this path with me...
It's been about 15 months since I've been in a long term relationship. Even longer, if you count that relationship as being over a few months prior to when we actually ended it. A lot less if you count us ending things and then not officially parting ways until this last February (lol...did you follow all that?)
I keep convincing myself that I have no need for a partner. They take up too much time. You're constantly disappointed by them. You're forced to hang out with their lame friends. They get sick or someone they know get sick or their life is so depressing that you can't break up w/ them in fear that they'll kill themselves.
But then there's time after you've had a successful day and you want to come home, get naked with a lover and celebrate such accomplishment. Sometimes, you just want to turn over in bed and find your lover lying there naked with a peaceful smile on their face. Or when you want to do something random and your lover is an eager accomplice.
Plus, I really miss the arguments. It's no fun to argue with anybody else, there's no stakes. A customer presents a conflict. Who cares! Your Mama yells at you. She can't ground you any more. A friend gets upset with you. When does that even happen? But a fight with a lover is filled with passion and tears and fantastic make up sex. I miss that. Plus, I miss wondering if this person will be the one that I share the rest of my life with. I miss having someone that knows me far deeper than the many layers that I put up.
But I don't miss feeling like I give it my all and they only give it a try. I don't miss looking deep in their eyes and realizing that this isn't right. Finally, I don't miss the feeling of waking up beside somebody and that 'feeling' being gone. You can't explain it to them, other than 'I just don't love you any more.'
The Partner Itch is a tempting one. For now, I'll let it sit and fester.
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